


What They Don't Know

by adventursplorer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Bellamy Blake - Freeform, Bellarke, Clarke, Clarke Griffin - Freeform, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Apocalypse, believe in Bellarke, believeinbellarke, bellamy - Freeform, bellamyblake, bellarke is endgame, clarkegriffin, cuteness, hiddenlove, oneshots, otp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:25:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 51,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2764724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventursplorer/pseuds/adventursplorer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellarke oneshots - from both the series and alternate universe types. Some may be short stories but most of them are full on. #believeinbellarke</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Midnight Runs

Clarke was back and we had retrieved Finn from his killing spree. We were back at camp Jaha, and I wasn't going to lie when we hugged it felt good to have her in my arms. Sure we've never done that before but that one time made up for everything we've been through. Through thick or thin, the leaders were once leaders again.

That night after Camp Jaha was quiet and almost everyone was asleep, I snuck out and into the medibay where I saw Clarke snuggled up on the floor on a large piece of fabric, using her a jumper as a pillow. The night was quite cold and I could see she was shivering slightly and then jumped in her sleep; she was dreaming. I took my jacket off and laid it over her and then sat down, like a guard watching over her.

She jumped a couple more times as the hour passed and then woke herself up almost screaming, whispering my name repeatedly. I quickly crawled over to her and took her into my arms. "Shhhh... It's okay Clarke. I'm here." I said to her stroking her  slightly knotted hair as she clutched onto me even harder. We stay like that for about two minutes or so and she finally slightly wriggles out of my arms and looks at me with tear stains down her face and meekly says, "Can we go outside for a walk Bellamy? I don't like it in here."

I get up and extend my hand down to her which she immediately grabs and pulls herself up. I grab my jacket off the ground and place it over her shoulders. Clarke leads us out of the Ark into the night air. We are hit by a cool breeze outside with a bright light coming off the moon. I get my torch out of my pocket and we start walking towards the back of the Ark and into where there is a small patch of forest like land.

Clarke almost trips over a small root sticking out of the ground but I catch her arm before she can fall over. She straightens herself up with a slight blush reflecting off her face from the torch in my hand, "Thanks Bellamy." She says and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear. I smile and nod then lead us onwards more towards the fence that hums with electricity. Clarke grabs my elbow as I start moving forward and huddles herself close to me. I wrap my arm around her and we move towards a cluster of trees a few meters away.

"Why were you in the medibay? Was something wrong?" She questions me as we reach the trees and sit down resting our heads against the bark. I then realise that I was there watching over her. She looks at me expectantly and I look down with a slightly heated face.

"I couldn't sleep so I came to check up on you and ended up staying for a bit longer than intended. You're quite the jumpy sleeper." I say hoping to escape the awkwardness. She looks down with a sullen look and then back up at me.

"It was a bad dream." Clarke explains, she looks as if she wants to continue but decides against it, but I want to know why she woke up whispering my name as if I had died.

"What happened in the dream?" I ask, which makes her scrunch her face up slightly as if trying to remember what happened. A dream where you wake up screaming isn't that easy to shake off, so it must have been confusing more rather than she forgot it.

"It was basically a replay of what happened that night with the grounders but Finn was the one trying to kill you." I could see she was trying to not cry. "I almost lost you Bellamy, you and Finn. Now I've lost our people on Mount Weather." I wrapped my arm around her again and brought her closer to me as she cried into my chest.

"Clarke, you haven't lost anyone, tomorrow we will set out to find the others. Finn may be a bit lost himself but it's not your fault. You sure as hell are never going to lose me, I promise." and kissed her head as she rested her head comfortably on my chest. We stayed silently for a few seconds which she then broke with, "Thank you Bellamy."

"What for Princess?" I ask.

"For everything." I nod at that, I haven't done anything for her. She's done more for me than I could ever do for her, she's changed me to become who I am today. And who I am today is who I am going to be to survive.

Dawn started breaking on the horizon and we had both fallen asleep. She was so peaceful curled up against me with a slight smile on her face, even with the tear stains she looked happy and restful. I guess we'll see if today brings a lighter day, I sure will for me because Clarke is home.


	2. I Declare Dependance

I was once again late for class, sure I was meant to be one of those preppy students that are never late but when you're caught up in conversation with someone you never knew existed at school, time sort of tends to be forgotten. The guys name was Bellamy Blake, he was quite the bad boy if I say so myself. He kept to himself but that's what made him so good at being bad.

It was only last week that I was late for school as my mother decided to leave without me (yet again) and accidentally bumped into him on the stairwell rushing to my first class of biology. I had managed to drop the papers I was holding in my hands, and heard "Stupid idiot." I didn't know if the dick was referring to me or to him, so I just bent down and started picking them up, not really knowing how to react in that situation.

He a few seconds later, after pondering on whether he should help me or not, crouched down to help me pick up the last few remaining papers on the floor. "Sorry." He apologised quickly, making it sound really unnatural to him. Must be something he doesn't do very often.

I looked at him, trying to place where I had seen his face before as it looked slightly familiar, but not everyone was as tanned and had a cute sprinkle of freckles across their nose, which was quite a unique feature to have. He looked up at me, handing the last piece of paper to me and giving me a small smile, which could be taken as the start of a smirk and started walking in the direction of the biology rooms.

I quickly dropped the papers off at my locker and then entered my class, which was a few feet down the hall; there he was standing at the front of the class getting whisper yelled at by Mr Jackson. I quickly ducked my head down and attempted to make it to the back of the lab without him noticing me, unluckily the douche swayed to one side exposing my lateness. "Miss Griffin, late as well. That will be a detention after school today with Mr Blake." I look over at my best friend, Wells on the other side of the class, who I can't tell if he's disappointed or wants to kill me for not being on time and then over at Finn, someone I had a little 'thing' with and was sniggering and then winked at me. Slimy piece of shit.

Wells' face then softens and he gestures with his eyes to go and sit next to him but I don't want to be facing the wrath of him right there so I move towards the back and spread most of my stuff across the one table. The kind rebel closely follows behind and sits in the chair next to me, pushing some of my papers out of the way so he can place his note pad and pencil down, for what I presume he will draw with. He doesn't seem like the 'take notes' kind of guy.

He leans over, invading the space between us. I felt his hot breath on my neck and he whispers close to my ear, "That was almost smooth Princess."

I send him a deathly glance and realise how close he actually is from me, a slight blush crosses my face but I turn my head towards the board and watch the boring lecture on the whole damn cell cycle. "Is that your first detention ever?" I shake my head. I'm not the perfect student; I'm just made out to be one.

"What? Did your work too perfectly?" He questions.

I silently laugh at that and shake my head once again. "What's your name?" I ask him changing the subject, realising he's become the subject of my day.

"Bellamy Blake. Brother of Octavia Blake." He says and I must have had a small look of surprise on my face, he then stretches his arm over my chair but I don't take it as anything as more than him trying to bug me.

"You mean Octavia, Octavia. Not some other Octavia." I say almost dribbling my words out of my mouth. Octavia was one of the popular girls; she was famous because she was adopted into this rich family who showed her beauty to the world. I had no clue they adopted her brother as well.

"Princess, how many other Octavia Blake's do you know? And before you ask something along the lines of 'Why aren't I as cool as her?' It's because that family finds pride more in her, and thinks of me as her babysitter when they're not around, which is almost always. But she still somehow loves them." He finishes slightly dampening the mood.

I nod my head at what he's said, not really able to formulate a reply but then decide to change the topic, "What's with calling me Princess? I really don't like it." I say crossing my arms over my chest and slightly focusing on the board with the title of 'Anaphase II' written down.

"It suits you in your own way. You're one of the privileged, schools great for you and you've got a good group of friends which by the way are staring intently at us." He says and nods his head in the direction of Finn and Wells.

"First things first, Finn is not my friend. We had a thing and then I found out he had a girlfriend as was a lead on dick and I punched him, that was my first detention." I say glancing over at Finn who is staring intently at Bellamy as if removing Bellamy's arm off the back of the chair with his mind and then pushing us to separate sides of the room. "And Wells is like an over protective big brother. A perfect group of friends yeah right."

"Well that's more than I've got. I've got O and that's about it." I shake my head and smile. "What you smiling at Princess?"

"It's Clarke, and you've also got me. I know it might not be much, but in some ways I can be a decent friend." I say looking down and finally writing down the title of the lesson.

He plucks the pen from my hand and stretches it out of my reach, "Only decent? I would think you'd be an amazing friend, Clarke." He smirks and his deep voice saying my name sends shivers down my spine.

"Yeah, we'll have to see about that." I smirk and snatch the pen back, catching Wells' confused look and Finns more heated glare in our direction.

The lesson carries on with a bit more banter between the two of us, with him several more times stealing my pen and then my phone to put his number in. I text him there in the lesson, which it then rings out loud, and he has to muffle a cough to hide it. I laugh at that then get told off once again by Mr Jackson for disrupting his lesson earning myself another disapproving glare from Wells, anther death stare from Finn and a mocking joke from Bellamy causing me to laugh more quietly that time.

As the lesson ends Bellamy packs up quickly and tells me to text him later. One hour with this guy and he's already one of the top people that have pissed me off, but then again he's so chilled and understandable, which allows me to metaphorically 'let my hair down' which in actual truth I have never actually done.

The next lesson of art drags on supremely slowly which is all mainly on brush strokes and charcoal smudging which we try out and I end up sketching a messy drawing of what would seem to be a galaxy in space, but in different shades of grey. Finally we get to have a small lunch break before we return to the lessons, and Wells meets me outside my class with the same disapproving look on his face that he had earlier.

"What?" I ask him as soon as the corridors are clearer.

"Who was that guy? Why were you late? Why did you seem to enjoy yourself in the company of one of the rebellious boys of our school? And for the love of life why did you get told off?" Wells bombarded me with questions.

"What the hell? Calm down Wells." Is say to him in a more relaxed tone, which worsens things.

"Clarke, I don't like this. I don't like him." He says and we slow to a halt in the now empty corridor.

"Wells I could not care less, you are not my father." I say stubbornly.

"Considering you don't have one, someone has to be!" He almost yells and I am so taken back by his comment that my arms go limp at my sides and I take a step back from him.

"Clarke, no I didn't mean it like that." I take another step and hit the lockers on the other side of the wall. Tears stream down my face and I run down the hallway away from his cries out for his forgiveness.

As I turn the corner I run straight into the solid chest of none other than Bellamy Blake. He holds me stretched out in front of him and I look like a train wreck slowly piecing together my broken pieces. I turn to maneuver around him but his arms keep me solidly in place. He must have heard what Wells had said because he had a sad look in his eyes and it wasn't like Wells was quiet about his opinion on me.

Bellamy suddenly takes me into his arms and hugs me, it's not something I'm really used to but I feel safe and protected around Bellamy. Funny thing is I've only met him two hours ago.

"I'm sorry Princess, what he said was not right in any form or way." He assures me while rubbing my back in small circles. "Come on lets go and get something to drink."

"Can we leave school Bellamy, I really don't want to go to my next lessons." I say snivelling and thinking because Wells would be in three of the four I have next and no way in any world would I want to talk to him after that.

"Where did you think we were going Princess?" he says looking down at me with a playful smirk, leading me forward with his hand on the small of my back.

He lead me round to the back of the school where he boosted me over the small wall we had and then he climbed over himself, showing a whole load of tanned muscular arm on the way up and over. Damn, he was actually pretty attractive.

We walked in a comfortable silence towards the local coffee shop down the road, the weather was slightly cold but my oversize jumper had it covered. Bellamy on the other hand was strolling through town like there was no chance a sheet of ice could form over the road at any second. 'He's just that hot.' I say in my head, mentally pumping my fist with the really bad joke.

I must be smiling to myself at the joke because he then says, "What you thinking of Princess?”

I manage to fight off the blush across my face and tell him, "Just a bad joke I made up on the spot about the weather." I say simply.

"What, like how it's so cold but yet I don't wear a jacket cause I'm so hot?" My mouth opens slightly and I try to find the words to explain the feeling of confusion as he laughs at the coincidence of our thought process. After thinking over it I crack up for a full on minute, both of us almost in tears because of the really bad joke.

After we calm down and find a seat at the shop, he pauses and looks over at me. "So you think I'm hot then do you?" I can feel a slight heat in my cheeks and hold up my thumb and index finger showing him a sign that signifies a small amount and then mouth "Just a bit" and then let out a silent chuckle.

I can see there is a bit more color in his cheeks as he laughs and says, "That's cute."

"So does that mean I'm cute?" I question feeling like I'm overstepping my comfort zone and more into his.

He holds up both hands and measures the width of the smallish table and then looks at it carefully, moving both out one centimeter more and then saying, "Just a bit." and winking at me.

The waitress then comes to take our orders of two hot chocolates, Bellamy looks up at me after the waitress has finished taking our orders and gives me a quizzical look, “What?” I ask.

“You don’t seem like the kind of girl to ever be late, or leave school even if something like what happened earlier happened. So what’s different about today?” He asks me sitting back in his chair slightly slouching into a more comfortable position.

I put my foot up onto my chair, resting my arm across my knee and look across the table at him. He was right, this is something I’d never do and they’re probably calling my mom who won’t answer, but I guess that the fact that when I got into trouble in biology, Bellamy was there to show me how to have fun in life. That was something I hadn’t had in a very long time, even with Wells.

Even though Wells had disregarded his line of our friendship and overstepped it by a mile, I’m still here having fun with Bellamy in another comfort zone that I prefer to the stuck up preppy one.

I answer him simply, “Mom, was late of work and didn’t bother waking me up and taking me to school. And I guess I met you.” I smile almost a shy smile but it was more of a ‘that’s just what happened’ kind of smile.

From there, Bellamy told me about his life and how he was planning on moving out. The family were happy enough to fund where he was going to live and his education as long as he stayed out. This made my heart break for slightly for him. I sort of understood neglect from a parent, but my mom worked for me to go to school, the fact they say they don’t want him to his face because of some past experiences he’s had is just down right low.

The time at the shop passes and we learn a lot about each other, from his favourite color, to what he actually did to get disgraced from the family. This was a bit of a shock to her as beating up a man almost to death seemed brutal, but if you really understand what Bellamy was doing, you wouldn’t be so quick to judge him for his actions. He was just protecting his sister from a predator, showing he would do anything for her.

He checks the time on his phone and then relocks it, but not before I can get a small glimpse of a cute picture of him and Octavia huddled together outside a forest. He gulps down the last small drips of his second hot chocolate and pays the bill, “We best get going.” I click the lock button on my phone and the time lights up as 2:45pm.

“Why?” I ask him yawning into my jumper.

“We’ve got a detention to go to.” He tells me and I roll my eyes.

“Just cause I’m a rebel, it doesn’t mean I don’t do my time. Plus I kind of need help with the bio homework.” He smiles cutely at me and I nod picking up my bag and phone off the table.

The walk back to school and the detention flies by as I help him understand the whole concept of S-phase in the cell cycle, and by the time the day is over I’m absolutely shattered. Who knew being such a badass would be so tiring?

I yawn once more into my jumper sleeve and Bellamy drapes his arm around my shoulders, I don’t care to be honest. I’m happy, and he’s the one that’s made me feel that way. Sure you know a perfectly stupid and pointless friendship with Wells has gone down the drain, but with Bellamy there’s something more than friendship there.

Bellamy even gives me a life home and assures me that he’ll see me tomorrow for some more ‘Rebel Princess Quality Time’ as I’d like to call it.

That night as I was on the verge of falling asleep, my phone vibrated next to my bed where it was on charge and I looked hazily up at the screen with a message from Bellamy (amongst the 17 missed calls from Wells). “Goodnight Princess.”

 

**_The next morning_ **

 

I woke up late to an empty house yet again; I threw some jeans on and a tank top with a hoodie. I looked like shit, my hair was in a messy bun but I didn’t care. In a way I looked hot, but I also looked homeless at the same time just downgrading how I felt about myself.

I picked up my make up bag from the bathroom and stuffed it in my backpack and then set out of the house locking the door behind me. As I turned around I noticed Bellamy’s jeep parked outside my house with him and his trademark smirk looking out at me.

“You need a lift Princess?” He asked, seemingly knowing the answer.

“What payment shall you need?” I ask with a slight hint of flirtiness, walking up to the car window and leaning on the door.

“I’ll have to think on that one.” He says and I quickly kiss him on the cheek using the quite bold sign of affection as the payment.

“I think that’ll be enough.” I say as I go around to the other side of the car and get in.

“You’ll always be enough Princess.” He finally says as we start driving. This is definitely more than a friendship. This is a dependence on one another.


	3. Dependance is Declared

This is a continuation of 'I Declare Dependence'

Previously, Clarke and Bellamy become unlikely friends over the fact that she was late for school. 

They ditch school together after some drama goes down and learn a lot about each other in the time they spend together such as how Bellamy is part of a famous family that keeps him on the side lines and shows Octavia, his little sister, off. 

(They use him as their baby sitter for Octavia for when they are not around, which is almost all the time, and plan on kicking him out but paying for his new accommodation plus schooling and college fees.)

The day after he picks Clarke up as her mother has once again forgotten about her and gone to work. She pays him with a kiss on the cheek and that was the start of more of a friendship.

BELLAMY POV:

Clarke pulled me into the lunchroom with her and tugged me down to where she sat with her friends. 

I usually left school for lunch because I didn't want to have to deal with the oppressive school atmosphere. 

She looked at me as we sat down and gave me a small smile. This was the first time I was going to meet her friends. 

She introduced me to the rough type girl, Raven, the nerdy kid with science goggles on his head, Jasper with his girl friend Harper and his best friend, Monty and her other friend Miller. 

These guys stuck with her when they found out what Wells said to her about her not having a father. Raven gave him a punch across the face while the boys and Harper stood behind her cheering her on.

I commend Raven for that; I did the exact same to him, when he approached me accusing Clarke of changing and being a bad influence because of me. This was the same morning Raven punched creating lovely raccoon eyes for the rest of the week.

Clarke was talking to Monty about some kind of drink called moonshine and how he's made his own batch and stuff. She gives him a slightly disapproving look about it but then laughs when he makes a joke about Jasper chugging down the last batch cause it was so good.

Harper then turns to me and asks, "So Bellamy, where you live?" This question causes everyone to turn their attention to me. I feel slightly uneasy with them all staring at me, people attention isn’t really my thing.

"Ummm, 240 Arcadia street." I tell them hoping they won’t notice that that’s Octavia’s place, but everyone knows where the most popular girl lives.

"Wait... Isn't that where Octavia Blake lives? Are you sure you've got the right address?" Jasper asks me which confirmed my thoughts, also earning him a disapproving glare from Harper which her gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"What did you say your last name was?" Raven then pipes up from being so quiet.

"Blake. Bellamy Blake." I tell them getting a reaction of a smirk from the quiet Clarke and several gasps and a laugh out loud from Monty.

"Don't you guys see the resemblance?" Clarke states in a blatant sarcastic tone causing everyone to give a small laugh and a smile off Raven who I've noticed doesn't seem to smile that much.

"Yeah, I'll be moving out at the end of the month though. The family isn't that great, despite what the tabloids say." I raise my eyebrows and take a bite of the apple in my hand, trying to avoid telling them about the whole thing where the family hates me and loves Octavia just because of her looks and I'm just the 24/7 baby sitter for when they're not around etcetera etcetera.

Clarke reassuringly squeezes my wrist under the table and I take her hand and squeeze it, smiling at her.

There's something between us, but we don't do anything about it. I guess it's because we're comfortable where we are. She's kissed my cheek a couple times and I've returned the favor but it's not gone any further than that. Sure one day, maybe today I’d pluck up the courage to kiss her but now I feel too reluctant to do anything as such. 

I’ve never been one to be reluctant to kiss a girl or have a good make out, but Clarke is different. I trust her, almost as much as I trust Octavia and that’s why she’s too special to ruin anything.

Clarke gestures for us to go outside and give a small smile as we excuse ourselves from the table and leave the cafeteria. I wrap my arm around Clarke’s shoulder as the slightly strong breeze hits us and she rests her head on my shoulder crossing her arms over her chest.

“They like you.” She simply states breaking the comfortable silence.

“Glad someone does.” I say and raise my eyebrows as we walk on towards the abandoned barn where Clarke and I would hang out in the woodland out back.

“Hey, what happened? Another argument?” She asks looking up at me, knowing that the family always has a problem with me and when they’re around they always bring the problems up. 

“Yeah, today’s problem was that they weren’t happy that I took Octavia out for dinner last night without their permission. I always take Octavia out for dinner without their permission so I didn’t see what the problem was and then they took upon every flaw of mine and threw it at me.” I tell her and she stares up at me with sad eyes, which then break out into that bright Clarke like smile that can brighten anyone’s day including mine.

I smile back down at her and hug her closer to me watching my breath in front of me fog up, which it wasn’t doing a minute ago. Suddenly the school alarm sounds and a warning of a storm heading our way. “All students are to head back to the school building.” Was the last thing said.

Clarke and I looked at the school in the far distance then to the old barn, which was only a few meters away. I took her hand and before she could object to anything and I pulled her into the dusty building.

The rain had started pelting down on the roof, and then was soon followed by massive hale stones. I was afraid that they might actually break through the ancient wooden roof.

“What a shit thing to happen on such a good day.” I sarcastically say and turn to look at Clarke who’s looking outside the small window. I walk up behind her to look at what she’s looking at and notice the massive storm cloud that set on for miles. This was going to be a long wait.

Clarkes phone vibrated in her back pocket and she takes it out reading the message from one of her friends. “It’s just Raven wondering if we got somewhere safe, with a little winky face.” She rolls her eyes at that and I laugh at her.

I quickly text Octavia and receive an instant reply that she’s with Lincoln at the café down the road and hold in a growl. ‘Lincoln this… Lincoln that…’ is all I’ve been hearing for the past couple of days and this guy is out of school and got a job. Serious brotherly disapproval from me, even though I was held back a year and I am two years older than Clarke, but it’s different.

“Where the hell did this storm come from?” I say to her looking back out the window then jumping down and taking my bag off my back.

“I don’t know, but it’s going to be here for a while.” She says still staring at the wondrous chaos outside.

Suddenly she screams as the window shatters from a hale stone hitting it, holding her cheek she turns to me with blood seeping from her fingers. “Shit, Clarke!” I rush over to her and pry her fingers off her face. 

Luckily the gash is nowhere near her eye but is still quite deep. I first take the towel from my bag and hand it to her and then rush back getting my bag off the table from the last prom the school had and open it up to get the small first aid kit. 

“What? Why do you have a first aid kit?” Clarke asks me sitting down on the table where I moved my bag; she’s extremely calm for someone that’s just had their face practically sliced open.

“To make sure I’m prepared to save damsels in distress when they need patching up.” I say sarcastically and then look at all the supplies in the small kit not knowing what to do with them.

The blank look on my face must be evident as she has a small mischievous smile on her face. “So how are you going to save the damsel in distress if you actually have no clue what you’re doing?” She tells me with one eyebrow raised.

“It’s for medically able damsels in distress, Princess.” I say winking at her as she takes out her phone and inspects the gash using the camera. 

“It’s deep so it’s going to need stiches unless there is medical glue in that thing of yours.” I search through the kit and only find a small sewing kit.

“Great, that’ll do.” She says plucking the kit from my hand and opening it up while I hold the cloth to her face.

She looks up to me and at that moment I realise how close we are from each other. Suddenly all those feelings that I’ve had for her since I put my phone number in her phone in biology come alive in me and even though I’m about to stich her up, I feel the incessant need to kiss her.

She looks back down to thread the needle and I blink away the thoughts, for now. She hands it to me and I stare at it clueless in what to do with it. She takes the ‘holding towel duty’ and looks at me with a deadly serious look on her face.

“Ok, you are going to do this right. If you screw this up… if you screw up my face. I will have to kill you. Ok?” She says and then explains the whole concept of stitching. Sure I’ve done some of my own stitching of my own clothes, but skin…

She takes away the towel and I clean the wound then push the two sides of the cut together and bring the now sterile needle up. The wind howls through the open window, also lowering the temperature of the room causing me to shake ever so slightly. I then start the stitching in the way Clarke told me. Each time I push the needle through she flinches and clenches her jaw even harder whilst balling her hand up till her knuckles go white.

I work in silence and I swear she’s so pale that she could pass out anytime soon. Maybe it would be easier on her if she did, but she stays strong with her jaw clenching and unclenching and watery eyes from the burning pain.

When I’m finished I tie it off in the way that Clarke taught me. I smile at her as I slightly step back and she looks up at me giving me a smaller smile than usual, not even bothering to check if I’ve done it right.

“Thanks Bellamy. Just saying, I would’ve had that done in ten minutes.” She tells me giving a one sided smirk on the undamaged side of her face. 

“Ha, Princess. You should be lucky you have an excellent surgeon to do these kinds of things for you.” I tell her taking a small step closer to her so that I stand between her legs resting my hands on the table either side of her. I was going to do it, I was going to kiss her.

“Oh, myself? Yeah, I know, I’m that lucky.” She says with a sparkle in her eyes. “But I couldn’t have done it without the rebellious knight in shining armor.” 

I lean towards her and rest my forehead on hers as she laces her arms around my neck, bringing me closer. My hands find her waist and her arms slightly tighten as we take each other in, creating each other’s warmth. I look down at her, with her bright blue eyes shining through the dark room. She gives me that smile that made me fall for her when she laughed at my jokes, when she brightened up those bad days. Caressing her uninjured cheek, I lifted her chin, ignoring all the howling from the wind, our noses almost touching. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my bottom lip. She stared back into my hardened brown eyes and moved that last centimeter which closed the gap between us, kissing me softly and not rushed, all the feelings we’ve both felt since we met all poured into that kiss, our first kiss.


	4. Death by Love

Based off 'Spacewalker'.

BELLAMY POV:

We were finally back at camp after all the commotion, Raven still hadn't gotten over what Clarke had done to Finn. I watched her walk towards us, everything still in slow motion. Her eyes were blank, emotionless. I felt sympathy for her, I understood what she did and she did it for good reason.  
Clarke just stared at Raven who was talking to Abby, with still red rimmed eyes.

I got up from the log I was sitting on and walked over to where Clarke still stood watching. Her hand and the front of her shirt was still slightly bloody. I blocked the view of Abby and Raven from Clarke's sight.

The tears started to spill down her cheeks as she whispered, "Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things." I extended my arms out and enveloped her in a hug and turned her away from the camp's stares.

I felt her body rack with sobs even though she cried quietly. I stroked her hair and whispered pointless comforting phrases into her hair as she cried into me.

"Bellamy. I need to be alone." She whispers taking a small step back from me, but only far enough that our faces are inches away from each other.

She releases me and turns away to quickly walk away into the forest towards what I assume would be the dropship or the art supply store. People watch as she goes, moving out of her way to let her leave.

I watch after her for a second but then decide that I should follow after in case she does anything stupid. Clarke is not in any state to be doing anything by herself.

I run after her through the thick crowd that has accumulated around the edge of the forest. I catch a glimpse of gold hair in the distance and jog in the general direction.

I keep my distance from her to just watch that she doesn't fall or something stupid like that. We run for what seems to be around ten minutes until she finally slows down in a slightly open patch of ground where the low moon shines down into the clearing.

She looks around and then sits down near a tree, I recognize this place as it's close to the art supply store. I guess she didn't want to go in there with the dead grounder still out in the open.

She stares ahead of her with silent tears running down her cheeks, I can't do anything but just watch. Clarke turns around and looks straight at me even though I was in the cover of the trees, "Bellamy, I said I wanted to be alone, not watched."

"Princess, right now it's not the best time to be alone." I say stepping out of the trees into the clearing.

"Please don't call me princess ever again." She says almost hissing at me, sending daggers my way.

I mistakenly take a step back from her and her whole face softens, "Bellamy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I quickly move forward sit down next to her and bring her towards so that her head rests on my chest with my arms wrapped around her.

"Clarke, I understand. I understand why you did it and you are brave for being able to, I could never do it to Octavia or you for that matter." I say not regretting that I just basically told her she means quite a lot to me.

"Bellamy, I murdered him. I told him I loved him and then murdered him." She says looking up at me.

"Well did you?" I ask, "Love him."

"I don't know, he kept telling me that he loved me. I could never say it back but as soon as he's about to die I tell him. What is wrong with me Bellamy?" She questions leaning her head onto my shoulder.

"There's nothing wrong with you, you saved hundreds of lives by making the right decision. By making the brave decision that not everyone would understand. Clarke that's who you are." I tell her still holding her.

"What, a murderer?" She questions.

"No Clarke, you are one of the bravest people I know, and if you or anyone think that you murdered Finn, they're wrong. You're wrong. You didn't murder him, you put him at peace with himself and you helped him, he was going to be tortured for the life of eighteen people. You didn't torture him at all, you gave him peace." I finish. She may not beleive it herself but Finn was going crazy inside, and when she put him down and told him she loved him, he was at peace with himself.

He died loved by the girl he loved. She wouldn't understand that.

"He broke my heart, and then I stabbed his." She still was crying with tears soaking into my shirt, I didn't care. I needed to be there for her like she was for me when I wanted to run away from everyone, when she found out that I shot the chancellor. She made me see who I was, and she made me who I am today.

"Clarke, you did the right and honorable thing." I tell her with no doubt in my voice or mind.

"Bellamy, why do you care about me?" She asks almost shocking me. "and why do you accept what I've done, because I'm sure no one else does. Not even my own mother."

"Clarke I care about you because you know me, you are the one that sees me for who I am. No one understands some of the things I do, but you do. Clarke I understand why you did what you did for Finn, even if no one gets it. I do." I look down at her curled up against my chest nibbling on the sleeve of her shirt.

She takes in what I said and then looks up at me with a small smile on her face, probably the first she's had in the past few hours. The tear stains, prominent on her dirty cheeks, "Bellamy, you mean a lot to me too. Just thought I'd tell you."

I give a small chuckle and rest my head on hers, "I know."

Only if we could stay like this forever, it's always gonna be Clarke and I. The others made us the rulers. Now we have to rule.


	5. Best Worst Day Ever

Clarke POV:

"No Finn, I've had enough! I can't do this anymore. You've hurt me by breaking my heart, and what? I'm supposed to ignore the fact you have a girlfriend? I'm done, we are done." I yelled at Finn as I grabbed my bag and backed out of the apartment. He had an angry look on his face and I wasn't sure if he was going to let me go peacefully or not.

I had met Finn several weeks ago at a party of one of my friends and he had charmed me into thinking that he was this prince in shining armour when in fact he was an asshole; his real girlfriend was in the process of moving in with him from a different state, but she wouldn't be there for another couple of weeks. This then allowed him to search around for other girls and have some 'fun' with them.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back but I struggled against him, which then caused him to push me into the wall making me drop most of my what I was holding. He gripped my hair and held my neck attempting to strangle me.

Panic arose inside me as I struggled to breath. This wasn't the Finn I knew, the guy that was kind and gentle with me even though he was a cheating lying bastard. Something inside him snapped and he changed. 

He released my neck and slapped my face and yelled, "Get inside now."

Suddenly Finn was wrenched off me and was thrown back into the opposite wall. A shirtless tanned guy with a major bed head stood with an angry look on his face.

"You touch her once more, I will punch you and it won't be pretty." He told Finn who cowered under the glare of the muscular guy.

"We aren't done here Clarke." Finn spat at me before picking himself up from sliding down the wall and walking back inside the apartment. "Oh yes we are." I yell back at him before he slams the door on us both.

I launch myself at the door but before I could reach it the tanned guy pulls me back and I weaken in his grip and the unnamed stranger loosens his hold on my waist. He turns me around and asks, "You ok Princess?" to which I nod as he examines the bright red hand mark on my face and the red markings around my neck. "You wanna come up to mine and have some tea or something?"

I nod and silently pick up the dropped bags while the guy picks up some of the loose papers that went flying. Not saying a word between us even though the only thing I want to do right now is cry or punch something.

"I'm Clarke." I start the conversation as we step into the lift.

"Bellamy." He says extending his free hand and shaking my smaller paler hand.

"So Princess-" Bellamy starts but is interrupted.

"Clarke." I tell him once more raising an eyebrow and slightly blushing due to the nickname to which he smirks.

"Clarke, what were you doing messing around with him?" He asks me, still with a hint of a smile of his face.

"I was dating him but didn't know he had a girlfriend until today when she called him and I picked up the phone. He then turned all soppy and was like, 'I love you.' and shit like that and then when I finally tried to leave, well that happened." I told him with a sad look on my face.

"I'm sorry, but lucky for you I was getting my stolen headphones back." He tells me puffing up his chest and looking down at me trying to keep a straight face, I couldn't help but let a small smile out. This guy was working small miracles.

"Well aren't you the hero of the day?" I say sarcastically with a humorous glint in my eyes as I look up at him still trying to ignore the fact that he's topless and in jogging bottoms. Practically a 'hot guy' look, which he works very well.

He gives a low chuckle, which I swore I could feel move throughout my body as a shiver ran down my spine.

We land of his floor of the building with me finding out he lives in the penthouse. As I step in I look around the place with a highly impressed look on my face. It's neat and has a nice aura around it, a sense of home.

"Nice place," I compliment him on the décor, placing my bags down by the door and taking off my shoes.

"Yeah, I sometimes share it with my sister and that's why it's so neat." He says not looking at me from where he stands in the kitchen getting the sugar out of the cupboard. I watch as his back muscles ripple as he grabs and brings the jar down setting it on the counter and grabbing a spoon.

"Yeah I can sense the feminism around here." I say with a small laugh as he brings up the spoon and slightly gestures to the sugar. "One please."

He picks up a previously flung off shirt and puts it on and we settle down on the couch with mugs in hand and faces lit up by the low light of the loft. I stay quiet for the moment absorbing what's just happened but then look up at Bellamy who's watching me intently as if waiting for me to say something.

"Thank you, by the way. You've saved me from a rough night." I speak up finally saying something filling the empty silence.

"No problem Princess." He says smoothly and naturally and I give him a warning look with a smile.

"What's with calling me Princess?" I ask him narrowing my eye still with the stupid smile on my face.

"Well I did just save you, like a damsel in distress. Usually they're princess' aren't they?" He raises his eyebrows with this smirk on his face that just makes me either want to hit him or kiss him.

"Yes, ok fine." I roll my eyes and ask, "So tell me about you. You've heard or seen enough shit about me."

He seems slightly taken aback by the question or me cussing, blinking several times before answering, "I'm Bellamy Blake, my sister is Octavia Blake. I don't really do much in the line of hobbies as I either spend my days working shifts at the bar downtown or I do some community service kind of thing at the children's hospital, but I mainly work with the older kids." He finishes taking a sip of his tea watching my expression.

I give him that, 'Are you sure?' kind of look and open my mouth to say something but all I can do is let out a breath of silent words. I mean this guy; this really hot guy does community service with kids.

I swear this may be the best worst day ever.

He laughs at my still confused expression and I take a sip of my tea and then ask, "What about your sister?"

"Octavia's at college, she sometimes comes home. Most times she's at her boyfriends house." And by the look on his face I could tell he didn't approve of the boyfriend.

"What is he an alcoholic or something? Druggie?" I offer suggestions and he raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth to go on a whole rant about his sister's boyfriend but then decides against it and just gives me that big brother protection type vibe.

"Worse, he's older than her by three years and the first time I met him it was at the bar and a fight broke out between him and one of the other customers." He tells me like that explains everything.

I nod and give a small laugh, "So you're an over protective brother, that seems to workout a lot and works at a bar and at a community center. You're a people person." I say summing up what I've found out about him.

"Yeah I guess." He looks down as if not telling me something.

"Am I missing something?" I ask as I look at him with curiosity laced in my words because he's not telling me something and even though I've only met the guy a few minutes ago, I find myself intrigued by his story and who he is.

He looks up surprised by my question and I look at him expectantly waiting for an answer because he knows that I know that he's not telling me something and that I want to find out.

"Octavia and I have it rough, I've had to do wrong something's in my past to get me where I am today. But..." He pauses unsure on how to phrase his next sentence.

"You did it for Octavia." I finish for him and he looks up with a small shocked expression, which then turns into a gloomy smile.

"We lost our parents at a young age, both my parents killed. From then on, O was put in an orphanage and I had to grow up too quickly away from her, it was only three years ago that I found her and we set things right but she's had to adjust to my version of 'parenting'. I haven't really had a stable life and I'm not exactly the most reliable person." He circles the rim of his almost empty cup.

I look at him for a long moment and then say, "What I get from that is that you'd do a lot for your sister. She's the only one you have and you've made a huge effort with her, giving up a lot so she can have what makes her happy. That is who you are"

"Why?" He asks me shortly after I sum him up and I look at him confused.

"Why what?" I ask him confused at his short question.

"Why, or more rather how do you understand someone as messed up as me?" He says with a lopsided smile.

"Everyone has a story and though yours is a lot worse than others, there's always someone that understands it." I tell him because I slightly get what he's going through having lost my dad and having a mother that doesn't really pay much attention to me.

"What about you, what's your story?" He asks and I tell him about my best friend, Wells and about my parents and my dad's death, telling him about that it was my mothers fault that he died and she was the one that hit him that night and killed him.

"That's also a harsh life, with your mom and dad and all, but luscious locks down stairs seems a bit far out of your circle. If you catch my drift." He tells me and I smile down at my now empty cup at the nickname he gave to Finn.

"Well life sometimes gets a bit tedious and you've got to try new things out. Example, dating someone like him, which now I know I'm never going to do again." I say and he laughs and smiles at me.

I place my cup on the table and stand up, "I should be going, it's really late."

"You have a car?" He asks me mimicking placing the cup on the table and standing up.

"Nah I'll catch a taxi." I tell him hoping he won't ask where I live or offer to drive me.

"Let me take you, I'll just get my keys and a hoodie." He tells me and grabs his jumper off the coat rack.

"No please, it's an hours drive." I stop him from getting his keys by grabbing them and putting them behind my back knowing that he would actually drive me. He steps closer to me trying to reach behind my back with our faces so close I can feel his warm breath on my nose.

"Well there is no way are you catching a taxi at this time, you can crash here in O's room." He tells me and takes a step back putting his hands up and giving me a hint of a smirk.

"Fine." I take the keys out from behind my back and toss them up into the air as I pass him and plop back down onto the couch smiling to myself for no reason.

"Well there's no way I'm sleeping for a while," I look up at him as he dumps his hoodie over the kitchen counter and then sits down right next to me slightly leaning into me.

"What movie we gonna watch Princess?" He questions, sharply looking across at me with remote in hand and smirk on his face.

"22 Jump Street." I say immediately sinking down into the same slouched position as him as raises he his eyebrows surprised at the selection and then puts the TV on and selects the movie.

I rest my head slightly on his shoulder shoulder as he leans back again and we watch the first five minutes in silence until he asks, "Do you drool in your sleep?" I crane my neck to look up at him with a curious look and then focus back on the TV.

"Occasionally." I simply answer truthfully trying to refrain from smiling.

"Snore?" He then phrases as a question.

"No, now shut up." I say and feel him smirk as he lift his arm up and puts it around the sofa so that I fit neatly against him.

Just to think, this was a guy that I met not only half an hour ago and here I am now sitting curled up against him on his sofa, staying the night. We've both gotten to know each other on a highly personal level without knowing the basic facts about each other.

I didn't know anything about Finn's family and here I pretty much know everything about his, I don't know how I managed it but I managed to trust someone more than I trusted a guy that I dated for three weeks in half an hour.

Half way through the movie my eyes started drooping and I found myself drifting to sleep, I felt Bellamy shift from underneath me and lift me up, slightly feeling his muscles tense from beneath me. All I heard before I fell asleep was, "Lets get you to bed before you drool on me Princess."

I don't know if I smiled at that or not, but it was definitely sure this was the best worst day ever.


	6. When There's Peace

It wasn't over, it wasn't even close to over. I was tired, I still hadn't had the time to mourn Finn's death. Raven still didn't like me but was warming up because I saved her from the encounter with the Grounders.

She hasn't forgiven me yet, I don't think she will for a long time but I wouldn't forgive me either. If someone killed my only family member, I would hate them.

I looked over the crease in the hill, everything we've ever made of ourselves destroyed by the Earth itself. It's funny how it seems like a harmless plant, all white, green and blue from space. Yet, it's so deadly with what inhabits it. From 100 people that came down to Earth, it's taken over half of them, never to return.

Just to think, I would have been a successful doctor on the Ark by now if we were still up there. I wouldn't have known any of these kids who I have grown to love as family. I wouldn't have fallen in love, I wouldn't have met Bellamy, who's changed me in so many ways. For the better of myself.

So not for one minute do I want any other fate other than the one I've been given.

Bellamy walks and stands up next to me watching the vibrant setting sun. I find myself thinking about the night I killed Finn. Yes, I did it for the best but I killed him, the guy I loved.

But I didn't love him anymore, thinking back to that old feeling I had in my heart whenever he told me he loved me, that feeling I had when I told him. It's gone, he's gone and I've moved on.

I look up at Bellamy who looks tired, stressed to say the least. but the stress evident on his face dissipates as he watches the sun inch down, sinking into a new light.

I sit and pull him down next to me, resting my head on his shoulder. I slightly feel him tense beneath me and consider moving my head but then he relaxes and puts his arm around me pulling me closer.

Tears sting my eyes, thinking about all that's happened. All that I've done these past few months to survive.

Bellamy's favorite quote of mine, which I live off, comes to mind, "Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things."

A stray tear tumbles down my cheek and before I know it they're streaming down my face and I hide my face in the crook of his neck as he holds me tighter.

The same thing happened when I thought my moms ship had crashed, this was mourning for each of the 100's deaths, for each of the Skypeople, for the grounders, Anya, Finn, Wells and even Charlotte.

Thinking back, it was me that failed each one of them. I let them down and they died because of me.

Bellamy rubs my back soothingly and strokes my hair, shushing me. I'm not going to lie, this is the safest I've felt for a while. Being with him makes me feel safer than if I was surrounded by the Arks guards, which shows how much I've grown to trust him.

I sniff and look up him, small tears running down his cheeks and a slighly red nose. This was his mourning as wel. I don't care that he's crying, we've been through so much, I wouldn't expect any less.

He looks down at me and blinks away a lone tear that falls down his cheek and presses his lips to my forehead.

I close my eyes absorbing the sign of affection that I realise he only gives to Octavia and myself. Never in my life of knowing him have I seen him love another girl, other than his sister. But the way he protects me, I couldn't help but think what if he did think of me as someone more than a co-leader or friend.

We've come so far together, from hating each other, I've found something that I didn't have with Finn. I trust him, I trust him with my life. He's saved me more times than I can count, even with the small things. He's been there for all of the dangerous times at my side, protecting not only me but everyone.

He rests his head on mine and I rest my head on his chest, listening to the calming beat of his heart watching the last slither of the sun sink into the ground. The oranges and reds blend into one creating a master piece only our eyes can capture.

"What are we going to do Bellamy?" I ask him.

"I don't know, but when this is over I..." He stops sighing, "I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think anyone does." He finishes, slightly loosening his hold on me.

"Will there ever be peace? Can't we just run from all of this to a place where there isn't anyone and just make a life for ourselves." I say thinking out loud, if only it was that easy.

"Only if our life was that easy Princess." He says echoing my thoughts using the nickname I had been given on my first day on Earth.

I stayed silent watching as the vibrant colors fade into a dark blue shining with millions of stars.

Bellamy lay down and pulled me down with him, resting my head on his arm which was curled around my shoulder.

A shooting star flew across the sky and I smiled remembering the question Bellamy asked me that night I asked him if you could wish on the shooting stars of the memorial flares.

'"What would you wish for?"' He asked me that night.

I remember looking over at Finn and Raven, wanting something like that. Looking at where I am now, this is it. I realise that I depend on Bellamy and what we have is more than just a leadership, more than a friendship.

"What are you going to wish for?" I ask him breaking the comfortable silence still watching the night sky.

"I wish that we could have peace, that we could move on with our lives." He says turning his head looking down at me.

Feeling his warm breath on by forehead I smile. "Same." I whisper so that it's only audible for him and the wind to hear, letting the wish float off hoping it will come true.

One day, if we don't die, I want something more with Bellamy, him and no one else.


	7. Who am I?

After all my friends had left, leaving a mess of food containers from KFC in their wake, I sat in one of those low comfy chairs in the restaurant of the Sports Complex, waiting to be picked up by my mom who was most probably going to be late so I took out my phone and started reading.

Ten minutes went by without a disturbance until I felt someone pat my head. I looked up to see possibly the most popular guy in the whole city and I'm not kidding, every guy wanted to be him and every girl wanted to be with him. Every girl except me. Bellamy Blake, I never liked him, sure he was really attractive but for me it was the personality that counted and he wasn't exactly what you would call a nice person.

"Hey Clarke, you alright?" He asked me; the fact that he would speak to me was a bit unsettling because we didn't speak much before I moved away from his school even though he sat behind me in English, if anything I didn't like him. He was basically the schools slut and I was quite happy that I had moved away from him.

"Yeah I'm good and you?" I ask him watching for any sign that he may leave me alone to finish reading.

"I'm good, did you eat all that?" Gesturing to the mass pile of food pots left over on the table in front of me by my friends who had left ten minutes earlier.

"Nope, everyone else but me." I smiled up at him waiting for a response or him to leave.

"Who's everyone else?" He asked me setting down his bag and plopping himself down next to me on the chair next to mine.

"Jasper, Monty, Raven, Finn..." I trail off after mumbling the last name.

"Ohh, Finn. Yeah what happened with you guys? Didn't he like cheat on you or something?" He asked which I returned a venomous look in his direction. "So that's a yes."

"Mmm," I look at him smirking at my reaction and then roll my eyes.

"Can I now ask you a question?" I ask him locking my phone and setting it down on my lap deciding that I was going to be blunt.

He nods and leans forward, looking like he's intrigued by what I'm going to say. "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

He raises his eyebrows and smirks a little more so it's almost at a grin. I look at him expectant for an answer.

"Yeah, well... it was cancelled because of the rain, the pitch is flooded." He says giving me a matter of fact look.

"What about you?" I look away, annoyed at his confidence.

"Sadly, not anymore." I say flashing him a quick eye roll.

"Well I guess we're stuck with each other." He says with a new weird light in his eyes that I would say looked a bit like hope.

"Well lucky for you I don't feel like being around anyone I actually like." I say and give him a small smile when I see him give me a confused kind of look.

"What's it with you and not liking me Princess?" He asks me straight up with the confused look still planted on his face.

"One, don't call me Princess and two cause you're a flirt and a douche." I tell him with a confidence I never knew I had until now.

I can't really tell what he's thinking with the look on his face until he gives a low chuckle. I would think he would have gotten up and left me alone finally until he sat back with a genuine smile on his face and raised eyebrows. "And what can I do change that Princess?"

"You're wanting advice from the girl that dated a guy who cheated on her?" I say and put my feet up on the chair getting ready for the long conversation that was to come.

"Yeah because he's an idiot and you're not." He shrugs his shoulders and waits for my answer, which was probably going to be useless because I was useless in relationships and had no clue what it was like to have popular status like him.

"Fine, first you have to date someone that isn't a slut or popular. Someone you like just because you like who they are and not what they look like." I tell him simply and look down at my phone that's just vibrated with a text from Finn wanting to meet up.

Bellamy watches me carefully and then says, "So someone like you." I raise my eyebrows, slightly shocked but recover before he could notice.

"Someone like me, but not me." I say with that confidence I didn't have until today.

He laughed at that and then gave a smaller smile, "Why not? If it wasn't me, would you date them?" He asks me and this conversation suddenly just got personal.

"Nope. Not now and not for a while." I tell him hoping it won't bring up my fears of being in a relationship but knowing Bellamy it will.

"But why? Is it because of what Finn did?" He asks and because it's already gone down the personal road I answer.

"Sort of, but it's a lot more than that." I say still giving him brief answers but know that he will want to find out more and by his raised eyebrows he wants to know more but I just shut up and look down at my phone again re-reading the text from Finn.

_"Clarke... I'm sorry." He says suddenly after the silence leaving me thinking that he was going to get up and leave but I look up him with a confused look but then I remember that he knew about what happened with my parents and the betrayal._

_I was about to leave English when the teacher had stopped me from going out. Bellamy was at the back of the class in detention for not completing the homework. Mr Jackson had a sullen look on his face and what almost looked like tears in his eyes. Knowing that my dad was in a comma, something could have happened to him and it did..._

_"Clarke, I'm sorry. Your dad... Your mom made the decision today to let him go." He tells me in a low tone._

_I stood there looking at him with the tears slowly making their way down my cheeks, "It wasn't her right to do that." I whisper, "What about me? Why couldn't she have talked to me first?" I sob and feel arms wrap around me. I look over the shoulder and think it's MrJackson'sbut see him at his desk with his head in his hands crying as well._

_Bellamy had gotten up seeing that Mr Jackson wasn't in any better state that I was and had told me everything was going to be alright. I had clung onto Bellamy as I sobbed into his shoulder soaking his shirt. "I'm sorry Clarke." I had heard him say._

That was what put me off being in relationships and every time someone came close to me in that sense I pushed them away, I couldn't trust anyone.

It was after that, which I moved away from that school and into the Academic Rhodes Kings College or ARK College, away from the people I once knew into a fresh start where people didn't really know me.

"I'm too scared Bellamy" I said simply and he nodded with a gentler look on his face.

"Would you ever get over that fear?" He asks me with that weird light in his eyes once again which I had called hope.

"I don't know, I'm too scared to try anything with anyone because I might get hurt and the fact that I'm so inexperienced in relationships makes it scary." I tell him truthfully, and it hits me that this conversation has gone completely the opposite way that I wanted it to go. "And you, you are really experienced in everything, but the thing is girls don't see who you for who you are." I slouch back even further in the chair.

"Who we are and who need to be to survive are two very different things." He tells me simply like it's his life motto which I'm assuming it is.

"Yeah and that's the thing Bellamy, I haven't really liked you because you never showed who you are and I know that when you're a dick that's not you, it's not even close. That day that my dad passed away, I may have had a lot going on but that person that was with me, that's who you are." I tell him.

He looks up at me from looking down with a smile on his face, not that smirk that is always plastered on his face, a real smile that shows who he is. "So then Princess, if putting up those walls is who you are to survive, then who are you?"

"I don't know." I say giving him a small sad smile.

 

"We'll why don't we find out," He says, not as the jerk Bellamy, but as the Bellamy I know. The Bellamy that is going to help me find who I am.


	8. You and I

I remember who I was, I was the innocent child that had been left to raise an even smaller child in secret.

I was the teenager that had to enlist in the guards a whole year earlier than everyone else because my mother was done providing for my sister and I.

I was the guy that got demoted from being a guard to a janitor because I failed against my mothers wishes to keep my sister safe.

I was the guy that shot the chancellor of the ark to be able to be there to protect the sister I had failed to save.

I was the man that did what ever the hell he wanted and screwed up because of it.

I was the man whore that slept and took advantage of the girls that had come down to Earth.

I was the guy that let you wander off on your own to go find supplies, and that caused one of us to almost die.

Then I changed for you, I taught you how to use a gun, and I stayed because you wanted me to.

I then was the man that walked beside you into danger facing it like we weren't afraid, like we had each other.

I was the one that taught you and made me realise that who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things.

I was the leader that sacrificed himself for one of the 100 and almost got hung for it.

I was the one that ran forward into a war that we didn't ask for, asking you to follow me too.

We were the ones that saved our family and lost it all in one day, we lost each other, but you had to.

The moment I had you back in my arms, it made me realise that I didn't want to fall in love at all, but at some point you smiled and shit, did I blow it.


	9. The Rebel Leader and The Brave Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telling the kids past stories with a little bit of a bent truth to keep it PG.

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom that no one could ever leave. In this kingdom there was rebellious man and a beautiful Princess. These two people had grown up so differently that even though they were in the same space, they were on either side of the cosmos.

"One day a terrible thing happened and the Princess was captured by the King because she had to keep a secret. A secret that could save many hundreds of lives, but none the less the King Jaha would not have her spilling the darkest secret he held. The King killed her father who also knew the secret and kept her imprisoned with hundreds of other teenagers who all had been imprisoned for the most ridiculous of reasons example having a second child." 

" _Bellamy are you telling them this story again?" I hear the valiant Princess call from behind me, passing into our makeshift kitchen._

_"Ya." I say back in a childish questioning tone knowing what she's going to say next._

_"Haven't you told the kids this so many times I'm sure they know it by heart?" She says popping her head into the room looking at the expression on the faces of our two children who are sitting there as innocently as can be slowly shaking their heads at their mother._

_I smile at them both with such great resemblance to both of us, Octavia always had made sure to do Thalia's blonde hair just like Clarke's whenever she looked after the kids and once actually joined up the freckles on Wells' cheeks with some black paint and then gave him back to us like nothing had happened._

_Clarke's face softened at the loving look I gave her and smiled nodding and coming and setting down next to me listening intently just as she always did when it came to telling the story._

"Ok so back to where we left off when the Princess was taken. Her mother was left behind as she was a trusted council member of the King, even though she also knew of the secret that she vowed to never tell anyone. 

Now onto the rebellious dashing young hero ( _"Really Bellamy?" "Clarke don't interrupt me, I'm loosing my game)_ , he had one sister which was not allowed and she was also put in the prison for being born because other wise there would be too many people living in this kingdom. 

One day the King decided to send 100 of these prisoners outside of the kingdom to venture into the depths of the woods. The Princess and the rebellious mans sister were in the crowd of prisoners to be sent out, so the Rebellious Knight ( _lets just say for now)_ snuck in with the group leaving, but he had to do something very bad in order to get into the group. As he walked towards them, the King shouted and ran forward with all his guards following closely behind, but 'Bang!' ( _" Clarke, I don't know if they had guns in those times so stop giving me disapproving looks.", "They didn't Bellamy, for about the 100th time!")_

 _  
_ "Sorry about that rude disturbance from the bloody Princess children, excuse my language but anyways the Rebellious Knight had shot or done whatever causing chaos and mayhem among the people and in this time he slipped onto the ship with the gun still in his hand just as the doors closed.

All the kids aboard the ship were all seated and finally they departed across the water to the other side, the had to go through massive amounts of water turbulence and a crash landing ashore the new undiscovered land which had not been set foot on for 97 years, or so they thought. 

Soon the camp was thriving and they had everything set, but the problem was the Brave Princess and the new Rebel Leader (" _New name now_  kids")didn't get on very well and constantly fought about the stupidest things you can imagine, such as if they should kill someone or not. Usually the Rebel Leader was always right (" _You know I'm right Clarke." I say raising my eyebrows at her shocked face)_ , but something about the Princess made him change for the good. 

One day the Princess was having a bad day and decided to come to the Rebel Leader so they could go out and look for some supplies that they had been told about from the people inside the kingdom that were due to set sail to the new land named Earth. The Rebel Leader was not too keen on that because he had harmed the King and thought the man would not be so forgiving towards him. So the Rebel Leader packed extra rations for a longer trip. He would leave the 100 newly freed prisoners in the capable hands of the Brave Princess, who would lead them after he was gone.

This then changed when he managed to save the Princess once again and she had begged him to stay because she needed his help running things and that she could give him forgiveness when no one else could. ( _I look over at Clarke, who reaches over and holds my hand giving it a squeeze.)_ She then brought the Rebel Leader back to the camp and after a tiresome evening, she had managed to get the Rebel Leader pardoned from his crimes.

This then formed a new friendship bond between the Brave Princess and the Rebel Leader because they had learned how to trust each other. The Rebel Leader didn't know it but slowly he was falling for the Brave Princess and with every day that went past and with every time they saved each others lives they became more aware of what was happening, but the Brave Princess had to let her Rebel Leader go on a dangerous mission to defeat many bad men who were looking to destroy them and the people they had found on the Earth.

By now the others had joined the 100 prisoners and they had gotten into the routine of life on Earth, but it wasn't all good because of these men that intended to kill their people in order to walk above ground again  _("No Bellamy, lets not go into the whole history of the Mountain Men, more action." Clarke exclaimed next to me squeezing my hand again causing the kids to nod their heads vigorously. Like mother like child.)_ So the Rebel Leader broke into this mountain and blew a lot of stuff up and managed to sneak his Princess inside who then managed to free all their people with the cost of killing all the people inside the mountain, even all the innocent ones.

This caused the Princess to be sad about what she did and she had a very heavy weight on her heart because of it, this means she would have to leave her Rebel Leader behind and all the kids she saved to go find somewhere where she wouldn't be reminded of all the bad things shes done.

The Brave Princess left all what she had behind, giving her Prince of a Leader a kiss on the cheek good bye and never to be seen again." 

_"The end." Clarke quickly finished after me, knowing that what happened after that involved a bit too much explicit content for a five year old and a three year old. We sent the kids off to bed and I watched as Clarke pulled a blanket up to Wells' chin just so that his dirty blonde hair stuck out shining in the dark room. Clarke closed the door to the kids room and walked up to me placing her arms around my shoulders and resting her forehead against mine and gently kissed me._

 

_"Lets go to bed Princess." I say giving her a small smirk as she releases a small laugh and then takes my hand leading me to our room._

_Our kids would know that it was some form of story but they would never know that it was our story. The story of the Rebel Leader and the Brave Princess and how they fell in love in the midst of war and death_


	10. Meet, Trust, Like, Love

Octavia POV:

He just stood there watching as she left and then muttered something under his breath, which looked along the lines of 'May we meet again.' He looked so lost now that she was gone and it's only been a minute. 

Raven comes up and stands next to me with her new brace all equipt and crutches. Wick stands close guard behind her as if he's protecting his most prized position, which I'm not sure is the brace, the crutches or Raven. "He looks down. Him and Clarke, they were something but they just never knew it and now she's gone he doesn't know what to do." Raven says watching him.

I look over at my bother and it dawned on me; he cared about her. He actually wanted her to stay because he cared about her. I remember the hug and how he looked as if he never wanted to let her out of his sight again, and the look on his face when she had sent him into the mountain saying she was weak to not do it before. That was the look of pure hurt and it was because he cared about her.

And now... He was just going to let her walk away and not come back to be with my brother who not I look at it has done so much for her and sacrificed so much for her. Don't get me wrong she's sacrificed for him too, she got him our of the shit with Jaha and she made him stay when no one including myself at the time wanted him to.

I march up to my bother with Raven following slowly behind, he stands outside the gate not wanting to come in and face the 100 delinquents alone. "You are just going to let her go? Bellamy Blake is letting a women slip through his grasps!" I state emphasizing on the word women.

"Not now O-" He starts to say.

"No don't give me the 'I'm not in the mood' bullshit because you can fix this Bellamy. You care about her and she cares about you and you're just letting her walk away. What if she's gone forever Bellamy, then what are you going to do? This is the first time in your life that you have every properly cared about a girl, and I'm not sure if you love her or whatever but it doesn't matter because you want to be with her. You feel empty without her, don't you?" I question my big brother who looks at me with such a surprised expression.

"O, she doesn't care about me and I don't feel empty or whatever ok?" He says looking down and starts walking inside the gates but I pull him back to face me.

"Bellamy, you are saying that Clarke Griffin doesn't care about you. Bell, have you seen the way she looks at you? It's like you're the ocean and she was desperate to drown. Bellamy she really cared about you." I tell him but he shook his head and turned to continue walking but Raven put out her crutch to stop him.

"Bellamy, if Clarke cares most about someone, it's you. You should have seen her face the moment your voice came over the radio, it was like a light had been relighted in her and she was able to breath and function again. She finally realized what she was working for when she heard your voice, she wanted to get everyone out safe but most importantly you. Lexa told her that love is weakness, and that is why she sent you into Mount Weather, it was because she cared about you." Raven finishes finally putting her crutch down.

"And isn't what she said 'I was being weak.' Bellamy, don't you dare tell me that that girl doesn't care about you because she does and she has the most faith in you." I finish and I see the light return into his eyes as he turns to where Clarke had given him a final kiss and starts running in the direction that she had trekked away.

Bellamy POV:

 _"It's like you're the ocean and she was desperate to drown."_ Octavia's and Raven's voices rang in my head as I sprinted to catch up with the Princess.

She cares about me, she cares about the 100. I can't just let her leave, these kids need her, I need her.

I might be like the moon and she, the sun with great distances between us which hindered our potential due to the timings of our rotations. Our differences collide and our paths rarely ever crossed but when it did we could not get enough of each other.

I think back to when she ran towards me and enveloped me in a hug, I remember the sense of the feeling of home. That 'this was where I wanted to be' and I had that feeling all the way to the grounders camp and it was all because I had my sister and I had Clarke with me. I had felt what it had been like to be home but I wasn't in a specific place, I was where my heart was, with the two girls I care about the most.

I finally caught up to her in a dense tree covered woodland and she turned around in surprise as I tackled her in a hug, she slightly struggled against me but finally gave up when she realized she had no hope of getting out. 

"Bellamy..." She said and I took a step back holding her out in front of me.

"Look Clarke, I can't let you go. We need you... Screw it, I need you like you have no idea." I tell her with desperation filling my voice

"I've only been gone 10 minutes Bellamy, I'm sure nothing drastic has happened that you can't take care of." She says in a nonchalant tone and turns to carry on walking, but not before I catch the look on her face as if she was about to start crying.

"Clarke, please. I forgive you, we all do. But I need you, I can't do anything without you because you are the one that pushed me to be who I am today. Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?" I ask her gazing down into her blue eyes only inches away from mine.

"You were the smart girl in class that knew everything until you came down to this planet, where as I was a janitor with a highly screwed up family, but now this world has changed me into a great leader with a second half who is jsut running away because she's supposed to carry everyones pains herself. Clarke I don't accept that; that isn't who you've been told to be, you've been made to be a great and beautiful leader that everyone follows because she knows what to say and when to say it, with such a large amount of confidence that you put me to shame" I smile and see that a small ray of light returns to her eyes.

"When I first saw you Bellamy, I was afraid to meet you. Then when I first met you, I was afraid to trust you. And when I finally learnt how to trust you, I was afraid to like you and when I started to like you I was afraid that that would turn into something much more, which is why I sent you into Mount Weather because I was told that 'Love is weakness.' Bellamy I sent you to your death because I was afraid that I loved you, but yet still here you are wanting me to come back with you, but I can't because as I said, I bare it so they don't have to."

"Clarke I'm standing right here, willing to shed that load of guilt, because wasn't I the one that also pulled that lever? Wasn't I the one that agreed to you doing that? Clarke I'm here for you because I need you and you need me. We need each other." I state simply and she gives me a look of sympathy before turning and walking further away.

I'm not going to let her get away, so I run after her and grab her hand and spin the surprised blonde toward me, cupping her cheeks I lean down and kiss her. She tenses up and I'm about to stop when she moves her lips against mine and relaxes, placing her hands on my chest.

I rest my forehead against hers, "Please come back, for me?" I whisper slightly breathless against her lips.

"Bellamy-" She starts to say but I cut her off once again by kissing her.

"You're not going to let me speak until I come back are you?" She says and I feel her smile against my lips as I gently kiss her again between each word she speaks.

"Hell no." I say and press my lips to hers, feeling her hot breath mingle with mine as for the first time I feel like there could be peace in this world.

"I'll come back," She states breaking the kiss, "But only if we can continue this somewhere more comfortable." She says giving me a mischievous smile and now I know that I definitely will hold onto this girl for as long as I possibly can.


	11. Summer Love

Clarke walked into the large lecture hall, hoping that this new course on Fine Arts and History would spark her interests, rather than the whole medical pathway her mother had planned out for her.

That wasn't what Clarke really wanted to do with her life, she was an artist at heart and moving to this new town away from her mother was what she needed after the loss of her father.

She looked around the hall and standing at the front of the class was the person she least expected to be standing there. "Bellamy Blake." She whispered under her breath, receiving a few strange looks from her peers as they past her.

Judging by his dress code, he was the lecturer and she was his student.  
She remembered someone that looked a bit like Octavia walk into the dorm building this morning, but thought it was just someone that looked like her.

He turned around and locked eyes with her and judging by the warm look to the cold glare of realization, he still wasn't over what she did to him.

Clarke ducked her head down but felt his harsh stare as she walked further into the hall and sat down.

A wave of emotions ran over her and she remembered what she did, all crystal clear.

You could call what they had a summer love, but it wasn't that.

They had been stuck on a holiday island together, Clarke had had enough of the constant bickering from her parents and had ventured into the jungle, getting lost in the process.

There she had met Bellamy who had also wanted to get away from his sister and her boyfriend. They both wanted to just get away, from everything and used themselves as escapes.

After spending nearly everyday together for two months, what they had wasn't really a summer romance anymore. Clarke had promised Bellamy that she would make an effort to come and see him and call him.

But everything just crashed down as soon as the cruise docked when Clarke's ex boyfriend greeted her at the docks and she was swept away with the crowd never to see Bellamy again.

Until that morning where she had just blanked out every thing Bellamy was explaining and thought about that summer.

She didn't mean to leave Bellamy, but there was so much that happened, she never got back with Finn, in fact she slapped him when she got back to the house after saying something rude about Raven. Her father passed away, and it was all her mothers fault, her best friend died in a street shooting.

She didn't really have time to think about what had happened between her and the boy that changed her. And she wasn't going to lie that she really did like him and she did look through the photos on her phone. She never had the courage to phone him after what happened.

She watched him, not really listening as it was only an introduction to the course. Looking over the features of his face remembering that she had kissed those lips, she had touched the constellation of freckles on his face, she had stroked his hair as he fell asleep next to her. He had touched her in places that no one else had and he had made her feel like no one else had made her feel.

He was her breath of fresh air and as soon as he was gone her whole world came crashing down.

Now just thinking about it, she had tears forming in her eyes and she quickly blinked them away not wanting anyone to notice.

The end of the lecture was coming up and Bellamy's gaze had dropped onto hers. She held his gaze and then looked down but still felt him watching.

One of the students next to her lent over and whispered. "I think the new teacher has got something going for you, you should go for it he's hot." Clarke looked up to see a sandy straight haired girl with a single braid.

She stuck out her hand, "Harper." And smiled.

"Clarke." She returned and shook it. Then shook her head and whispered back, "he sure as hell doesn't like me, I made sure of that a while ago." She muttered the last sentence under my breath.

She gives Clarke a confused look and she smiles and waves her off focusing her attention back on what Bellamy was saying.

In due time the lecture was over, she got up and picked up her courage and walked up to the front where he stood picking up a pile of papers.

"Bellamy, can we please talk?" Clarke asked in a soft voice.

"It's Mr Blake, and what would you like to talk about? Or are you going to apologize for breaking my heart, or for leading me on?" He says in a monotone voice.

"Bellamy, you don't understand-" she starts saying but he cuts her off.

"I don't understand Clarke, it was right in front of my eyes. How could I not have understood you running off with another guy as soon as you got off the ship." He raises his voice.

"Bellamy, that was my ex boyfriend who I slapped as soon as I got home." She say slightly offended with the tears that she had cleared before rising up again. "Look, I know you don't want to hear it, and you don't have to but please let me explain. Please." She says and he closes his eyes and gives a small nod of his head allowing her to speak.

"I broke up with Finn before I left because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me but I didn't know. When I found out I broke it off. He though it would be fun to get back together with me but I didn't want to. From then on everything went to hell, my dad died and it was all because of my mother, my best friend was shot and killed.

"There was no time for anything else, the amount of times I just wanted to get in my car and find you was unbelievable or call you and hear you voice. But I knew you'd never want to speak to me again after what you saw." He looked at her with a blank face, and she knew that she and him were done and he wouldn't care about her anymore.

"Bellamy, I'm asking for your forgiveness. Please." After another blank look and no reply she said "you know what, be that person you have to be to 'survive' because I know that this is not who you really are." She said and just shook her head and walked out of the hall and into her new dorm.

She stopped by the door and the over whelming feeling of wanting to cry washed over her and she broke down right outside the door. She hear a single pair of footsteps and she heard the questioning voice of a girl "Clarke?" who just by her bad luck was Bellamy's sister.

Clarke looked up surprised and quickly wiped away the tears, Octavia didn't really know what to do to the girl that broke her brothers heart but she knew that Clarke had been through a rough day and decided that she was going to be as nice as she could be to Clarke.

"Come on, let's get you in." Octavia said pulling the girl up and leading her in, stepping over the cases that were placed by the door.

Octavia sat Clarke down on her bed and wiped the tears off her face. "You've seen Bell I'm guessing."

The blonde nodded, "Octavia, I promise it wasn't what it seemed like. That guy was my ex boyfriend who I slapped the moment I got free of him. I hated him. I didn't speak to Bellamy after that because I went through so much shit with my dads and my best friends death. I couldn't speak to anyone without wanting to break down." Octavia nodded and stroked Clarke's hair as Clarke tried to calm herself down.

"You told my brother all that and he didn't say anything." Octavia asked Clarke as she got up and wiped her face as she took in a few deep breaths to compose herself.

Clarke mumbled a barley audible "No." as she filled a glass of water and chugged it down.

Octavia whipped out her phone and wrote a quick text to her brother saying 'Clarke's in my dorm if you want to speak to her.'

She quickly put her phone back in her pocket before Clarke turned back around.

"I'm sorry Clarke. About all that's happened. I know Bellamy will come around sooner or later." Octavia said knowingly and Clarke gave her an eye roll before washing the salty tears off her face.

Octavia waited for 5 minutes before the knock on the door came. Clarke got up and answered it when she saw that it was Bellamy standing there in his baggy track bottoms and black tight shirt. She almost closed the door on his face but he put his hand on the door.

"Clarke," he started not sure what he was going to say to her.

"Look I know you don't forgive me, I've said my piece and I've explained myself. And Bell I really am sorry that I didn't call you, but as I've said I have my reasons as to why I did." Clarke said cutting him off.

"Clarke, you're forgiven, I really really liked you. I never got to say it before you left. And when you did leave with that guy, it shattered me inside. Knowing that you had someone else that you loved and it wasn't me." Bellamy says lowering his hand from the door to his side and taking a step towards Clarke who tensed up at his sudden movement towards her.

"And I think it just hurt that you didn't call after all that we went through and I was just... I don't know, I was really hurt." He finished.

"Clarke you want forgiveness I can give that to you, you are forgiven. Please can we just start again." Clarke had a smile on her face and glimmering tears in her eyes.

Bellamy took another step forward and cupped her cheek wiping away the stray tear and smiled down at the girl who he was once again falling for all over again.

He closed his eyes, rested his forehead on hers and took her hand.

"Isn't it like illegal for a teacher to date their student?" They hear Octavia yell from the other side of the room and Clarke releases a small laugh moving back from Bellamy and looking into his eyes.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Bellamy asks Clarke already pulling her out of the door way and down the hall taking her laughter as a yes.

They stop outside and he pulls her towards the university garden, the sunset going down and the flowers slowly closing for the night.

They sit on the bench, "Clarke, I didn't get to say that I'm sorry. I know how close you and your dad were and it must have been terrible loosing your best friend. I know how hard it is loosing a parent, and I don't know what was wrong with me when you told me earlier. I'm sorry I'm such a jack ass." Bellamy says looking down at her blue turned gold eyes as she watches the sunset with a kind smile.

"I want to start again." Clarke tells him looking up with the yellows and oranges of the setting sun burning in his eyes.

"Sure Princess." He smirks and takes her face in his hands and kisses her, every single problem that they've had released by the power of that single kiss. Their breaths become one, they become one.


	12. Day Of The Dead

It was the day of the dead, as I'd like to call it. My father and my best friend killed on the same day in the same way. Lab explosion, what a way to go. Out with a bang. Wells went back for my father only to get blown up in the process. And me, I just stood there. 

My mother didn't want anything to do with me after that, I was neglected. A 17 year old sent out on her own to find her own way in life. I managed to move in with a 19 year old I went to school with called Raven who lived by herself on sponsorship money from her estranged father. 

I finished the school year and then applied for college at the local college, also getting a side job at the hospital for night shifts on weekends, such as today.

It's been 4 years since their deaths and 4 years since I last saw my mother. I had been working the night shift and I sat in the local bar at 3:30 in the morning watching the news feed scroll around with nothing really catching my eye but the shot in my hand. 

I was about to down my forth shot when I felt someone slide up next to me. It was a guy with brown hair long enough to be tied into a man bun. I looked over at him and rolled my eyes as he turned to me, "So, what's a civilized person like you doing at a bar this early in the morning." I cringed inside. That was the best pick up line he could come up with, he must be really out of it. 

"I could as you the same question." I say downing the shot.

I am about to order another one when he says, "Next ones on me." My insides crawl at the sound of his voice but am pulled out of my thoughts when the door opens and in strides Bellamy. The guy I either want to punch or kiss, depending on my mood with him. Most of the time I want to punch him.

"Clarke, I'm not having you drink this early and no I don't care that you've had the night shift. What the hell is wrong with you, it's not a pity party for one. Especially today." He says his voice getting gentler through the lecture. 

Bellamy Blake, his sister is one of my best friends and when I moved in with Raven, he lived down the hall with their mother and Octavia would have me around for movies after school and we would chill and I would help her with her homework with Bellamy watching over us occasionally passing a comment in to help.

He knew everything because I told him and Octavia everything when I moved out of Ravens place and in with Octavia down the hall, who was also sharing with her brother.

Bellamy wasn't too happy with me at first because I came from a rich background also calling me 'Princess' on occasion but as soon as he found out he eased up around me but the nickname never subsided.

 

And here he was at 3:30 in the morning to take me home. I rolled my eyes at him and he gave me that 'don't you dare give me any shit' look. This was the Bellamy Blake I wanted to punch.

The long haired guy next to me saw me being really moody about the whole thing and decided to step in, stupidly enough. "What if the lady wants to stay?" Bellamy looked at the guy behind me and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, did you say something? Your insignificance must have deafened me for a second." Bellamy simply says picking up my bag and handing it to me before placing his hand on the small of my back.

"Who are you? Her father?" At that Bellamy flared up and pushed the guy back against the bar with his shirt clenched up in Bellamy's fist.

"Bell," I said softly which caused Bellamy to push the guy back and let him go.

"Don't you dare speak about her father or speak to her or even think about her again. Do you understand me?" Bellamy said through clenched teeth.

The guy nodded his head quickly and moved to the other side of the bar. "Bellamy you didn't have to do that." I say to him.

"A simple thank you would suffice Princess." He grumbles as he walks out of the bar, not looking to see if I've followed or not. And there that Bellamy was again, I simply just wanted to punch him.

As soon as I stepped out of the door way I said "You know what Bellamy, just go home. It's not like you actually care about me or what ever, that slime ball in there could rape me and you would not give two shits about it. You're only doing this because Octavia asked you to, and it's the same thing each time." 

He looks at me with a surprised look on his face and he crosses the yards between us, putting him a foot away from me. "Alright Clarke, you want to play that card. I did not get told by Octavia that you were here, I did not get told by Octavia that it was that day of the year where I would find you tucked away in a bar. I found out myself, and you want to know why? It's because I actually care about you, despite what you think Clarke.

"I care about you because you are possibly the smartest, most talented caring person I know and I know you care about Octavia like she's also your little sister, you've got such a kind heart but it's in the wrong place right now." He waves his hands around signifying the area I'm in.

"I'm sorry Bellamy." I say ducking my head down and cross my arms over my chest feeling the tears spring to my eyes. Bellamy knows it and closes the foot between us enveloping me in his arms. I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes as the first of the tears start to fall. 

"It's ok Princess" he tells me and kisses my head, "Let's get you home." He lets go of me and slings his arm around my shoulder using his thumb to wipe a stray tear off my cheek, then kisses my temple and smiles down at me leading me home.

This is the Bellamy Blake that I wanted to kiss.


	13. I Am Become Death

"You let all those people die" Octavia had said to me

"What you did tonight will haunt you until the end of your days." Lexa told me.

"What did you do?" the hateful voice of Jasper seeped into my mind.

"Tell me it wasn't you?" My own mother had asked me.

The only person that had shared the blame was the only person I cared about.

"I'm here for you." I had said to him.

"I need you." I told him. 

"I can't loose you." I laced my words with all my feeling I felt for him in hope that he would never leave me.

But then I left him. I walked away because my love for him is my weakness. 

Love is not weakness, if anything it's my strength. I love these people, but I have to be strong enough to leave them so that they don't have to bare the sins that I have committed. 

None offered to shared the weight, none but one.

"What we did, you don't have to do this alone." Was what he said to me. 

I am not alone as he is in my heart. But I need to hold the weight so he doesn't have to, so that he can have a clean soul for once in his life. So he can start over and find something else worth living for because all I am is black, I am a sin in the walking daylight and anything that touches me dies in the matter of moments of knowing them. 

My Father, Wells, Charlotte, Finn, Anya, Maya... The list is now endless. 

I am become death, destroyer of worlds.


	14. Deep Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her eyes are the window to her soul.

I sat back, once again re-reading the notes that I had been given by the academy. I had to give a criminal presentation tomorrow with a whole profile and report, but once again the thump and the noises came from the room next me. I rolled my eyes and attempted to read the sentence again when the throaty sighs, groans and names drifted through the walls.

I slammed down my notes and closed my laptop and just sat on my bed closing my eyes and thinking where I could go to finish the work. Octavia was out with Lincoln, Monty and Jasper. Miller and Murphy were out somewhere else trying to pick up girls and Wick and Raven were obviously occupied by the noises they were making.

The last person that came to my mind made me groan out loud and want to smash my laptop over my head. Clarke, that girl had a mouth on her and it was never a simple conversation with her, we always found something to wind each other up with and the fighting would only stop once someone intervened. We considered each other friends still and every time we saw each other it would be normal, but it would have cooled down by then.

We had a massive argument last night over the most ridiculous thing and I can’t even remember what we had started out shouting about because the whole topic changed and ended up about what type of breakfast Octavia eats in the morning or something stupid like that. I was still slightly infuriated by her and I knew that she still would give me the cold shoulder until next week.

But then again, we did have those few times when we have that connection that brings us together and I feel as if we can dominate the world. Which does mean that there were times when we have kissed, but were completely forgotten about the next time due to another argument. What Clarke and I have, you could call a mutual like/hate relationship.

I grumbled as Kyles name was moaned and picked up my stuff to leave, only to continue to grumble all the way down the corridor to Clarke’s apartment that she shared with my sister and Raven. I knew she would be home because I knew somehow that she had an early class in the morning. Sexiled was what I was.

I knocked on the door, stood in my trademark sweat pants and black shirt and waited for the annoyance of my life to answer the door. “Bellamy?” She said in a monotone voice flat out.

“Clarke, you are kind of my last resort so yeah…” I say and scratch my neck with my free hand.

She crosses her arms and leans on the door frame with slightly raised eyebrows. “Last resort for what Bellamy?” she says tiredly.

“Umm, Wick’s got Raven over and I’m sure I don’t need to explain the rest.” I tell her and she nods.

“And what do you want me to do about that?” She says looking up at me in anticipation with a glint of amusement in her eyes.

I drop my arm down from my neck and give her the ‘are you kidding me’ look but she still has raised eyebrows, I shake my head, “I’ve got to be at the station early, plus I have to finish this report and I don’t have a place to go that isn’t filled with sex noises so please may I come in. I know that we’ve had our diff…”

She steps back and turns and walks to the couch setting down with her laptop saying “Close the door behind you.”

I stand there slightly dumfounded that she let me in with minor problems. I walk in swinging the door closed behind me, to which she gives me an annoyed look at the noise that it makes. I roll my eyes and set down on her couch opening my laptop. We stay silent for a few seconds but she breaks the silence by saying, “Don’t you have another friend you could go to?” Yeah sure that should have hurt, but I can see her annoyance by me being there and I use it to my advantage.

“Nope all busy, but I’m sorry if I’m taking away your Princess privilege time.” I say smirking and turn my focus back to my work.

She huffs and flips over a sheet of paper and then puts a hand to her temple as if she’s got a headache. I watch her do all this as it’s so amusing to see her riled up and tense, which is basically all the time.

“Princess, you need to chill.” I tell her and watch as she looks up from her notes.

“I have a test tomorrow, of which I need to revise for.” She says and looks back down at her notes.

I move over to her and pick them out of her hands and scan them. She tries to grab them back but I pull back giving her a warning look and scan the notes again. “Ok, what is the treatment for someone if they have fluid in their lungs?” I ask her and she once again raises her eye brows but sets back on the couch, putting her feet up.

“Pleurodesis, you have first administer local anaesthetic, you put a cannula into the chest, usually through the side. The tip of the needle goes into the space where the fluid is collecting which is the pleural space. Once it is in the right place, you attach the needle to a drainage tube called a chest drain, which in turn is attached to a collecting bottle or bag. You put a stitch around the tube to hold it in place. This is called a purse string suture. The drainage bag has to be lower than the chest and once it is filled, you can then administer the sterile powder which seals the space between tissues by making them stick together.” She finishes off.

I had picked one of the highlighted parts of the text and she had basically memorised the whole thing. I looked at her impressed, “You missed out a part, about the fluid being slow to drain.”

She nods and gives me a small smile. “Do you want something to drink?” She asks getting up from the couch.

“Coffee please.” I ask typing in something for my report.

“Sugar and creamer?” She yells from the kitchen, and I swear this is the most civil we’ve ever been with each other. But I’m not surprised that it doesn’t last long.

“Nope only bitches have sugar and creamer.” I yell back smirking, knowing that she does.

She brings out my coffee with an unimpressed look on her face, but no retaliation to what I said. I smirk at her as she passes me my coffee. I take a sip and scrunch my face up at the sweetness of it and look over at Clarke trying suppress a smiles but is failing miserably. “Bitch.” She mutters and looks over at me and my grumpy face.

“I hate you sometimes.” I say monotone.

“Sometimes?” She says with a hint of amusement in her voice, “It seems like you constantly hate me, all I ever get is shit from you.” She says and looks and me and raises her head, bracing herself for the argument that starts.

“I’m sorry? The shit you get from me, who was the one that put 10 spoonful’s of sugar in my coffee.

“Who’s the one that provoked that?” She says standing up.

“Well how the hell was I supposed to know that you liked sugar and was going to take my comment so seriously?” I lie knowing full well she does have sugar and I stand up letting the papers on my lap fall off so that I am taller than her, hoping to intimidate her. Instead she doesn’t back down but stands up straighter meeting my glare with one of her own.

“I did not take your comment seriously, you’re the one that can’t take a damn joke. I don’t even know why I bothered letting you in, for all I care you can fail listening to Raven and Wick go at it.” She raises her voice slightly stepping towards me so we are only a foot apart.

“Go to hell.” I say lightly which causes her to explode and in that moment I just wanted to kiss her, but I assume that it’s just because we were in close proximity to each other and her eyes managed to capture my attention that I just zoned out what she was yelling at me. I watched her, the deep blue that just pulled me further into her zone that I just wasn’t up for arguing with her anymore.

I broke away moving towards my stuff, and she puts her hand to her head as the headache I assume she had just got worse. “I’m sorry.” I whisper slightly and look over to her as she ducks her head down calming her breathing.

I pick up my stuff muttering that I should have never come to hers in the first place as I knew it was going to end badly. I had only been here for about half an hour and we had managed to blow an electric storm in her living room.

I started towards the door and I only slightly hear my name when I reach it, “Bellamy?” I turn with my possessions in hand to look at Clarke with a slight frown on her face, “I’m sorry as well, I’ve just had a really long day and fighting with you is the only way that I can blow off steam. You can stay.” She pauses and has tears starting gloss over her eyes. “Please stay.” She says and I can see that she needs someone there with her because it wasn’t just the work that got to her, it was something else and she needed me to be there for her.

I set my stuff down on the couch and pull her into a hug, it’s not like the times before when we kissed, it’s not desperate and needy, it’s calming. “What happened Clarke?” I question and she moves away from me, wiping the tears from under her eyes.

“I lost my first patient today.” She tells me and new wave of tears wash over her. I take her elbow, ignoring the shock from the information that I’ve just received and sit her down next to me on the couch, placing my stuff on her table. “And it was my fault, I couldn’t save him and I should have.” She buries her head in her hands and starts sobbing. I put my arm around her and bring her close to me.

I kiss her forehead and then her cheek, saying quietly “We can’t save everyone Clarke, we don’t get to choose who lives and dies.” into her ear.

She turns at that moment and looks at me, with those lost, desperate deep blue eyes that captured my attention the first time we argued about having Octavia sleeping over at Clarke's. Sadness and loss filled in those eyes and all I want to do is just make her happy.

She leans towards me, and kisses the side of my mouth and then she kisses me. I respond almost immediately kissing her back, trying to transfer my feelings to her. She breaks away smiling, and I know that I've done something right today. She curls into my chest with her head resting on my shoulder and puts a movie on, I kiss her forehead, her cheek, her jaw and then then her lips and smile down at her, something has changed in the air between us. It's still electric, but it's a new type of electricity that has never been formed between us before, and it’s something I like.


	15. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All those unsent letters will find their way some day...

_Clarke,_

_I never really believed in soulmates, or that kind of crap but the way that Lincoln explained the concept, it brought new insight in the way that I thought about it._

_He first said that a soulmate is that one person that knows you better than anyone else. Clarke when you first met me, you read me like an open book. To everyone else, I was this closed off self-centred guy who just wanted to cause chaos. But you knew what I did was for Octavia, you knew my protective instincts. You knew me._

_The next thing was someone that makes you a better person. Hell, without you, I’d probably be a total jackass. I have changed, I have become kinder and more accepting towards affection. I started to listen to your opinion, and stopped being so arrogant. You made me the leader I am today._

_Lincoln then told me that they are the person who knew you and accepted you before anyone else did. You accepted me, you told me that ‘we make the rules.’ Not you, both of us and you accepted and understood what happened with Jaha, also stopping me from running away from my problems to tell me that you needed me, even after everything you heard._

_Finally the last thing that Lincoln said hit me because I knew it was true. No matter what happens, you’ll always love them and nothing will ever change that. Clarke from the moment that you told me you needed me, was the moment when I fell in love with you. I didn’t know it at the time, but the feeling just grew, and when you screamed my name before the dropship door closed, I thought I was going to lose you and that’s when I fully realised that I did actually love you._

_When you ran into my arms at Camp Jaha, I felt like it was a dream. I held you so tight, hoping I would never lose you again. I felt at home. You fought like a fearless warrior and, I’m not going to lie that it did hurt when you sent me into Mount Weather, knowing the risk of me dying. But hearing your voice, saying my name over the radio brought back the spark I had tried so hard to smother, knowing I could never be with you._

_Seeing you in the caves, I glanced over at you. Watching Octavia and I intently with a guilt ridden look on your face. You had nothing to be guilty about, we survived. I missed you Clarke, I wanted nothing more than to just hold you and keep you as close to me as possible. But I knew the look in your eyes, the one that said ‘stay away from me, otherwise I’ll break.’ So I kept my distance, I just wished I could have held you together, put the broken pieces back but it seems like some of them were stolen and now you’re left with a hole in your heart._

_I could’ve filled that hole, because I love you and you needed someone to look over you. I could have done that, but instead you left me. Stealing my piece of my heart and taking it away with you to the great unknown of the Earth._

_Clarke I want you to come back, so we can share that piece of my heart. Please Clarke, I need you. I can’t lose you._

_B_

 

“Bell, what are you doing?” Octavia says as she opens the flap of my tent. I quickly shove the piece of paper I had written on under the pile of clothes on my bed and lie back as casually as possible. But Octavia knows me, and she knows the pain on my face. “You miss her?” She asks.

“I can’t help it. She was different, she changed me.” I tell her looking at her from my position on the bed.

“I hate to say it, even after all she did but she was good for you Bell.” Octavia tells me and I give her a sad smile. “But she did send you to your death, and allowed a whole grounder village to be wiped out. But then again, I blame that on the second grounder bitch, she put bad thoughts into Clarke head, and Clarke fell for them.”

“I hope she’s alright.” I absently say.

“She’s Clarke, she’ll be more than fine.” Octavia tells me, but I don’t want her to tell me that. I want her to tell me that Clarke needs me, that we need to go and bring her home. “I’m sure she’ll come home soon Bell.” She tells me and squeezes my hand before walking out.

I hope she’ll be home soon, because I might just find myself wondering aimlessly through the forest, shouting her name, with a hope that she’ll find me and come home.


	16. Shut Up and Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of 'Crazy, Stupid, Love' in there.

It was one of those Friday nights where I was once again forced out to our local nightclub by my party loving friends. Miller and Murphy were intent on getting me smashed and getting me laid. I apparently was losing my game, which is of course impossible.

I settled at the bar with both boys either side of me, on my second shot. Miller pointed out one girl with brown hair and a striking face. She was honestly stunning and both boys knew I was the only one that could pull her, but sat to her right was a blonde staring her glass down. She checked her phone once and the looked up at the bright bar lights sighing in frustration. Murphy also had noticed her and was starting to talk about her, saying “She looks like a bit of a challenge.” I stood up from my chair and thought to myself, ‘I’m up for a bit of a challenge tonight.’

“Wish me luck.” I say taking my third shot and duck into the flow of the people to make my way to the other side of the room where the blonde sat. I could see the boys shocked faces as they thought I was going to go for the brunette.

I came up beside the blonde and took a glance at her. She didn’t look too happy, which did mean that getting to talk to her in the first place would be a challenge. “You alright there?” I said, looking at her, starting with simple conversation.

She looked at me and rolled her eyes, “I’m fine,” She says quickly, then once again checks her phone.

“Something tells me you actually aren’t.” I say and turn my body towards her.

“And what make you think that it’s your business?” She says narrowing her eyes and turning to face me.

“Right, sorry that I was concerned about how you were actually feeling.” I say feeling defensive all of a sudden.

She looked down and then looked back up to the bright lights, shutting her eyes and breathing a sigh. She then looked back at me, “Sorry, it hasn’t been a great day, but I doubt you’d want to hear me mope when there is a perfectly good looking girl on the other side of you to get with, so good luck with that.” She tells me raising her glass and then taking a sip, placing the glass down and then picking up the coaster.

I look at the girl on the other side of me who was giving the blonde glaring looks and then back at the challenge, “I’m not going anywhere Princess.” I say, leaning back against the bar. “My names Bellamy.” I say and stick out my hand.

She looks at me and slightly glares at the hand. “Clarke,” she says finally taking it.

“So Clarke, why so down?” I ask her, waiting for the ‘I’ve been turned down’.

“I was meeting my best friend but she’s obviously busy doing something or someone else.” She tells me. “My best friend isn’t very good at keeping promises, let say and got held up with her boyfriend. Leaving me on ‘girl’s night’ yet again. So no, prior to what you were actually thinking, I was not turned down.”

I look at her smiling and shaking my head, she’s got a sharp mind. “You need to loosen up Princess.” I tell her and she once again glares at me but more playfully, she looks cute when she glares. Just at that moment, the song ‘Shut Up and Dance’ comes on I look over at the bar tender and signal for him to come over, “You and I are going to go dance.” I tell her as the bar tender signals for us to wait a minute.

“I don’t want to dance.” She says but is smiling because she does, but she wants to be stubborn. I stick out my hand and she rolls her eye but still smiling. She finally grabs it and follows me.

 I point to her stuff when the bar tender comes over and nods. She looks back but I take her elbow leaning down to say “Listen to the song, Princes” as ‘Don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me’ was blared through the speakers.

“Just shut up and dance with me.” She said back and I laughed as we both started to dance. I found that she was great fun, and I bet she would have had more character than the brunette still glaring at us.

Little did I know that by the end of the night we would have gone back to my place and done nothing but talk all night, I would have told her all about my life which I never thought I would ever have done with any girl. She would end up staying at my place for the weekend, and I would have been the one to call her to go on a date. Who knew that this girl would have been my destiny? 


	17. The 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone of The 100 that's left misses Clarke, but Bellamy especially.

The 46, that's all we had left. Well I say 46, but I don't know where Clarke stands.

Three months was coming up. Three months of learning how to lead by myself. Three months of thinking 'What Would Clarke Do?' in times I haven't known what to do. Three months of wondering if she's ever going to come back. Three months of wondering the worst, if she's actually survived or not. 

I just wonder if Clarke being alone out there is going to kill her. There are so many times where I've picked up my emergency backpack and headed out into the forest in search of her. I hope she's safe, that way there's always going to be one less thing I need to worry about.

I had to try and lead by myself, I didn't know how to do that with order. Of course I had people there to help me, but most of the time they only got frustrated with me. I only knew chaos. Clarke was the order. She would have known what to do.

It took some time but then I started asking myself, 'What Would Clarke Do?' That thought has gotten me though these tough months. But thinking about her each day, reminded me she was still out there potentially by herself, with no one.

I will never stop wondering where she is, I will never stop hoping for her to come back. She will come back, because she has to. I need her to come back. I may resent her for leaving, but my need for her to come back is much greater. Because one day, there is going to be a time where I won't be able to make a decision without her, and I will need her there to support me.

Some days Raven and I sit and drink to Clarke, Monty occasionally joins us but most of the time we just drown out our sorrows with moonshine and hope for the best. We remember who she was before this all started. I keep our day trip to myself because that is my special memory of her. That was the day she changed me, and made me the leader worthy of these 44 kids who look up to me.

The 44 miss her, I get someone asking me if she's come back or has been found, every day to report back to the group. They all have a look of sorrow when the messenger reports back. They give me looks of sympathy, knowing I do feel much worse than they do.

These kids need her, I need her. I wish that I could have told her that. Maybe she would have stayed if I told her how I felt. I know she wouldn't feel the same way, with Finn only recently lost. But I would wait for the day when she is okay with being with someone else. I am still waiting.

In these months, I've been approached by so many girls, wanting me. Previously I would have accepted their offers graciously, but not anymore because I know that Clarke wouldn't approve. I realize that I care for Clarke a whole lot more than I should. She's the first girl besides Octavia that I trusted to let in and to see the real me. She knows me. She trusts me. I'm not willing to lose the first person I've ever done that with.

I am willing to do everything to be able to get her back home to us. That is how I realised it was Gustas that night that tried to start another war. He would've done anything for Lexa, just like I would do for Clarke. I saw a mirror of myself in him and that's how I knew it was him. That is why a group of guards including myself go out and look for her once a day, calling it a routine area surveillance. 

I look beyond the fence into the dense treeline. She was out there somewhere, and I needed to find her. I strapped my gun across my shoulder for the daily surveillance. 'Maybe today would be the day I would find her.' I tell myself the same thing I tell myself each day I get prepared to go out and face the worst.

We are the 46, Clarke is part of the 46 and we don't leave our family behind.


	18. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When all your friends are being annoying so you go on a road trip with the person that always annoys you but somehow is the only person not annoying you at the time.

This week was different, it was like the whole world was against me. Raven was pissing me off, she wouldn’t stop leaving things around the house, her and Wick were having more sex than usual and was loud which meant I was more tired than usual.

Then Octavia was annoying me, constantly asking me about wedding stuff, and Lincoln hasn’t even proposed yet. She constantly was wanting to go shopping for stuff as well, which put me in even more of a worse mood.

Monty and Jasper weren’t around as they were hanging out with their respective partners. But I’m assuming with the pissy mood I was in, I was also going to find them childish and annoying. And Murphy, I’d probably want to kill on the spot

The sex, wedding talk and annoyingness all brought me to the person you’d probably least expects door. I knocked on Bellamy’s door at 3 in morning, sleep deprived from Raven and Wicks marathon in the room next to mine. Bellamy open the door with a tired annoyed look on his face, much like mine probably. I didn’t even allow him to speak as I walked in and grabbed pillows and blankets from the cupboard to set down on his couch.

I hear the door close and footsteps. “Take my bed.” He tells me closing the cupboard and taking the pillows and stuff from me.

“You sure?” I question not wanting to create an argument.

“Yeah, I fell asleep on the couch anyways.” He says and walks to the living room while I make my way over to his bedroom and climb into his bed embracing the smell of him, which I’ve always secretly loved.

I fall asleep almost immediately and wake up to the smell of brewing coffee and Bellamy. The light streams in through the slightly open curtains and I take in his room. Neat and so…. Bellamy.

 Get up and make my way into the kitchen where he stands stirring a coffee. Passing me the cup I take a seat at his island. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“No problem. Let me guess, Raven and Wick going at it.” He says and I smile over the rim of the cup. “Yeah, I’ve had the same thing, you’re not alone.”

“Maybe she’ll get accidentally pregnant and they’ll stop.” I say dryly and he laughs.

“Just by any chance has Octavia been showering you with questions about weddings and stuff?” He then asks me.

“You too. I thought I was the only one. I understand that she’s your sister, but you can only ask so much before it gets annoying, and the shopping is too much.” I tell him and he chuckles.

“I just need a getaway week from these guys. I mean I love them to death, but I can only take so much.”  He says taking a sip of his coffee.

“Let’s do it.” I say surprising myself and him. Bellamy Blake and I agree on things. This must be the most civil conversation we have ever had.

“Ok. Let’s do it. You pack a bag for a week, meet back here at two and we go on a road trip.” He says setting down his coffee and looking at me.

I don’t believe that I next say “Ok.” And leave to only be at his door two hours later with a fully packed bag. I walk in, knowing the door is not locked and see him walking out of room with his bag in hand.

“Are we seriously doing this?” I laugh and question.

“Yes,” he says bluntly and hands me his phone which has an open call from Octavia. I can only hear her talking and I hear the words white and bouquet. She continues on as Bellamy takes my bag and dumps in the back of his truck.

He then takes his phone and says a quick bye to Octavia and puts the phone down on her as she still talks. I turn off my phone, as does he and we get in the car. I honestly haven’t processed the fact Bellamy and I are literally running away from our problems, so I’m just going with it.

“Where to?” He asks.

“Let’s drive the I10, to LA. Then we drive up the coast to Santa Barbara.” I tell him.

“That sounds like a plan. Nine hours on the road, you ready?” He says starting the car as I put my seatbelt on still ignoring how crazy our plan is.

We drive for four hours, watching the desert scenery pass us by. Bellamy and I make small talk, mostly listening to his road trip playlist. At six we stop in a dodgy motel, surprisingly full for side of the road accommodation. Bellamy goes in and books us a room, of which we have to share due to there not being enough rooms and our limited money supply.

The room has a double creaky bed with springs waiting to burst from the mattress. “Not my first choice, but it’ll have to do.” He says dumping his bag onto the bed which whines from the weight of the bag.

I laugh and set my bag down on the floor and check at the state of the bathroom, which is not any much better. There is mold in corners and tiles coming off the floor. “Just saying, I don’t do heads and tails, I don’t want your feet in my face.” I yell from the bathroom

“What Princess? Aren’t my feet good enough for you?” He says and I practically envision the smirk on his face. “Top and tailing is for five year olds anyways. We can cuddle, you know you want to.” He says coming into the bathroom with his stupid sexy smirk setting some of his stuff down on the counter.

“You’re insufferable.” I say and duck my head down smiling for some reason.

He looks at the mirror and sees the smile coming up behind me and pressing his chest to my back, putting his hands on waist. “Am I really?” I feel a buzz at his touch, and relax into him. Bellamy has always been flirty, flirting doesn’t count as agreeing with each other. We have had moments like this where we just played around, and as stupid as it sounds, he was the most comfortable I have ever felt with a guy, even when I was going out with someone.

I lift my chin up and look at him in the mirror, seeing how good of a couple we could actually be. I never really thought of Bellamy as someone I could date. I always saw him as Octavia’s brother who I flirted with on occasion, I never thought anything could happen. But as I stand here now with him, I can.

I turn and face him, centimeters apart. I feel his warm breath on my face and I place my hands on his chest and tilt my head up. He ducks his head lower and presses his lips to mine, I automatically move mine in sync with him. He lifts me up onto the counter and I open my legs for him to move closer to me.

Never have we ever done this and never has it ever felt so right. He breaks the kiss too soon and looks at me surprised. “Never thought that would happen…” He drifts off.

“Well I guess it did. What does it mean though?” I say and move out from between him and the sink, standing in the door way. He looks at me and stays quiet, not knowing what to say.

I knew he wasn’t going to have anything to say because I knew he was probably more confused about it than I. From the stressed look on his face, I can just imagine his thoughts, ‘Wait, what? I kissed Clarke.’ ‘Clarke kissed back.’ ‘Do I actually like her?’ ‘Why did I do that?’ ‘She’s going to hate me.’ ‘Wait is the trip canceled? I want a trip.’ ‘Clarke. Shit.’ Then he looks at me and I chuckle, starting to unpack my bag.

“What?” He asks as I laugh and I see a nervous smile break out.

“I can see you stressing. Just chill, its fine.” I say and turn pull out some clothes. “We’ll head out early tomorrow, I think there is a diner just down the street, we can go and get dinner there. Ok?”

I look over my shoulder at him and he looks slightly disheartened. “Fine.” He huffs and then takes his bag off the bed to take his stuff out.

The dinner is slow and Bellamy isn’t talking much. I look over at him worried, wondering what’s going through his mind. Why he would be worried about the kiss, I try not to think it means anything to me, no matter how good it was or how right it felt. But him overthinking it is very un-Bellamy like.

He eats in silence and then watches me as I finish my food. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes suddenly.

“Why are you apologizing?” I question him.

“Because I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t want to say it was a mistake, but I shouldn’t have done it.” He says.

“Bellamy, its fine. For what it’s worth, it was a really good kiss.” I say jokingly but he doesn’t laugh. “Why are you stressing about it? It’s not like it’s going to lead anywhere.” I say and regret it because I want something to happen, I want it to lead somewhere.

He sighs and closes his eyes to only open them and look at me with a hard glare. He then gets up and walks out of the diner and to the car. The five minute drive is slow. The sleep is awkward and the car ride to Santa Barbara in the morning is quiet.

He’s mad at me and I don’t know why. It’s not like the times we rile each other up for the hell of it. He is actually mad or upset about what I had said last night and I don’t know why he should be. He’s Bellamy Blake who sleeps around and doesn’t do relationships, if anything I did him a favor by making it less awkward.

We arrive at a beach hotel in Santa Barbara and his mood has improved. He talked to me in the car a bit and brought me some food when we stopped at a gas station. We get a single chalet with a double bed. We are the only ones at the hotel and the beach is empty. The sun is close to setting and I am immediately drawn to the stunning colours that are reflected onto the water.

I dump my stuff inside our little house and immediately walk out to the sea. Bellamy follows soon after and sits next to me in the sand. “I’m sorry about today. It’s just that when you asked me what the kiss meant, I panicked and you just passed it off as casual, which I didn’t want. I don’t really do relationships, but something about you just… I don’t know, there’s just something about you that makes me think I can do it.” I smile

“With anyone is particular?” I say teasingly looking out to the setting sun.

He looks across at me and in a matter of seconds I find myself lying on back looking up at the face of Bellamy. His freckles, illuminated by the colours of the sky. “You.” He says and kisses me.

The rest of the runaway is filled with sun, beaches and kisses. We would have to face our friend’s wrath when we got back, but until then we would have each other.


	19. What does it mean when...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it mean when...?
> 
> You trust him
> 
> You have faith in him
> 
> You need him
> 
> You can't lose him
> 
> You care about him
> 
> And you protect him?
> 
> You love him.

I lay looking up at the stars, thinking of none other than Bellamy Blake. Why Bellamy you ask? Well because he was the one there for me when I needed someone the most. When everyone had deserted me, he supported me.

I killed all those people, yet he didn't see the monster in me. He saw the little bit of good I apparently had left. I think back to when everyone though he was the monster, when Finn accused me of trusting Bellamy. He had said 'You can't be serious', in a disbelieving tone, like it was the worst thing in the world. But if I never trusted Bellamy, I would be dead.

The trust meant I had faith in him to do the right thing, and I remember when Lexa doubted that he would be able to complete his task in Mount Weather. I knew and hoped he could do it. I had faith in him to do it. When Lexa told me I was right to have faith in him, I never doubted I would lose that faith. I still have faith that he is able to keep the camp running and keep everyone safe and alive.

I think about all the other things I've said about Bellamy and one thing I kept saying was 'I need you.' I would then correct myself insinuating the whole group needed him. But in reality, it was me that really needed him. Sitting next to him after the hallucinations, I told him I needed him. To this day, I feel as if I need him. But I can't, not after what I've done.

What if he did die? The thought actually crushes me inside and just thinking of it makes me want to cry. My heart tears apart just imagining finding out his death. I swipe away at the rolling tear down my cheek, thinking how stupid I am to be thinking like that. The honest truth is that I can't lose him. Even being far away from, I wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that he would be gone.

I care about Bellamy. I never really thought to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else. But I do care about him. I think Lexa made me subconsciously realize that I did when she pointed out that I worry about him more than others. Yes, maybe it was the fact that I put his life on the line and that if he died in there it would've been my fault. Just that thought makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.

Some days I think I made a mistake by running away, but then I think it was probably for the better. Bellamy would be safer and wouldn't have to fight the battles with me. He would be out of harms way and live a full and happy life.

Some times my mind wonders to what could've been between us. I know that there is some form of feeling towards him. But I don't know if it's love. If I stayed, would we have found consolation for our actions in each other? If we meet again, would something be able to happen?

I guess I would have to wait till that day came. But until then, I could just keep dreaming of when we meet again and the adventures to come.

 


	20. I'm Slipping into the Deep End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hard day can lead to so much more than harmless flirting.

It had been a rough day; reminders of the people I had lost and ex boyfriends due to annoying mothers. I was working my usual shift at the bar when the familiar face of my friend’s brother who was basically my best friend/flirt buddy or whatever the hell you call a person you harmlessly flirt with... He sat down straight across from where I was cleaning the glasses. I rolled my eyes with a soft smile at him noticing a particular bruised chin and twinge when he moved to sit. I scouted the bar for any hot girls that he would prey upon tonight. Seeing one girl in particular, I approached him.

“Three over, talking to the tall blonde. She’s a brunette, blue eyes, pretty. She’ll take a gin and tonic.” I tell him and he looks up at me surprised.

“Who’s to say I didn’t come here to see you Princess?” He then says, leaning over the bar a bit to get closer to talk to me.

Bellamy Blake and I always had a flirtatious banter between us. He was like a comfort food when I all I needed was to relax. I smirk at him and look at the brunette who then had his attention. “Blake, you may want to get your ass away from me and over to that girl before she either slaps me, or leaves.” I tell him and he looks across at the girl subtly.

“Nah, I told you. I’m not here for ‘that’ tonight. I’m here to see you.” He tells me and winks.

“What do you want? My shift ends in half an hour.” I tell him, bored with the game he’s playing at.

“Dinner, me and you.” He tells me. My jaw feels like it should drop, but I maintain my composure looking at the newly ludicrous man in front of me. He gives me a challenging look; the ones he knows I won’t back down from.

However, I do challenge him back. “Since when does Bellamy Blake take girls out to dinner?”

“Since he has a bet with his sister that he can’t back out from.” He answers bluntly and I laugh sharply.

“What was the bet?” I ask now getting pissed that I’m being used as a betting chip between siblings.

“I bet that you would not be able to deny a date from me, Octavia said you’d most definitely say no.” He tells me, watching my reaction cautiously.

I looked at his reaction carefully. Not saying yes or no. My half an hour was coming to a close and I turned ignoring Bellamy’s hopeful eyes.

I went to the back room and collected my things, I had 20 minutes left and the next shift was already there so I checked out early and went back out to the bar to where Bellamy stood looking for me.

“Let's go to my place, order pizza and watch a Blindspot. It’s not a date, you get to chill with me but at the same time I’m not saying no and then you can also explain to me what fight you got into.” I say complying with both siblings bet to ensure that neither of them would lose or win anything.

In all honesty, I would’ve taken the date with Bellamy. As much he was the woman’s man when I first met him, he stopped doing that and grew up a bit more in recent months. I like his personality now and he’s really grown on me and there were times when I needed sometime at home alone or with someone like Bellamy. And I needed that right about now with the day that I had.

His eyes went dark for a second when I mentioned the fight and then he gave me a knowing concerned look for the reasons of wanting to spend time with him. I took his arm that he offered out to me and gave him and assured smile for now. I looked over my shoulder to see the brunette scowling over a guy’s shoulder that was talking to her. I gave her a small wave and she stuck her middle finger up at me.

I laughed and Bellamy gave me a confused look. I just kissed his cheek playfully and pulled him along in his increased state of confusion at my display of affection.

“By chance are the bartenders allowed to drink on duty and if so how much have you had?” He jokes once we’re out of the crowded bar.

“No and none… Well maybe one shot of tequila. I was just trying to have a little fun with a secret admirer of yours, to piss her off.” I say and pull him to where I had parked my car absorbing his rich laugh. We get in the car and I hand him my phone, “Put the pizza order in now so it's there when we arrive. I’m starving.” I say and put the car into gear. He unlocks my phone with no problem, one of the few people I trust with my password.

\-----

We arrive and head upstairs, just heading into the living room when there’s a knock at the door signifying the pizza is here. I set up the TV and he goes to pay for the pizza. I change into some comfort clothes, putting my hair into a messy bun. Bellamy stands in the kitchen, rifling through my cupboards to find the plates. I grab a piece out of the box and then take a plate from him.

We head into the living room and I curl up into him. Casually, as if we had done it many times before. We only ended up like this, in each other's presence only when we were feeling vulnerable about something or had just had enough of people for a while. I was getting to the short stage where people in our friendship group were annoying me ever so slightly and a fight with my mom that I just wanted some space or time with Bellamy. Both options are the same to me, as it is to him.

I think he could tell by the way I kept mostly quiet the whole show, munching away at my pieces of pizza. He would make occasional comments and I would laugh half heartedly at his weak jokes. However, it still made me feel safe and warm inside being here in this moment with him. I couldn’t blame my feelings on the small intake of alcohol that I had, because that barley had me buzzing.

Instead I just nuzzled in further to him and felt him hold onto me tighter as if understanding all my problems in life. He would be the one that would understand most about me. We were similar in so much, yet so different.

“Are you ok?” He finally asked me in a break between the second and third episode.

“I’m dealing with it.” I tell him, not lying and saying that I’m ok but not breaking down into full tears like nights where I have before.

“Mom?” He guessed.

“Yup, what made you guess? Once again, it brought up the past of Wells, Finn, dad…” I say softly and moving to put myself off Bellamy to go put the plates in the kitchen. Instead he pulls me back down into him and he holds onto me.

I don’t try struggle out of his grasp, I say in his arms perfectly content. He sighs and I stroke look up and stroke at the bruise on his chin. “What happened?” I ask him changing the subject.

“We had a run away perp and he really didn’t want to get caught. Got a mean right hook, but I got the better of him.” He tells me and smiles fondly down at me.

“Did you get yourself checked out?” I asked him, concerned.

“I have you for that don’t I?” He joked but with the sudden angry look on my face, quickly corrected himself. “Yeah I did, don’t worry.”

“But I do worry about you.” I say absently out aloud.

He looks down at me with an intensity that I rarely see in him. I know I notice the barest amount of space between us, and I know he does too. I feel the temperature of the room heat up and everything but us disappear.

I feel an explosion of nervousness in my chest as I realize how much I care for the man in front of me. It is a feeling that I had only ever experienced slightly with Finn. But with Bellamy, it feels way more amplified.

“Bellamy-” I start to say but he closes the small gap between us and presses his lips to mine, breathing a breath of fresh air into my lungs leaving me feeling as if a wave of freshly oxygenated blood had passed through each cell in my body, making me feel completely renewed from all of the past worries.

Our lips moved in perfect synchronization and our hearts beat the same rhythmic beat. This was the way I felt I lived the rest of my life with the man I loved.


	21. Taste of Your Own Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See how I feel.

It was one of those college house parties. He came up behind her and hugged her. She immediately knew it was him, with his solid chest pressed against her back and tanned muscular arms snaking around her waist. The bastard was doing it again. ‘Watch, he’ll be off with Echo in five minutes.’ she thought to herself.

Still she reciprocated by holding onto his arm and craning her neck to smile up at him despite her thoughts. He gave her the same gentle smile he always did when he did this. The one he never gave to any of the other girls, the one he saved just for her.

“Do you want a drink, Princess?” He mumbled into her neck, too close to her skin to make her think clearly.

“I’m good for now.” She tells him and caresses his cheek. It was always like this between them. Bellamy would flirt with her, but then he’d go off and flirt with other girls right in front of her. She knew that it was only just flirting between them and it wasn’t going anywhere, but sometimes it did pull at an internal string and pissed her off.

But she never learnt, the angry feeling would dissipate as soon as gave her a look that just made her forgive him for being an idiot. And the cycle would start all over again. 

It never went any further than flirting with her or any of the other girls, he would be a lot closer to her than he would to them and the amount of bitchy looks she got from it was unreal. But still, who knew what or who he did when she wasn’t around, but she knew he had enough respect for her to not get with anyone in front of her and she him.

Tonight was going to be different because as soon as he detached from her and moved to go dance extremely close to Echo, Clarke made up her mind to give him a taste of his own medicine. This would mean she gets to get with a guy and gets Bellamy pissed off, or she gets with a guy and doesn’t leave Bellamy pissed off. Either way, it was a win-win situation but one just had an added perk. 

She spied a hot brown haired, blue eyed, athletic guy on the other side of the room, talking to another guy with very animated actions. 'Probably about football.’ Clarke thought. Not as good looking as Bellamy, but he looks nice.

Bellamy soon came over to her as she was watching the guy to make sure she didn’t lose him in the mass of people dancing. “I’m going to get with someone tonight.” She states, surprising Bellamy. “Actually, I’m going to get with him.” She says pointing the guy out. Before he can say anything, she walks away from him to the guy not bothering to look at the expression on Bellamy’s face. 

As it turns out, James (the hot guy) was a complete idiot, Clarke would be surprised if he barley knew how to count to ten. Probably couldn’t do his ABC’s. Bellamy could at least do that. But still, she was still going to stick to her aim of pissing Bellamy off and by the scowl he was sporting, it was working. 

That was when she decided to take it just that bit further. She got closer to him and whispered little things in his ear. Soon he had his hand on her neck and lips on her lips. Then suddenly she felt a cold substance dribbling all the way down her chest. It was more all over James but she still didn’t appreciate whoever ruined her shirt with beer.

When she looked up, she saw the innocent mischievous eyes of Bellamy Blake looking down at her. He really pissed her off and no hug was going to fix this one. It at least gave her some satisfaction that he wanted to stop her and James from kissing. 

James was suddenly up and swinging his fist towards Bellamy’s face. Bellamy’s name escaped Clarke’s lips as she pulled James back from taking a second swing. She looked at Bellamy with a warning look in her eyes as if telling him not to do anything stupid. 

Bellamy didn’t take the advice and ripped forward from the people holding him back and decked James and pushed him to the ground. Clarke heard the words, “Don’t... touch... again.” James’ eyes briefly locked with hers and then pushed Bellamy off him, stumbling back into the crowd.

Clarke rushed down next to Bellamy and helped sit him up. She gripped his face and took at look at his eye. “Come on, idiot.” She pulled him up and out of the house to her car.

“You good to drive?” He questions her quietly.

“Better than you.” She answers curtly.

The drive is silent to her apartment and the mood is unsettling. They were going to have to talk about what happened sooner or later.

As soon as she gets in she digs in the freezer for the peas and hands it to him. She glares at him for a second, taking in the guilty look. “What the hell were you thinking? What was the point of spilling your drink in the first place and why did you punch him back? Like seriously Bellamy, do you actually have any brain cells? I swear Jasper is smarter than you, and that is not something you should be proud of.” She goes off at him. “All I want to know is what was going through your head when you did that...” She is about to continue when he mumbles something that she doesn’t hear.

“What did you just say?” She questions sharply waiting for some snide comment.

“I was jealous, Clarke.” He tells her looking at her, “There I said it, are you happy?”

She honestly wasn’t, she was sad that this is how they both made each other feel. “I guess you got a taste of your own medicine. Now you get how I feel when you constantly do that to me.” She tells him simply and puts the kettle on. “Tea or coffee?” She questions him nonchalantly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that I made you fee like that. It feels like shit.” He tells her honestly looking up at her with tired eyes from where he was sitting on the counter.

“Yeah. It does…” She says slowly watching him, still with a hurt feeling in her chest reminding herself of how it feels whenever he did that to her. But now he sits in her kitchen after doing something drastically stupid. For her, none the less. “You’re crashing here so I can make sure you aren’t concussed or anything. Your sister would kill me if you died.” She states tiredly as the kettle finally ‘pings’ signifying the water is boiled.

He doesn’t argue so she questions him again, “Tea of coffee?”

“Tea.” He says and winches with the movement.

“Why did you do it, if you know that it hurts me and all the other girls you do it?” She questions him finally after a pause.

“Clarke, I’m not going to give you a shitty excuse but it was to push you away when I felt like I was too close to getting feelings. I always thought you never liked me in that way because I wasn’t privileged or had some fancy ass science degree like the rest of your friends.” 

“I feel like you’re just feeding me bullshit. Two things; one, I’m not privileged, I’m in massive student debt, and two, they aren’t my friends, they’re just people I go to college with.” She tells him bluntly and that makes him snap.

“Clarke, I would not have gone to such drastic measures to try to get you to stop kissing a guy tonight if I didn’t have feelings for you. I don’t do well with relationships, you know me. You’re too good for me and you know it.” He yells at her getting off the counter, moving closer to her and she knows he’s being honest.

“I’m not good, everything that comes close to me gets ruined.” She says almost too quiet for him to hear.

“Clarke, that’s not true…” He tells her and reaches out to brush a strand of hair from her face.

“My dad died, Wells died, Finn died, Raven, Lexa, my mom. I let them down, I’ve let everyone down. I’m not good Bellamy.” She says with a prick of tears in her eyes, and his stupidly sympathetic face wasn’t helping.

“You haven’t let everyone down Clarke.” He tells her softly stroking her cheek softly with his thumb.

“Yeah, name one person I haven’t?” She retorts with a breaking voice, moving back from him.

“Me?” He offers.

“What about tonight?” She says quietly leaving the silence to set between them.

“You were teaching me a lesson where I learnt a lot more than you intended to teach me. I learnt that I am a massive dick,” he pauses and sees a small smile break out “and I also learnt that I like you a lot more than I should.” He tells her and holds out his hand.

She’s hesitant to take it and he understands why, “I promise you, no more pushing away, no more flirting with other people. We can start again, just you and I.” He tells her with confidence and for some reason she believes him and slowly takes his hand allowing him to pull her closer.

“Just you and I” She says before she kisses him, standing on her tip toes to reach him. For them, this moment is bliss. It is perfection. It is the slow start before their life together begins.


	22. I'm so Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're already forgiven

Wells, I'm sorry. I should have forgiven you earlier and you could have been with me the day you died. Maybe you wouldn't have died at all.

Charlotte, I'm sorry. I watched you fall into that chasm as you took your life. I could have stepped forward in time to save you, but I was too late.

Anya, I'm sorry. Maybe you would still be alive had we not gone to war. I should have made peace with your people. I should have made peace with them, regardless of the terms.

Finn, I'm so sorry. I stabbed you. I killed you... I could have made peace with the grounders and maybe you'd still be here today.

Maya, I'm so sorry. I pulled that lever, I killed you. You and hundreds of other innocent people, some of which tried to help us. I still killed them.

Mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't the good guy, I should had tried harder, I should have listened to you because what do I know? I'm just a child compared to you. I forgive you about dad, we all have done things that we regret. Trust me mom, I understand.

Octavia, I'm sorry. I left you and Lincoln in TonDC to die, but it was to save your brother. What would you have done if you were me? Would you let them kill him? Maybe if this whole war hadn't started, things would be different. I ruined it, so I'm sorry.

Jasper, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pulled that lever. I'm sorry I let Maya die, we aren't all innocent Jasper. Even the lightest hearts have a dark side to them. I can't take back what I've done, but I have to live with the sight and the damage I have caused.

Monty, I'm sorry. You lost your best friend because of me. I hope he forgives you in my absence, because he is your other half and if anyone can get him out of the hole I put him in, it's you. Please look after him.

Raven, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I killed Finn, I'm sorry that you got shot, I'm sorry you came down to earth for nothing. I wish things could be different between us. I wish we could be friends, but after what I've done, I completely understand why you wouldn't want to be. I have caused you so much pain and I hope that if I come back, by that time it'll be gone.

Lexa, I'm sorry. Love is not weakness, if anything it's strength. I almost lost a war thinking that it was. I almost lost someone I loved, sending them into the mountain thinking it was the right thing to do. I'm sorry I couldn't return your feelings towards me, but know there will come a day when you find your happiness. Find strength in love Lexa, because that's where it'll be.

Bellamy. I am sorry. I'm sorry I put you through so much, I'm sorry I had to leave you outside the dropship, I'm sorry that I sent you into Mount Weather to your death, I'm sorry I never told you how I felt sooner, I'm sorry that I burdened you with so much, it's not your fault. I hope you know that, it's mine.

I'm only going away for the kids, the ones that we have led this far. Our 100 Bellamy, now down to 47 but they are still the delinquents that came down to Earth and breathed the first breath of fresh air in 97 years. If I stayed, they would look at me and remember every single day in the mountain, they would remember what happened on their last day. They have been though hell and back and I am a constant reminder of that.

Look after them when I'm gone. May we meet again Bellamy Blake.


	23. Haunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One dream can bring greater actions

The gun aimed at her head, it was almost like I was the one holding the gun. I could never know who was the one that pulled the trigger, I never saw their reflection or could imagine what they would look like.

I could never stop what was a happening, every time it was different; a gun, a bow and arrow, a spear, a machete, and they would always kill her with one blow.

I would wake up as soon as the bullet hit, or as the arrow, spear or machete struck her, killing her immediately.

Then the nightmares get worse, the person takes her into a cave, or back to the mountain. They string her up by her hands and beat her until she dies.

It haunts me through the days, a month goes by and they just get worse. Her cries out for someone to come and save her get louder and echo through my head through the days.

I wake up sweating, sometimes even a strangled cry of her name with tears in my eyes.

It doesn't even stop when Octavia comes in and finds me curled up whispering her name over and over, hoping it'll make the nightmares end.

But the thing is, I go to sleep every night just to be able to see her again. But it always ends the same way... With her dead.

Octavia sends me worried glances, the dark circles under my eyes becoming more prominent over the month.

I occasionally find myself standing at the fence, looking for that glint of blonde hair. Raven comes and stands next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder in sympathy.

The end of the first month without her is coming up. Octavia walks up to me as I stand staring at the last spot where I remember her the most, an angry look on her face.

"Bellamy, I am sick of you having nightmares, sick of you waking up on the brink of breaking, with tears in your eyes. You need to go and find her. It's the only way they can stop, the only way you will be at peace." She tells me and then leaves before I can say anything else.

I pack my bag and ignore the protests from Kane, absorbing Abby's slight look of gratitude. She places a tender hand on his arm, stopping the argument. He nods, understanding and let's me leave to look for my piece of hope, my princess.

Even as I walk out the gates to look for her, I feel as if I'm a step closer to finding her. I feel the nightmares will subside to where she will only be killed in one movement with no suffering.

I look back at the camp, and then out to the forest. "We will meet again." I say as each step I make is one closer to her.


	24. 11 Signs your Guy Friend Wants to be your Boyfriend

**Inspiration from Snapchats** ** _Cosmopolitan_** **Articles**.

 _11 signs your guy friend wants to be your boyfriend_. Was the title I read, and the first person that came to mind was Bellamy when I read the first sign.

Sign 1:

Your friends ask if you guys are a thing yet.

ALL THE FREAKEN TIME. Even Octavia. Anything that happens between Bellamy, such as laughing at a joke, all we get is shit from our group.

Eg. Octavia: Oh my gosh, you guys just need to date.  
Jasper to Monty: Are they together yet?  
Raven: Please tell me you guys have had sex?  
Maya when she first joined the group: Let me guess, they're dating?

That is only the beginning, it gets worse. They try to set us up, it never works but they still do it.

Sign 2:

When he hugs you, it feels like he's making out with you using only his arms.

This one not so much due to the lack of physical contact between us. But there have been times when he's hugged me on special occasions like on my Birthday, or on days when we understood what the other was going through and have given each other support. It didn't feel like making out, but I did feel better, or safer. I don't know, I felt something when I've hugged him.

I read further down the article and it says '#feelings are there'. Well I'm not going to deny this because there are feelings there, just none that either of us have acted upon.

Sign 3:

You hang out one-on-one all the time doing, let's be honest, couple-y things.

Well this one is a given due to the interference of the group right at the start which we then developed into our own thing. We end up just going along with it, we've been to movies together, the beach, a museum. If I see something I want to do, I'll tell him and we'll end up doing it together or vice versa. It's sort of become our routine.

Sign 4:

He brings up your inside jokes like they're quotes from his favourite movie.

SO MANY INSIDE JOKES BETWEEN US. Someone will say something and you'll just get Bellamy and I crying on the floor with laugher while the rest of our group just stares at us like we've gone crazy.

There was this one time, well it wasn't just 'one time'. It was the anniversary of my dad's death. Bellamy wasn't around for the day, but I had other people trying to take care of me, when all I wanted was to be left alone. I finally yelled at Octavia and Raven, screaming at them to get out.

Octavia must've texted Bellamy, and I received a text from him was one word from him which was part of our inside jokes. I couldn't stop laughing. I don't know why but it just made me laugh and I called him to come over and I spent the rest of the day watching movies with him.

Sign 5:

He never talks about having crushes on other women because to him, other women basically don't exist.

This one I'm not too sure about. When we first met, he was such a womaniser. Now I think to recently, I have not heard of any new flings or Miller complain about him bringing someone back. He could still have crushes though.

Sign 6:

He's practically best friends with all your friends now.

This one is a given. Our friend group consists of Jasper, Monty, Raven, Wick, Miller, Maya, Octavia and Lincoln. Bellamy and I made friends with them at the exact same time, when Octavia got into College and shared a dorm with me and had Jasper and who were in first year with Octavia and Bellamy (in third year) and Miller (in second year with me) as our 'neighbours'. Raven and Wick happened after the 'Finn incident. As we moved through College, we all also moved into the same apartment complex together. This time including Lincoln, Raven and Wick.

Sign 7:

He constantly tells you how much fun he has with you.

Bellamy tells me I'm not fun... but that's his way of getting me to do fun, reckless things with him. And because I don't back down from a challenge, I always take the bait. However to always prove his point, he'll always tell me, 'See that was fun, maybe you are fun Clarke.' I guess that could count.

Sign 8:

He always texts back.

No. Bellamy is the worst when it comes to texting. Probably because he doesn't know how to use his phone properly. (Yes he is one of _those_ people.)

He'll always pick up the phone when I call though, but he never texts.

Sign 9:

He makes sure no one messes with you.

Moving back to the Finn incident, in my third year of College. Finn was also in my year. He had swept me off my feet and I had started to fall in love with him. But then luckily Raven came along and I found out I was 'the other woman'. Finn still wouldn't leave me alone after I left him.

Bellamy and I weren't really close when this was going on, but one night when we were all out and we bumped into Finn, he wouldn't stop bothering me and let's just say Bellamy's fist 'bumped' into Finns face.

I was the one that had to fix up Bellamy's split knuckles afterwards. Finn on the other hand had a nice shiner for the next couple days.

Sign 10:

If you're putting an event together, he's your hype man.

There was this one time in my forth year when I was doing a charity campaign and Bellamy and I walked all around the city handing out flyers. He sometimes made a fool of himself in order to get people to take a flyer. He also notified his co-workers at the station about the event trying to get a whole load of people there, which I found great at the time. I don't think there would have been such a great turn out or that the police station would have taken the charity on board to help raise even more funds, without Bellamy's help.

Sign 11:

He remembers every single thing you've ever told him.

... Just then is when Bellamy walked into my apartment. I don't know if he remembers everything I've told him. He dumps the takeout he ordered on the countertop in the kitchen and starts taking the stuff out.

"Hey Bellamy?" I call out.

"Yeah?" I hear him say.

"Do you remember everything I've ever told you?" I say, and then cringe at how weird it sounds.

He pops his head out of the kitchen door way and gives me a strange look. "What do you mean? Like everything, everything or like important everything."

"Important stuff I guess." I say not really knowing where I'm going with this.

"Clarke, what are you going on about?" He asked me coming and sitting down on the couch next to me.

I locked my phone and looked up at him, "I was doing this quiz type thing, just never mind. It was stupid anyways." I say brushing it off, even though this whole thing could potentially change Bellamy's and my relationship.

"Yes." He then says and I give him a confused look. "I do remember everything you tell me, because it's all important. I remember your food order because I don't want a hungry cranky Clarke, I remember what temperature you said you like the room to be because you can sometimes be a stuck up bitch about it if you're too hot or too cold. I remember you told me you hated dramatic movies because you think all the actors are shit, so that's why we never watch dramatic, romantic movies. I remember it all for some reason."

I look at him and study his face trying to decide what to do with this. I have feelings for him, I think he has feelings for me. But a stupid article on Cosmopolitan can't tell me if he does or doesn't.

"What?" He finally questions after a moment too long of looking at him.

"Never mind." I say and look down at my phone which put all these stupid thoughts in my head. I mean what if he's only thinks of me like a best friend, there's nothing I can do about that.

I then have a thought, and question him "Why do you care about me, I mean like, we used to fight so much and then suddenly things changed, something changed." I ask him finally looking up at him as he watches me, concerned.

"Because I do. You're the only other person besides Octavia that I trust with everything. But you're not like Octavia in the sense that I think of you like a sister, you're a lot more than that. I don't know what we are but I just know that you're someone that I really care about and I don't want to ever lose you. I feel something for you Clarke, but I don't want to ruin this" He gestures between us.

In that moment I realize so much, I realize that Bellamy does like me, I realize how much I like him and I realize how stupid we've been this whole time. I then take his face and kiss him. I rest my forehead against his, smiling with him. "We are so stupid." I say and he laughs.

Moral of the story kids, is that everything you read on Cosmopolitan is true.


	25. One Day

I am the Vice President's daughter. My father died four years ago around the first presidential election my mother tried for. She got quickly re-married to a man by the name of Marcus Kane, which I slightly resent her for but Marcus quickly took to filling the role of the father in our family. 

This is my mother's second year being the Vice President and perfect family image seems to be one of the requirements. I stood by her though all the elections, smiling waving at the camera, but feeling trapped in this world where I could not be my own person. I could not express my true feelings, be who I wanted.

I wanted to be an artist, but I had to become a doctor. I once liked a girl, but that was strictly prohibited and didn't last long because of such reason. I am now with one of the guys my mother is setting me up with, Finn Collins. I like him, slightly... but I feel as things are moving too quickly for me. He's already confessed his love and it's only the first month. Luckily he is out of the country for the next two weeks, so I had a bit of space.

I stand here waiting for the new staff to come in. My mother has appointed a new secretary due to our insufferable President Pike firing her last one due to a scheduling clash as my mother was too busy. I was told she was to be in today as well as a new security detail for me as my last one was too lazy and I had managed to slip him several times... in the last month. Keeping in mind that I am 20, I think I can handle myself. However, my mother does not think as much and still considers me a child. Living the life of luxury... am I right?

I look down the hallway, glancing up from my phone where I scroll through photos of a private family holiday, where no one knew who I was and I was allowed to show some of my real personality, other than the perfect daughter all of America sought me out to be. 

A tanned guy in his mid 20's with a mop of black hair, in a clean cut suit comes striding down the hall with a sense of purpose and a face full of freckles. To say he looked hot would be an understatement. He was extremely attractive and I had to compose myself before he passed me.

But he didn't pass me, he stopped right in front of me. "Miss Griffin, I am Bellamy Blake, your new security detail."

"Clarke Griffin, good to meet you." I greet him sticking out my hand.

"Pleased to meet you Ma'am." He says taking my hand and smiling.

"Clarke... It's Clarke, please." I tell him and smile back. He stands next to me as I look out for the secretary.

"Please don't tell me you're one of those troublesome Princesses that sneak out at night." He says leaning in to speak.

"Isn't that why you were hired." I say and smirk up at him. He just chuckles in response and shakes his head.

I finally spot the girl, Latina and pretty. "Raven Reyes?" I say and she perks up focusing on me.

"Hi, Miss Griffin. I'm here for your mother." She says and shakes my hand.

"I'll take you to your office." I tell her before turning to the direction of my mother's office, Bellamy Blake trailing behind us.

*****

Raven had settled into her office space so I left her after making small conversation, talking about how she was here to see her boyfriend who had transferred over 3 months before. Finn must know him as he transferred over at the same time. 

I looked at the oversized watch on my wrist, seeing that I had a meeting with some administrators for a start up campaign in an hours time. In the meantime, I decided I would go for a walk in the gardens. Something I only ever rarely did when I had the time so I could absorb the colours and the sights. The perfect picture.

Bellamy finally perked up after his hour of silence and standing guard when we stopped at a bench. "That watch seems a bit big Princess." I smiled at the nickname and sat down gesturing for him to join me.

"Yeah, it was my fathers. He left it to me when he passed away." I tell him.

"May I ask how he died?" He questions looking at the green topiaries across from us.

"Do you want the real or the fake story?" I say and laugh at the surprised look on his face. "Fake story was he was shot in a normal street shooting. Real story he was shot by an assassin who was trying to kill my mother to try get her to resign from her run at presidency, but instead missed the shot and hit my father instead."

"Do you know who hired the assassin?" He then asks, intrigued by the situation.

"Yes... but it's not like you would believe me." I say

"Try me." He counters.

"Dearest President Pike." I tell him and he honestly doesn't seem surprised.

"I've known Pike for a long time and made the mistake of trusting him. But now I know what kind of person he is, I wouldn't be surprised if that is what happened."

"It was my mothers first presidential running and she was actually doing really well. Then suddenly that happened and Pike 'mistakenly' used the street shooting as the reason why my father died. There was already too much damage with media control and we hadn't put out a statement so we just left it at that, but it wasn't too hard to read between the lines." I tell him sighing in frustration at the Neanderthal we call a President.

"You're different from what I'd thought you'd be." Bellamy states looking across at me.

"How so?" I ask him.

"Well for one I thought you'd be some stuck up bitch... Shit... Am I allowed to say that to you?" He questions himself.

I laugh at his panic moment, "It's all good Bellamy. I thought you'd stand there awkwardly most of the time and never speak to me."

"Well I guess we both judged too quickly. I also didn't think you were so down to earth with everything." He tells me and smirks.

"It's my dream do normal stuff that people that don't have presidential parents do. So don't expect me to be staying out of trouble, you can either join and help me, or I can ditch you and you can spend a day trying to find me to not get fired." I tell him and stand up extending my hand to pull him up.

He rolls his eyes taking my hand and pulling himself and says, "You're not going to be losing me Princess." 

I back hand his chest playfully and look at him mischievously, "You want to bet?"

"Try me." he retorts with a charming smirk.

"One day Blake." I laugh and he escorts me to the meeting room.

*****

2 weeks later

"Ugh I can't believe he's coming back today." I say to Bellamy through my door as I get changed.

"If you don't like him so much, then why are you dating him?" Bellamy questions.

"Cause my mother is making me. I mean I thought I liked him but these few weeks have been so nice and peaceful and I realize I don't like him." I tell him and imagine how weird it must look for people on the other side of the door.

"I would just break it off, so what if your mother is making you?" He says and in that moment I open the door, sticking my head out, only standing in my underwear on the other side 

"Bellamy, you do know who my mother is right?" I tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"Just hurry the hell up." He says getting impatient.

"Yes Sir." I say sarcastically through the closed door. Smiling to myself with the great banter that we have.

I change quickly and head to the door straightening my shirt out when I step out. Bellamy stands there waiting. "Took you long enough Princess."

"Still with the 'Princess' Blake. Is it not getting old?" I tell him.

"Nope." He says smirking.

"Well just make sure you don't say it in front of my mother cause she could possibly fire or murder you for using 'such informal language.'" I say quoting the woman.

"Yes Ma'am." He says smiling proudly at me.

"Shut up with that too." I say and smile back at him, walking into the hallway where Finn stands waiting, inspecting Bellamy and I from afar. I can see his eyes darken with slight jealousy from watching Bellamy and I smiling at each other.

I feel slight triumph at this and feel awkward when I hug him hello, trying to avoid as much physical contact as possible. Bellamy introduces himself as my new security detail and I can see Finn stiffen when Bellamy sticks his hand out. He takes it regardless and greets him quickly.

The next thing happens so quickly. I see my mother coming down the hallway with Raven in tow, taking notes down on a sheet of paper. When she looks up and sees Finn, something in her eyes light up but she turns a corner to another corridor. When I look back at Finn and see a slight panicked look on his face watching Raven go, I immediately had a sense of what she was to him and took the liberty to turn to Bellamy and quickly lead him away from Finn, hearing him call my name behind me.

I ignored it and quickly made my way to my room, bringing Bellamy in with me. "You ok Clarke?"

"Finn is Raven's boyfriend from before he transferred over here. I was such an idiot; how did I not know sooner." I felt tears start to build up but I tried to stop them from running down my cheeks.

"Clarke, I'm sorry." Bellamy says to me and hesitantly hugs me. I give up on trying to fight the tears but just take in the moment of vulnerability. "Lets go for a walk." He says and take my hand, wiping a stray tear with his other thumb.

I nod and allow him to lead me down to the gardens. We walk around, with Bellamy distracting me with conversation of his rough childhood and talking about how his sister is his world. I listen to every word he says, loving the enthusiasm in his voice when he talks about how proud he is of Octavia. He tells me stories like the first time he met her current fiancé and the time he found out she had gotten a tattoo. He tells me about their friends and how stupid they can be and to me it just sounds so amazing and normal.

"You know when I said I wouldn't stay out of trouble and you can either help me or get fired?" I ask him.

"Yeah and you know I'd probably help you and then get fired." He jokes, smiling down at me.

"Yeah well, do you think one day you can get me out of this place and I can meet all these people?" I look up at him smiling hoping he'll say yes, Finn already forgotten about.

"You bet Princess." He says and I wrap my arm around his waist as we walk down the pathway. He pulls me in closer and I look up at him, smiling. It here when decide that I really like him. 


	26. Days Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of One Day.

**Part 2 of One Day**

Bellamy was more than just my security guard. That was something for sure. He knew his boundaries but he also sometimes overlooked them. He wouldn't stay in my room for long periods of times but would still sit with me and watch a movie or something like that. I had to keep reminding myself that it was his job to protect me and if anything happened between us, I'm pretty sure he would be fired on the spot. So instead we just tiptoed around the feelings, never wanting to get too close to them.

We compromised on my attempt at trying to persuade Bellamy to sneak me out of the house with him taking me on a morning run at sunrise from the Grand Memorial, passing several monuments on the way. We sat and watched the sunrise, out of breath but a step closer to what I suppose freedom feels like.

I managed to persuade Kane and my mother to go on a trip to the Great Falls Park, where Bellamy and I wandered off down hiking trails, getting lost in the nature of everything. There was a lot of bumping shoulders and unintended but hopeful hand touches. A lot more nickname calling, which Bellamy was almost caught out on by my mother with something along the lines of him almost calling me 'Princess' but with a warning look from me, he subtly changed it to 'Priceless view, don't you think so Ma'am?' To which I then gave him a disapproving look, but he kept his back to my mother, smirking at me pretending he was unaware of her presence. 'Yeah, brilliant.' I replied sardonically.

Bellamy always managed to take me out to new places. One day he took me to this beautiful track called Lovers Lane. It had a stunning small pool area and a lovely nature feel to it. We slowed down on a quaint bridge, looking down at a river. We caught our breaths quickly and watched the calming water flow downstream.

Bellamy jumped over the side of the bridge and walked down to the water. I followed in a much less graceful manner, almost tripping over my own foot. If it wasn't for Bellamy steadying me, I probably would've gone down face first. Not something I would be entirely proud of. Bellamy held onto my arm as I edged down with him to the water. I sat down next to him on the bank and just took in the moment. Only in these past few months have I ever felt so good and it's all because of Bellamy.

"Thank you." I say to him

"For what Princess?" He says looking at me curiously.

"For being there through the rough times, taking me to all these places. I haven't felt this good in ages." I tell him breathing in.

"We'll, I know from day one that you just wanted a sense of normality, so I tried to give it to you." He says.

"Well you most definitely succeeded." I laughed and Bellamy looked over at me, a hidden emotion swimming around.

"We best be on our way back before your mother fires me for keeping you outside too long." He says sarcastically, I try to send him a disapproving look but it failed miserably and turned into half smile instead.

I allowed him to pull me up and keep me steady climbing back up the hill to the cobblestone bridge. I looked over the view of the river flowing below us and looked at Bellamy and gave him a half hug, wrapping one arm around his waist. His arm went around my shoulder and I half snuggled under his arm. "Thank you Bellamy... For everything." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek.

"Anything for you Princess." He says looking down and then kissed my forehead.

I took one last look at the beautiful scene in front of me and started off running, Bellamy in tow.

I arrived back at the house to find a bouquet of roses sitting on my table. I looked at Bellamy behind me and he shrugged, wiping his forehead.

My mother's heels clapped on the floor and I gave Bellamy the look to tell him to act professional. He rolled his eyes and disappeared into the background of the room, making his way into the hallway as soon my mother stormed into the room.

"How come I have to find out from a bunch of roses that you broke up with him. He was your best shot at a good life Clarke. Wealthy family, good looks, you would've been a cover story family, the new William and Kate. But oh no, you have to take things into your own hands and ruin your whole life. Don't you ever tell me that I've ruined your life, because you've done such a good job by yourself." By the end of the rant, I was in tears.

"What would you know. He cheated on me mother. So to say that I wouldn't marry an honourable man, I don't think I ruined my life at all. If anything, it was an improvement. I don't need him to be able to have a good life. Anyways, I'm sure that you'll find another suitor for me to marry, which I'll just shut down again, you know why mom? Because I don't like any of them, I will never like any of them." I tell her with venom in my voice and I know the reason as to why I won't ever like any of the guys she throws at me, but I push the thought of Bellamy down.

"Clarke... If I had known. I'm sorry." She then tells me with tears even starting to build up. "It's just that I want the best for you, the best man, the best job... everything."

"Mom the best man and hell, the best job, doesn't have to have money but that would be a good bonus. But I know that at the moment..." I say drifting off not knowing where I would be going with what I could tell my mom. "I know at the moment, the best man for me does not have masses of money but I know he does care for me, because it's his job to." I tell her.

"Bellamy?" My mom looks at me astounded.

"I care about him, more than I've ever cared about anyone before. And well it's pretty much his job to care about me, but he's managed to give me a sense of normality which is something I haven't felt in years." I tell my mom with raw honesty.

"Clarke..." Her voice breaks saying my name. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I've been such a terrible mother; I've tried to give you the best but instead I've managed to ruin everything." She sits down on my bed and puts her head in her hands.

I feel a sense of guilt rush through me and I immediately go to her side and embrace her sobbing frame. "Don't ever say you're a bad mother, because you've given me so much. You're all I have left."

"I should never have run for president. Your father would still be alive." She tells me sadly and I rub her back as she wipes at her tear streaks.

"Then you would never have met Marcus and the country would be in flames." I give her a small smile and wipe at a spot she missed.

"Pike would've ruined everything." She says darkly.

"Exactly. Now Mrs Vice President, I'm pretty sure you have a 12 o'clock appointment with some manager guy to ensure that Pike doesn't ruin everything." I help her up and hug her. She takes my face and presses a kiss to my forehead. I brush off the non existent crinkles on her shirt and smile.

She turns and leaves giving me one last glance before walking out the door. I hear her saying something to Bellamy before the door closes and cringe internally, also thinking how much of the argument he had heard.

The door opens shortly with a confused Bellamy in tow. "How much of the argument did you hear?" I question.

"I heard yelling, but I didn't hear words." He says and I internally relax. "I'm not sure what was said but she was pretty intent that I keep you safe and look after you well for the rest of your life, regardless of where you are and what not." I duck my head down to attempt to hide the blush forming on my cheeks. "Also she told me that I can take you out somewhere tonight."

"So then Mr Blake, where are you taking me?" I give him a smirk.

"Fancy restaurants are out of the question. You've been to too many of those. How about a home cooked meal and you may get the added bonus of meeting my sister and her boyfriend?" He questions giving an innocent shrug.

"I'd love that." I say smiling at him.

****Hours later****

I sat at the dinner table, eating a homemade lasagne Bellamy had made, sitting across from his sister and her boyfriend with a passion for art. I have never met someone so lively and similar to me in my life than Octavia and I could easily see that we would be great friends.

I got her number soon after dinner and Bellamy drove me back to the house. "Thank you, again for being the most amazing person I've ever met, Bellamy." I smile up at him and kiss his cheek. He looks down at me with only centimetres between us, something changes in that second and his lips are suddenly on mine. Once breaking the kiss, he looks at me and says roughly, "How fired am I?"

"Not if I can help it." I say to him and kiss him again, both of us smiling.


	27. She spoke words that would melt in your hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration from Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club. Highly recommend them as well as Nothing but Thieves.
> 
> 'You hid there last time, you know we’re gonna find you.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise if this is trash, it's late and I should be doing coursework but once this was in my mind, there was no going back.
> 
> S

Clarke was missing. It was the third time this month, second time this week. The first time we found her on her apartment roof, she just need space that time. The second time everyone didn’t know where the hell she had gone until she popped back up two days later telling us something about her mother. Still no one knew where she had gone, but me.

And this time I assumed she went to the same place, thinking that no one knew where she was.  I grabbed my keys and phone, Octavia was currently trying to call her and was getting nowhere as I predicted. She would be on the look out soon too, going to her apartment, her old house, she wouldn't think to look where I would be going because Clarke had never told her about this place.

I wasn’t particularly in the mood for a man hunt, but I would do anything for Clarke and she couldn’t be alone in a time like this. It was the exact day her dad had passed away and I knew the crushing feeling of loss and the reminder of it each year the exact date came around to hit you in the chest and remind you, you couldn’t do anything to save them. 

It was at that point of thought that I got in my truck and started the engine heading into the town. She was closer than they all thought.

I drove past her apartment block and down through the richer part of the city into the out skirting forest area. I don’t think Clarke had told anyone about this place, but me. In our confession session after a massive argument, we spilled everything about each other, our greatest fears, our weaknesses, our losses. This was brought us together; it was what made me think that we weren’t so different after all, what made me fall for her...

I pulled the truck into park and strode out down the pathway leading to the lake house that Jake passed down to Clarke after his death. The one kept her memory of him alive with all the good times that they had, with no worries of cancer or disease. No thoughts of death would evade her thoughts.

As soon as Jake found out about the cancer, it was too late and they never went back to the cabin. Clarke told me that it was because he didn’t want Clarke to have any bad memories of him in the lake house when it became hers and it would be her place of solitude and serenity in times of trouble. Like today.

 Sure enough the cabin was lightly lit and the front door was slightly ajar. I walked up the porch and through the house to the back garden. There was Clarke sitting on a lawn lounger, nursing a warm cup of tea with tear streaks down her face, lit by setting sun hitting the water in front of us.

“How did you know I’d be here?” She says as I come into view and I can see a sad smile appear as she looks up at me.

“You hid here last time you ran away; you know I’d find you.” I tell her, sitting on the lounger next to her looking out at the view of the lake and the rapidly dropping sun.

She gives a short laugh, “How come you can be one of the most amazing yet so insufferable people in this world?” She asks me.

“Only for you.” I say laughing. “It’s the least I can do for you on a day like this. I know for the first few years after my mom passed away, I was not in a good place and I was alone and I just don't want you to be in that place and alone.”

“I’m not alone, I have you.” She says simply after a moment of silence, not looking at me but at the darkening sky ahead of us.

“You’ll always have me, Clarke.” I tell her placing my hand on her knee.

“I know.” She tells me taking my hand, I pull her up and onto my lawn lounger so she snuggles into me.

We lay there until our breathing evened out and we fall asleep in each others arms. This is what we both needed, I needed her and she needed me and we were going to be okay with each other as long as we grounded each other.

I woke in the early morning hours, surprisingly comfortable with a heavy weight pressed into half my side which was Clarke, sleeping half on top of me. Her blonde hair was splayed everywhere across my chest and her arm was wrapped tightly around my torso.

I untangled myself picking her up and brought her into the house, putting her into bed. I shrugged off my jacket and shoes that I had slept in, I tucked Clarke in and kissed her forehead, seeing her waking up slightly. I pulled back but she responded by taking my hand and dragging me down next to her to cuddle back into me, intertwining her cold feet with mine. I held onto her and fell back to sleep without dreams, because my dream was right beside me.

I awoke to calm blue eyes looking at me, belonging to the beautiful girl in front of me. I smiled up at them with “I love you” slipping out in the moment.

She turned on her back smiling brightly letting out a silent laugh, holding on my hand and turned quickly back to me, “I love you too,” was the reply with a big grin and a slight blush high on her cheeks.

I inched closer to her and watched as her pupils dilated, watching intently for the next move until my lips pressed softly to hers. Only then did those eyes shut. 


	28. My Brothers Best Friend

**The one where Clarke has a twin brother and she falls for his best friend, despite being frenemies.**

So, you could call me a pretty average person. If you just ignore the whole family drama of the brother who doesn't talk to his mother who indirectly killed our father.  But yeah, pretty average.

I'm Clarke Griffin; artist, potential doctor, daughter of Abby Griffin and Jake Griffin, twin sister of Tom Griffin, best friend of Wells Jaha, Raven Reyes, Jasper Jordan, Monty Green and Octavia Blake, frenemy of Bellamy Blake.

So basically my twin brother and I shared our friends, just like we shared everything. Tom had his own group of friends of Nathan Miller and John Murphy as well as Bellamy, who I've mentioned before and they extended into mine of Raven, Octavia, Jasper and Monty and Wells.

You may think it's weird that happened and that we managed to group together, but because of Octavia and Bellamy being related and their rough childhood, they preferred to stay together, even though Octavia said she hated that Bellamy chilled with us. It's only because Bellamy was so protective of Octavia, that I tolerated him. Other than that, we fought like there was no tomorrow.

That, however changed all in one night where I became friends or, you could even consider slightly more with my brother's best friend. It was Octavia's 21st birthday and I took her out with her Raven to a bar so she could have her first night out as a legal adult. I even managed to get Bellamy's permission. The night, however did not go to plan and became more of a nightmare with Octavia almost being molested if I wasn't to step in and stop the sleazy guy from trying to take advantage of the drunk, younger girl.

He was touching her up, hands skirting the more sensitive areas of her body. I dived straight in as soon as I saw him trying to touch her. I pulled him off him and the guy shoved me away, I was yelling at him. Telling him to 'get the hell off her'. He wouldn't leave her alone, he then got violent once I tried again, he punched me once I had pulled her away from him and pushed her away.

I held my face, watching the guy's face going from anger to pure panic and then running. I quickly searched for Octavia and Raven in the crowd and spotted them both heading towards me with bags in tow.

Raven gripped my wrist and pulled me out of the bar to the road where she called a cab. "I need to go to the hospital." I say in my state of light headedness. "You take Octavia home; I'll get the next cab to the hospital."

Raven understood I could take care of myself so she left me and I went to the hospital to check for a concussion.

It was there where I sat on the medical bed, waiting for the doctor to come in and ask me the mandatory questions, of which all the answers would be no. Then he would ask me questions more specific to the concussion, of which most of the pain orientated ones would be yes.

He came in holding his clip board and started questioning:

'Have you been drinking?' – 'No, I don't drink.'

'Have you taken drugs?' – 'No'

'Do you have any medical conditions?' – 'No'

'Are you currently taking any medication?' – 'No'

'Are you pregnant?' – 'No'

He continued to question me about these things, then moving onto the questions about the concussion as I held a half melted ice pack to my face. He was half way through a question when I heard my name being yelled from down the corridor. The doctor looked up at me and I felt like I knew who that voice was from, the one and only... Bellamy Blake.

That was when the curtain was almost ripped off its rail and he appeared, slightly out of breath with what looked like concern etched onto his face. "Shit Clarke. What the hell!" Was the first thing he said to me.

I opened my mouth to respond with a sassy comment but was interrupted by him striding over and enveloping me. I used my one free arm to half hug back, unsure about what was going on at the time.

He took a step back, ignoring the doctor in the corner who looked like he had been in this situation one too many times. Bellamy just looked at me for a second to long and then spoke, "You saved Octavia. Raven told me everything and then you took a punch. Shit Clarke." He says again. "I came here as soon as Octavia was in bed."

"I don't think she'll remember it. But this wouldn't have happened if I didn't take her out, I'm sorry Bellamy." I say, with the guilt suddenly hitting me that it was my fault that she was put in that situation.

"No, Princess. If anything I should be thanking you for getting her out of that situation and getting decked in the process." He laughs.

It's in that time when the doctor clears his throat and Bellamy is finally made aware of his presence. A blush rises onto his cheeks and he steps back from his close proximity to me moving to stand at the back of the wall, not leaving the room.

I sit there curious on the bed as the doctor finishes questioning and checking my head. I see Bellamy messaging someone and he looks up mouthing 'Tom' to me. I give him an understanding nod, and instantly regret not telling my brother that I had gone to the hospital because he would be freaking out.

The doctor finally finished with me and then told me to be cautious if sleeping tonight because I may have a concussion. Bellamy took his steps forward as soon as the doctor left the room saying 'I'll leave you two to it.'

"Need someone to take you back home? Tom fell back asleep when I told him I was here with you." I laugh at that because that was classic Tom.

I nodded and grabbed my bag walking out behind Bellamy. "You look very nice by the way." He comments when we're out of the room.

I laugh and bump my shoulder with his, "Thanks." I pause for a second, taking in the change of atmosphere between us. "So all it took was me saving Octavia and getting punched for you to like me?"

"I've always like you Clarke. I just judged you too soon and because of that we fought and I guess it became our thing. You've always been good with Octavia and I thought you were going to take advantage of being her friend, but instead you've looked after her more times than I can count." He tells me bumping my shoulder back.

That night Bellamy stays over at my place, staying up with me to make sure I don't go comatose. From there our friendship escalates, Tom and the others guys get pissy at me because they think I'm stealing their best friend. The girls are overjoyed, thinking that we should date. And well I think I like him.

****

"Oh my gosh, Clarke! You like him." Tom yells at me across the kitchen table. This is about 2 months after the getting punched incident.

"What, no." I say flatly, looking down at the book in front of me taking another bite of my cereal.

"You so do! Ten bucks he likes you back." He yells again.

I put my spoon down giving my twin a glare, "What, are you five? Bellamy and I are just friends. Get over it." I tell him and go back to eating my cereal, trying to ignore the feeling of guilt lying to my brother.   

In all honesty, Bellamy and I have been on several dates. One night we were watching a movie and he spoke up in the middle of a boring scene, "You want to go on a date sometime?" I lifted my head off his shoulder and smiled at him. He smiled back but replied with the smart comment of, "Don't get too excited Princess. It's not going be to at some fancy ass restaurant."

"I haven't even said yes yet." I replied.

"Your face said it all." He replied.

"Bellamy Blake, do you want me to say no because it's heading in that direction." I warn him jokingly.

"Princess. Will you go on a date with me?" He asks me sincerely.

"Yes, you ass." I tell him and set back down, snuggling closer to him focusing back on the movie. He adjusts himself so that I'm tucked into his side and his chin is rested on my head. We manage to fall asleep in that position.

Bellamy takes me to a quaint little café around the corner from his apartment and that was only the first date of many. Nothing is awkward, and nothing really changes besides us getting closer. Small hand touches, secret glances at one another and before I know it, I feel a lot more for him.

When Tom calls in on one of the dates at Bellamy's house, he always gives me slack for never giving him more information other than 'I'm busy' and then putting the phone down. Which I probably am... making out with my boyfriend. I smile into the kiss as I drop the phone, not caring where it lands in that moment.

Our friends notice the shift in the atmosphere between Bellamy and I, but all gave up on trying to ask us what was going on because we denied every single thing, but would then steal a few quick kisses in isolated hallways on the way back from the kitchen.

It was new for both of us and for the first time in my life, I could say that I felt like I had a future with this man. Finn, was a temporary and may his soul rest in peace but he was a dick. Lexa was a fling but Bellamy, he is something permanent. Something I want in my life.

When everyone finds out, its from a picture that Bellamy posts on Instagram of him kissing me at the beach. I swear it's the most popular photo he has with over 20 comments of our friends giving us shit and heart eyes, having their own little conversation.

The day he says I love you is a day like no other. We're watching a baseball game that he dragged me along to. The kiss cam pans to us for some absurd reason and he turns and smiles at me and I kiss him. As we break apart, he rests his forehead on mine and says 'I love you' only loud enough for me to hear. I smile and kiss him again saying it right back as my heart feels like it finally has fit into a place where it belongs.

When he proposes, he takes me on a hike through the mountains like we did on some weekends. It was a beautiful trail we had never been on before and the waterfall we finally stopped at was stunning. That was when he kneeled down in front of me and took the ring out his pocket which had been centimetres away from me the whole time. The glisten in his eyes and the love pouring out his soul in that moment made me make the decision that this was most definitely the man I wanted to spend eternity with.

We lock ourselves away from everyone for the next couple of days and finally tell everyone. Tom looks like he already knows, probably because Bellamy being the gentleman he is, asked my brother if he wouldn't mind me marrying him. Octavia, Jasper and Monty have a mini freak out and Octavia has a rant at her brother about how he didn't say anything to her, which he retaliates by saying 'Like you didn't tell me about dating Lincoln for six months.' A blush rises onto her cheeks and she sticks her tongue out at him.

He smirks at her watching her saunter off and then looks at me across the room and sends a bright smile my way. The one that changed my life.


	29. Together

I got her phone call in the middle of the night. "Bellamy, she broke up with me. I don't know what to do." I turned the light on and pushed the covers off myself sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Where are you right now?" I asked Clarke, picking up a hoodie and shoving it on and picking up a second one in case.

"Outside her house, she kicked me out." She told me with a snivel.

"Shit Clarke. I'll come and pick you up. Just walk to the closest bus stop and wait there, ok?" I said putting my phone on loudspeaker and then shoving my shoes on.

"Ok." She breathed out into the phone and I picked up the phone again, about to hit the end call button, but I heard a muffled, "Wait, wait, Bellamy."

I brought the phone back up and answered, "Yea?"

"Thanks." She sighed out.

"No problem. Just sit tight until I get there." I told her putting the phone down and left the house.

I start the car and look at the clock showing 2:30 am and it being 13 degrees out. She must've been freezing, and what the hell was Lexa doing shoving her out at that time. I got that she's a self righteous bitch and all but it didn't give her any right over doing that to Clarke.

There's only one person that can get me out of bed at that time and it's her. She's helped me in so many ways before, and we've had our ups and down. She left me for months on end and came back with a girlfriend who pulled her even further away from her friends just cause she didn't like us. Lexa had threatened me previously in a rage of jealousy thinking that I was going to take Clarke away from her. I never told Clarke that, because she was happy with Lexa and I didn't want to take away the happiness of the girl I loved.

I arrived at the bus stop just down the road from the bitch from hell's house and looked at Clarke with her heels next to her and in a long dinner gown from going to a gala her mom had invited her to. She was huddled in a shawl she brought but was chattering her teeth and rubbing her arms up and down to try and generate more heat. I took the jumper out the back and got out of the car just as she got up.

She immediately started tearing up as soon as she saw me. "Come here." I opened my arms and held her, as her body racked with sobs. She gripped onto me, soaking my blue hoodie with tear stains and mascara. I didn't care.

She released herself from me, starting to calm down wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. I handed her the hoodie, to which she gratefully smiled knowingly at me. Trying to get it on, it got stuck over her head and she started laughing. We managed to get the hoodie on and I looked at her tear stained face with a soft smile. I pulled the toggles on either side so the hoodie around her face and she laughed again. "Mine or yours?" I asked as we walked towards the car.

"Yours." She said immediately and I looked at her slightly surprised but shook my head and just got into the car without questioning her.

We finally arrived at my place and she got out and let herself into my house, knowing where the spare key for her is. I parked the car and got out following her, finding her in my room looking for a shirt and a pair of boxers. 'Classic Clarke.' I thought as she knew exactly where everything was.

I took off my hoodie and sat on my bed, putting the TV on searching for something to watch as she went into the bathroom to shower. When she came out, her hair was swept into a bun, in my shirt and boxers which were rolled up to stay up on her slim figure.

I moved over for her and she climbed in. She spoke up, "Bell, you're amazing. More guys should be like you." She told me as she snuggled up to me with her head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her forehead.

"You deserve a lot better than Lexa." I told her but she stayed silent.

"I don't deserve you though." She told me sadly and I looked down at her slightly surprised.

"No Clarke, you deserve better than me." I told her and squeezed her side, she looked up at me with a confused expression.

"Bellamy, you woke up at 2:30 in the morning and came out in the freezing cold, bringing a extra jumper for me to pick me up off the side of the street. That's not something you would do for everyone." She said to me, "there is no one better than you."

"Just go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning." I said to her softly and she reached up and kissed my jaw, intertwining her cold feet with mine.

I knew for a fact that this isn't what friends did. This was what couples did, and I felt strangely guilty for being happy to hold her in my arms for once.

*****

"Bell." I heard my name being whispered close to my ear.

"Let me sleep." I whine and she stuck her tongue out and touched my cheek with it. "Ew, Clarke that's gross, stop it." I turn my head the other way, lying on my stomach with my hands tucked under the pillow.

"I'm hungry, can we go get food. Or do you actually have food in your fridge?" She says resting her head on my stuck out elbow.

"Miller went shopping yesterday before he left for Bryan's, I'm sure we have something." I mumble and turn my head again to look at her. She looks like an excited puppy, like nothing happened the night before, but still beautiful.

She wore my hoodie and the boxers she helped herself to. I sigh and attempt to get up. I look at the clock on the side table and see the time of 7:30. "Why am I up so early?" I question myself.

"Because you want to make me breakfast." Clarke answers for me. "Come on." She says getting off the bed and walking into the kitchen.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I mumble.

*****

I slide the plate of food over to her. It wasn't burnt, which is a first. Both Clarke and I weren't good cooks, we actually sucked. So being able to cook a full breakfast, not burnt was a major thing for us.

She smiles down at her plate, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "Let's just hope it tastes as good as it looks." She says cutting into the bacon.

We eat in silence for a bit and I watch her, seeing her staring off into the distance when chewing. I can tell she was thinking about Lexa.

I finally ask, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looks up from her food and gives me an unsure look. "She got jealous." She starts after a moment.

"Jealous of who?" I ask taking a bite of my breakfast.

"You." She says and then puts her fork down. "She always asked why I texted you a lot and especially in recent months after I had gone, why I wanted to see you or talk to you, she was trying to pull me away from you. And I tried so hard to tell her that we were friends. But she never believed me. She always thought we were more and she flipped when she saw the text you had sent earlier about that terrible joke. And she just got so angry. I then got really angry at her and everything came out. I told her that it was either she accepts you or I leave. She couldn't accept you, so I said I was leaving"

She stops and looks down at her food. "Then she accused me of cheating because apparently we can't be friends and act as we do. Then she broke up with me and told me to get out."

I take her hand which is clenched on the table, with her knuckles turning white. "I'm so sorry." I tell her and squeeze her hand causing her to look up at me with tears forming.

"Hey, don't cry. She's done with, we will go out and we will find you someone else. I will be your wingman." I tell her playfully.

She looks at me and smiles sadly. Then she says, "Do you think I can stay here for a couple days? I don't want to go home in case she comes by, and I don't think I'll be going out and looking for a relationship for a while. It always leads to the wrong person." She says and takes her fork again and stabs a piece of bacon.

"Sure you can stay, Millers out." I tell her and then say, "I'm sure you'll find the right person one day. You know you will. They'll look at you like you're the only thing in the world and it'll just feel right."

We leave our breakfast on the table and head out to the patio.

"Have you met the right person yet Bell?" She asks me as she sits on the bench next to me.

"I want to think I have but I don't think she knows she's the right person for me." I tell her but don't want to look at her to give anything away.

"Well maybe you should tell her." She tells me, which surprises me. "Maybe you'll find she's been looking for the right guy for way too long and finally sees that you're that person for her."

In that second I could tell she was talking about us. I look back up at her and she meets my eyes, a slight red tinge on her cheeks and a small smile.

"Clarke..." I start slowly, not really knowing what to say but she looks down at her hands and starts explaining.

"Look, Lexa accused me of being too close to you and I kept telling her we were just friends but every time I did that I felt like it was a lie. Before I left it was always us, together. I came back and you were angry but we figured that shit out and in that time was when I started seeing that Lexa was changing as we became closer and I didn't like who she was becoming. She was trying to pull me away from you and she would complain about me seeing you. Last night was when I had finally had it and I realized that when we were together it was always better. It was always... Right." She finishes.

"So what are you saying Clarke?" I ask her as we subconsciously move closer together.

"Bellamy, you're my person. You know me better than anyone else in this world. I stopped caring about Lexa the moment she started pulling me away from you and I fought for us. Bellamy, it's always been you."

I placed my hand on her face and brush my lips slowly against hers. She automatically responds, kissing me back and soon it turns into a fight for control with teeth clashing and tongues and hands roaming places untouched by the other.

We broke apart and I looked at the beautiful girl in front of me. "Are you sure?" I ask her.

"Together." She responds.


	30. The First

Bellamy stormed into my apartment dumping a packed bag by the door. At first I thought he was angry at me, but as soon as he walked straight past me not saying anything and into my room picking up one of my gym bags next to my wardrobe, I had no clue as to why he was here.

"We're going on holiday." Is all he stated and started to pack my bag for me, pulling out some of my drawers.

"May I ask why, dearest neighbor backslash guy I've only really met like 4 months ago and every time we do see each other, we argue like hell." I say, leaning on my door frame, watching him and he just grunts in response.

"Alright, well how long are we going for then?" I ask, continuing to watching his tirade through my closet.

"One week." He states.

"And where?" I questioned him.

"Hamptons." He spits out clawing his way through my wardrobe for a decent dress.

"Fancy. And why?" I ask again as he then moves to search my drawers for whatever he's looking for.

He stops my packing and looks up at me huffing. "My sister thinks I have a girlfriend and I don't want to go there and have her disappointed."

"Why would she be disappointed?" I ask him and he pulls out 3 bras and shoves them in the bag, not even thinking twice about it.

"She says I've been single for way too long and need a stable relationship in my life and that she'll disown me if I arrive there without a girlfriend." He says then taking out a handful of underwear, counting out 7 pairs and throwing them in the bag.

"Why me?" I then ask, watching him pause and ponder about the question.

"You're nice." Is all he says and continues to pull out 2 bikinis, shorts and a few shirts and suitable jacket. "You also have no option in this cause you're my only female friend."

"Your definition of friend is quite strange." I mutter loud enough for him to hear. He stops and looks up with a guilty look.

"I apologize for being a dick, I just jumped to a conclusion when I found out that you have a privileged background. My sister and I didn't have much when we were younger and our mother died when I was 17 and had to look after this 13 year old."

I look at him and smile accepting his apology then saying, "Your sister is younger than you, and she's the one that's going to disown you. It's more like she's the older one." I joke and he chuckles and passes me my now fully packed bag for this highly spontaneous holiday.

I kick him out of my room to get changed, thinking about why I actually am agreeing to this. It was most definitely not because of his muscularness; that was only partially part of the reason why. The other part was just an attraction to his personality when he wasn't a dick.

"I hope you don't have any plans or work this next week, but you still have no choice in this." He tells me when I walk out, lugging the gym bag behind me.

"It's a public holiday for the week and I would count Netflix and reading a book as busy but others may interpret that differently." I say and he holds his hand out to take my bag. I pass it to him, he picks up his and we set off for our new adventure.

In the car I realize a few things, first thing is that I'll be sharing a bed with Bellamy. However, that's the least of my worries. I also have a to kiss him and be all couple like with him and this was something I did not consider.

I stay quiet, pondering about what the hell we were going to do. Bellamy looks over at me worriedly, "You okay Clarke?"

"How are we going to play this? We are sharing a bed, I'm chill with that. But the physical affection, how much are we showing and what's the story?" I ask him, seeing him smile a little at the thought.

"I think stick with the neighbors story as much as possible, we fought but we liked each other so I asked you out etcetera etcetera. First date was at the diner down the street. When we first kissed was a date where I took you to the roof of the building." He tells me, "Physical affection, well babes you can show as much as you want."

"So not loads to be respectful, but enough to make her think you're dating me." I tell him and he nods his head and grins at me.

"Maybe you need some practice Clarke, I feel like you haven't really been out there recently." He tells me smirking.

"Yeah?" I say and lean over the console and press a kiss to his cheek.

"Is that all..." He shuts up as I kiss down his jaw and nibble at his earlobe. I graze my teeth as I kiss his pulse point and he sighs out "Shit Clarke". I pull back and he groans at the loss of contact.

"That's not the least of what I can do, but you need to focus on the road." I say to him and sit back in my seat with a smug grin on my face.

"Maybe I'm the one that's out of practice." He mutters and I laugh.

*****

We arrive at this massive house with a beautiful garden with the opposite side facing the ocean. "Your sister owns this?" I question.

"Her and her boyfriend have done very well for themselves, Lincoln is a famous local artist and Octavia has started her own martial arts program company thing which has expanded to other states." He tells me as he parks the car.

"Wow, that's really impressive. You must be really proud of her." I say to him as I marvel at the massive house.

"I really am." He says and smiles softly at me.

He grabs both our bags from the back before I can make a move to get mine. He holds out his hand and smiles, "Better to start now or never." I roll my eyes at him and take the hand.

I plaster a smile on my face, trying to ignore the nerves of having to meet Bellamy's sister and trying to convince her we are dating. He tugs me to the looming door and I reach over and ring the doorbell.

It takes a minute and some yelling from the inside until the door is answered by Bellamy's sister. She looks at Bellamy and then at me, then back to her brother with a grin. "Hi, I'm Octavia." She tells me, and thank goodness she did because Bellamy never mentioned her name before.

The girl at the door had very few similarities to Bellamy with straight dark hair and paler skin, opposed to Bellamy's thick curls and olive skin. If I wasn't told that I was meeting his sister, I would have never made the link.

"Clarke, it's lovely to meet you. Your brother has told me amazing things about you." I greet in return smiling back and releasing my hand from Bellamy's to shake hers.

"Aww come here. Bell, I love her already." Octavia tells him and brings me in for a hug. "You know you're Bellamy's first ever proper girlfriend." She says to me as she links her arm in mine and guides me into the house.

I hear Bellamy groan behind us and glance over my shoulder at him. "I am very much aware of that. It was one of the first things I noticed when we first started dating. Romantically awkward but sweet." I tell her and she laughs.

Bellamy gives me a small smile and what could be passed off as a grateful look. "Come Clarke, let me introduce you to Lincoln." Octavia pulls me further along as Bellamy holds back to drop our bags somewhere.

"Bell told me he was an artist." I say to her, maintaining the conversation with what little information I had.

"Yeah he is, are you into the art scene?" She asks me as we walk into the room where Lincoln sits reading a book on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

"Very much so, I try and do painting and sketching commissions online at home, but with college it's become more of a hobby." I tell her and Lincoln physically perks up at the mention of art.

"A fellow artist. I like you already and I don't know your name. Lincoln" He says as he holds out his hand smiling.

I laugh and introduce myself to him as Bellamy walks in. He half hugs Octavia and then gives Lincoln a bro hug. They seem very family like, and I couldn't help but feel like I was imposing. That was until Bellamy came and wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed a kiss to my head. "Clarke and I are going to change into clean clothes, we will be right down." He tells them and pulls me away from them, not before I notice Octavia smiling brightly behind us.

"She's lovely, don't you feel guilty for lying to her?" I ask him as I unpack my bag.

"Kind of, but if she's happy I'm happy and hopefully she won't need to see me for the next couple of months, so I can say we tried but it just didn't work out." He tells me.

I feel a weird sense of disappointment at that but continue on to say. "Alright, fair enough." I dump my shoes by the door. I pause and look up, "you really love her don't you?"

"I raised her Clarke." He stops himself from saying anything else, contemplating if he should carry on or not. He then continues, sitting down on the side of the bed. "We had different fathers, mine was a deadbeat and hers was a runner. As soon as my dad couldn't provide for my mother and I, he left. My mother then started to find other ways to earn money and that was how she fell pregnant with O. The guy found out and was never heard of again. Then Octavia came along and my mom was really struggling with money, she found addiction and release through drugs and drinking and ended up overdosing. I was then left with Octavia, having to look after this 13 year old girl. Now she's 23 and got this successful business, a great boyfriend who really loves her. She hasn't let the past hold her back."

"Has it held you back?" I ask him.

He looks across at me and I could tell what the answer was already. "I was angry for a long time. I still am and I'm just waiting to find a way to let the anger go." He looks down at his hands.

I sit on the bed crossing my legs and resting my head against the headboard. "I lost my dad." I start, "I looked up to him and loved him with everything I had. Then there was a malfunction at the water company he worked for which could've potentially killed thousands of people in the city. He saw the malfunction and reported it to the council. It was too expensive to fix so they swept it under the rug. My mother was a medic on the panel of the council and she voted that it be overlooked. She was part of the reason why he died, they framed him for a murder which got him the death sentence and he was killed. I was angry at my mother, angry at all those who had a part to play in his death. But I spent so much time and so much energy hating life that I just got tired. I was so tired of being angry that I just gave up. I made myself get out there and enjoy everyday like it would be my last. It's not hard to let go Bellamy." I say and take his hand.

"Really?" He questions me with genuine curiosity. "I'm tired of being angry but there's so much to be angry about."

"When you're ready, just let it go." I tell him and squeeze his hand. He smiles at me and he tugs me up.

"Get changed quickly, they probably think we're up to something." He tells me and waggles his eyebrows, all remnants of the previous conversation brushed away. He tugs me up and I balance myself on his shoulder, with bare inches between us. He decides to take it that little step further by giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Save that for our audience, big boy." I tell him and he breaths out a laugh.

"It was just practice." He tells me and looks down at my lips one more time before breaking apart, leaving me to change.

I couldn't help but hate the lack of contact between us after the brief moment. I collected my thoughts and changed as quickly as possible into something clean. Trying to avoid the blossoming feeling.

After changing, I walked downstairs to see an excited Octavia and an amused Bellamy.

He looked my way and said something to her before walking away with a wink in my direction. I gave him a questioning look but he left the room.

"Oh, Clarke! There you are! I've been meaning to talk to you." She says and grabs my hand pulling me out to the beautiful patio with the sea view.

"I've already mentioned you're his first girl friend. But you should know he used to sleep around a lot." She tells me with a worried look in her eye and straight to the point. I laugh out loud and place my hand over hers.

"In the past few months I can promise you, the only girl that's been in his apparent is probably the landlady and me. He's changed. Sure when he first moved in, him coming back into the apartment building at all hours of the night, drunk with a giggling girl on his arm was a common thing but he's honestly grown and I've seen it with my own eyes. That's one of the reasons why I like him so much." I tell her, most of which is true.

He hasn't brought any girls home at stupid hours for at least two months now, not that I had been keeping track, that is. That didn't increase my likingness for Bellamy and we still fought like hell, but it did make me respect him more as he matured.

"I've never seen him like this, he's so much more... Relaxed. He used to fuss over me all the time but now he's laid off. He also is getting on well with Lincoln which is strange to say the least." She tells me.

I laugh and then ask, "What, didn't they like each other?" The look on her face says it all and she grabs her phone scrolling to photos of Bellamy and Lincoln sitting next to each other holding bags of peas to their eyes. She swipes to the next one where they both give each other the dirtiest look I've ever seen.

I laugh so hard my stomach hurts and finally notice Bellamy leaning at the door smiling at the two of us. A look on his face I had never seen before, with love in his eyes.

He meets my eyes and his smile widens, "Glad to see my two girls getting a long so well." He kisses her hair and stands next to me putting his hand on my lower back and kissing me.

It was so easy to get lost in this with Bellamy, as if it was natural. But I couldn't fall into that, not with my previous track record of relationships which never ended well.

Just thinking that made me want to distance myself from him because I could feel myself already falling for the man standing with his chest pressed to my back. His solid muscular chest.

For someone to think that we never really got on before seems slightly unbelievable if you looked at us in the moment. Sure he was infuriating at the best of times and we argued like hell, but there was another side to him which I've only just seen.

He puts up one side of him to protect himself and the other side of him comes out when he cares for someone and wants to protect them.

The days go by very quickly, I become very good friends with Octavia and Lincoln. I warm up to Bellamy extremely quickly and it becomes second nature to us to walk in to the room and give the other a quick peck on the lips, even when no one was there to have to see us.

We cuddle into one another at night with barley any more boundaries between us. It suddenly just flipped and it wasn't fake anymore. Bellamy knew that, and so did I. But we didn't do anything about it.

On the second to last day I was think about all that's happened and how my relationship with Bellamy might've changed.

"Clarke, do you want to go for a walk with me?" He questions me, pulling me out of my thought bubble.

"Huh, yeah sure." I smile at him and give him a quick peck on the lips for show and move to get changed.

I feel his eyes on me as I walk from the room and Octavia say something to him in a quieter voice.

I pick up a pair of shoes from our room and head back down. My brain in an overload of thoughts of Bellamy.

They shut down once I see him, deciding to put them in the back of my mind. I was going to make the best of this whilst I was here, fake or not.

"Ready?" He says grabbing the keys and shoving them in his pocket and holding out his hand to take. I'm a bit hesitant but the look in his eyes makes me take it. He tugs me through the door and I laugh behind him, all negative thought diminished by the new thought of 'he could be a really good boyfriend.'

He pulls me down to the beach, with white sand and the sea reflecting the yellow orange sky of the sunset. "Do you like it?" He questions.

"I love it, Bellamy." I say and look at the view.

What I don't notice is him watching me with a gentle smile on his face when he says, "me too."

****

Getting back from the trip I said my goodbye to Bellamy at my door as he headed up the extra flight of stairs to his place.

"I really enjoyed myself Bellamy, thanks for letting me be your fake girlfriend." I say to him and he gives a small smile with an underlying emotion.

"Thanks for being my fake girlfriend" He says, dropping his eyes and his protective barrier slowly sliding up.

"Anytime." I smile nervously, wanting to break that barrier.

He smiles back at me but I could see an internal struggle.

"I'll see you around Clarke." He tells me and turns to go up his flight of stairs. I couldn't help but feel as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest as his barrier arose around his heart.

It only got worse as Bellamy was avoiding me and I didn't know what to do about it. I would knock on his door, but he wouldn't open it. I tried calling him but no answer.

I saw him from a distance, but as I caught a glimpse of him, he was gone.

After the first week I gave up. Maybe he didn't want to see me, maybe that week meant nothing to him. Could I have been over thinking it?

*****

BELLAMY POV:

I started caring about what Clarke thought of me in my second month of living in these apartments. All the snide comments and glares took an effect when I brought girls home and came back from the bar drinking. I stopped doing it, thinking that I was trying to make a point to her. In reality, I was trying to get to to like me but I was persuading myself it was something else.

From there, each argument we had wasn't even heated, it was good natured. We had more civilized conversations, but I never really let her in. I was too scared too.

The week I had brought her to see my sister, the way she got on with O so well scared me even more. Octavia begged me to marry Clarke on the spot and I actually wished I could've done it. I could see a future with Clarke and now, I couldn't see her. I fell so hard for her in that week of her being my girlfriend, I just didn't know what to do. So I did what I knew how to do best, I pushed someone I cared about away until I didn't care about them.

That wasn't happening though, it was painful avoiding her. Every call I ignored felt like I was just shooting myself in the foot over and over again. It became a reality that I missed her and that I needed her.

But I couldn't need someone. I needed to be by myself, that way she wouldn't get hurt. That was until I had a hard knocking on my door. I knew it wasn't Clarke, she had stopped trying weeks ago.

However, there was this Latina girl at the door. "You're Bellamy Blake right?" She questions straight up and I nodded unsure of what to say. "You're an asshole, you know that? Clarke is in the hospital, just to let you know." Just like that my heart dropped.

"Wait, what happened?" Asked her suddenly frantic. Something happened to Clarke, she was hurt. I couldn't help but feel guilty and scared.

"She was in a car accident last night, she's in and out of consciousness at the moment." I turned and grabbed my keys and left my apartment, the Latina trailing behind me. "Where are you going?" She questions me.

"Which hospital is she at?" I ask her.

"ARK, room 208" she calls from behind me as I sprinted to my car.

So many questions and thoughts swimming through my head in that moment. 'What if I was there to protect her', 'it's all my fault', 'I need her', 'what if she had died, how could I have lived'.

I pulled into a parking spot at the hospital and sprinted through the halls to the reception desk, telling them I was her boyfriend, not a caring what was coming out of my mouth, just that I needed to see her.

They allowed me through and I jogged the rest of the way to her room.

I almost burst in, but used what little self control I had left to open the door quietly. There was no one in her room, so I slipped in quietly and everything just slipped away, I only saw her. My Clarke, the girl I loved.

She had bruises and small cuts all over her face. I took her hand and pressed a kiss to it. "I'm so sorry Clarke, I'm so sorry. I should've never pushed you away. I need you, please wake up." I say to her and feel myself start to tear up at the thought of losing this girl. I stay with her that night, persuading the nurse to let me sleep on the couch.

*****

I wake up with fingers caressing my hair at the nape of my neck. I look up at who the hand belongs to, seeing Clarke.

I had fallen asleep resting my head on her bed next to her hip. She held my hand with her free hand. "Clarke." I whispered, I'm sure I was showing all the emotions I had kept in for the past couple of weeks.

"It's okay Bellamy." She assures me. Of what I'm not sure. But it makes everything seem fine for a few seconds.

"I'm so sorry Clarke. I should've been there. I shouldn't have pushed you away, I really started liking you, hell I've liked you for a long time and that really scares me because I have no clue what to do. But Clarke, I need you. I'm so sorry" I rush out. She smiles and pulls me closer to her.

I rest my forehead against hers, careful not to hurt her. "I need you too Bellamy." She says and leans forward to press her lips to mine.

I didn't need to feel scared, this was real and this was going to last forever. Clarke was my first girlfriend and my first love, a love that I hoped would last forever.


	31. Speeding Cars

_Speeding Cars - Walking on Cars_  
  


They loved each other, but they couldn't be together. Mentally, they had decided it would be better for everyone if they were apart. Except for the times where they weren't. It's not like they could help it. There was just something that pulled them back together, regardless of who they were with or what they were doing. All it took was one glace and the world melted away.

Lying in each other's arms, they knew they were right back at the start of what they were trying so hard to avoid. However, them being together was inevitable as much as they didn't like it. Bellamy was meant to be with Gina and Clarke was meant to be with Lexa, but they left their respective partners for the comfort of each other that night. Just like they had done many nights before.

The next morning was as if nothing had happened. Just as simply as Bellamy dropped a kiss on Gina's lips, as if they had not been kissing another's just hours previously.

The same thing happened later in that day while at Raven's for drinks. Bellamy caught Clarke's deep blue eyes across the room and she gave him this half smile which seemed to slow down time. He knew that he couldn't pretend much longer and he knew how unfair it was on Gina. Gina was there for him to try and forget about Clarke, but he knew it couldn't happen, as both his and Clarke's worlds revolved around each other, no matter who they were with.

Later that night when slipping out of the room, softly pushing Gina off his chest and onto the pillow, the guilt slowly seeped in. He made his way up the stairs to the terrace where he knew he would find the one girl that was the sun to his moon. Her blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was gazing out at the city in front of them.

"What are we doing Bellamy?" She questions as he sits besides her, resting her head on his chest as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer.

"I love you." He says quietly.

"And I love you. But we both know that this would just go to shit if we did anything about it." She says.

"We're too broken." He finishes for her, sighing out the words like he's said them thousands of times before.

"And Lexa and Gina are just so whole and perfect." She says quietly as a small tear slips down her cheek. The same guilt that he felt.

"We can't keep doing this Bellamy." She turns towards him and he looks back into her starry eyes, the ones he fell in love with and he wished he could believe her. They loved each other too much to let go.

"Yes we can." He said and leaned his forehead against hers. She tilted her head up and kissed him, wanting nothing more than to be with him.

A small slither of doubt entered her mind which made her break the kiss, with more tears streaming down her cheeks. They were a wreck, they wanted to be together but they were too messed up to actually do anything about it.

"I'm sorry. This is the safest way to go, nobody gets hurt." She whispered, knowing that it was only going to hurt them.

That night she left with an aching heart and slept besides Lexa whilst he went back, broken, and slept besides Gina.


	32. Speeding Cars II

She couldn't get his broken eyes out of her mind. Looking at Lexa, all she could think about was him and she knew that Lexa knew. She didn't know how much her girlfriend knew, but Lexa knew that Clarke was in love with someone else.

The void in her chest got larger every time Clarke saw Bellamy, wanting nothing more than to be with him. She tried so hard to keep her distance but it was the night where Lexa finally left her that she would be found on the terrace, the place where her heartache started. Her tears flowed down her cheeks, knowing that no one was going to be there to help pick up the pieces of her broken heart.

How could they have been so stupid, they were in love with each other. Of course it was going to hurt those around them, they were just being selfish and felt like the two pieces of the wrong puzzle in their friends lives.

She heard the door creak behind her, not really caring who it was but just hoping they would go away.

A soft voice broke through her crumbling heart, "Clarke?" He questioned, pain in his own voice as if it hurt to say her name.

She didn't respond but let even more of her tears fall. "I left Gina." He starts. She was breaking for the boy behind her, for Gina, for Lexa. She couldn't hold herself together much longer. He sat next to her and took her into his arms and she fit perfectly, just like she had all those times before.

That simple gesture made her think that it was alright. But she couldn't place why it would be. "I missed you." His voice breaks and his arms tighten around her.

She pushes back away from his embrace and looks at him, seeing a mirror of her own brokenness. "I need you Bellamy." Is what she finally says.

He locks eyes with her and they know, they can't not be together. He gives a half smile; they were either together or they were nothing. The weight that he had felt in his heart the past few months was lifted and he it was like he had a reason to live again.

He lifts a hand up and wipes away a stray tear rolling down her cheek. "I need you too." He tells her and just like that the void in her life felt like it had been filled. They were the two pieces of their own puzzle that were too busy trying to fit in with everyone else, rather than trying to fit together.

He wrapped an arm around her and she rested her head back on her chest. "Together?" She whispered.

"Together." He promised, dropping a kiss to her head.

She looked up at him, this was real and this was going to happen. This time she had no doubts when she kissed him. This is what they both wanted right from the start and what they needed now. The pieces finally fit and were never taken apart by anyone.


	33. Fix Me

I was pulling yet another night shift at the hospital. Mostly trying to avoid my friends. Lexa and Lincoln had died in a car crash a few months back and I, much like Octavia didn't want to talk about it. That really couldn't happen tonight when one of them was carted in on a stretcher. I heard the call from the reception as the paramedics brought him in. "Bellamy Blake, 27 years old. He has a sister, only known living family member. Get her on the line!" He calls.

"But she's not his emergency contact sir!" The girl in reception calls out.

He whirls around allowing the other paramedics to push him into one of the rooms. "Then who the hell is? Call them!"

I was still stood there in shock as Bellamy was pushed through. The receptionist turned to me and said, "You are Clarke." I turned on her and put the stethoscope around my neck.

"Call-" I start saying but hear Bellamy yelling for me down the hall. He must've seen me when he came in. Why couldn't he have kept Octavia as his contact, so what they may have gotten into a little fight but it doesn't mean he had to resort to me every time they do. Even though him and I didn't get on well at the best of times, he still listed me as his emergency contact and I had no clue why. "I'll call his sister. Just let me deal with this." I tell her.

I walk into the room and roll my eyes at the boy in front of me trying to push off one of the nurses. "Bellamy." I say and he stops trying to get the other guy away from him, watching me at the door.

"Sorry Clarke, he wanted you." The nurse says and I dismiss him to the back of room the before approaching Bellamy. I could see a red blood stain around his abdominal area.

"Do you have to be so stubborn you prick?" I say cutting away his shirt. He doesn't reply as I peel back the fabric noticing the wince. I stare at the gash in his side, astounded by what stupidity he got himself into.

"See something you like Princess?" He says smirking in his pale, weak state with a bruised left cheek. I give a half smile at his weak attempt at a joke in his situation.

"No you ass, what happened?" I ask him picking up a pair of tweezers and start picking out bits of glass.

"Murphy happened. He said something stupid to someone in the bar and one thing led to another and well, I got stabbed with a broken beer bottle." I glare at him from the corner of my eye as I place the last bit of glass into the tray next to his bed.

"You and O had a fight again?" I question.

"No actually, we're fine. She's just dealing with stuff after what happened with Lincoln." He tells me, eyes dropping at the mention of her late boyfriend.

"I get it" I say to him inspecting the cut further. "And is that why I'm now your emergency contact?" I smile up at him.

"No, you're my emergency contact because I trust you, not any of these other people here." He says glaring at the nurse at the back who glares right back at him.

"You know that's not how it actually works Bellamy. I would most likely be here anyways, your emergency contact is usually family." I say to him, injecting an anesthetic into his abdomen and picking up the stitching kit.

"You are kind of family though. O considers you family, so you're my family." He tells me watching my hands as I thread the needle. "How are you holding up? You've sort of been taking a lot of extra shifts to avoid us." He says to me lying back as I start stitching him up.

"I'm better than I thought I'd be. I guess work has kept my mind off everything and being with you guys is a reminder of this past year, which has been hell." I laugh, trying to fight off the pain in my chest.

"We've had good times Clarke. What about Easter, that was amazing. St. Patrick's day, Ravens birthday, I made that day amazing for you." He tells me and this time I actually laugh, he really did make that day for me. We snuck out of the party, fed up with the presence of Finn and found this amazing spot by the side of the road which looked down on the city view.

"That was the day I met the real Bellamy Blake" I say to him. "Not the jerk that everyone thinks you are." He smiles tiredly at me. "Do you want me to call Octavia?" I ask him.

"Give it an hour. I need some peace before the storm." He tells me and takes my hand once I've finished and taken off my gloves. "Thank you Clarke." I smile and to squeeze his hand as he drifts off. I almost pull my hand out of his but find that this felt like something I needed. It felt like a slither of hope in all the loss I had felt.

I spent the hour waiting with him and even stayed when I called Octavia. My shift was up and the hospital was practically empty so I didn't need to stay for overtime. But I stayed for Bellamy.

She arrived in a flurry, almost knocking over the nurse that had fought with Bellamy earlier, when entering the building. Octavia flew towards me and engulfed me I'm a hug. The nurse shot me a look saying 'what is with this family?' I sent a silent apology his way and turned back to Octavia who was about to burst into Bellamy's room.

I step in front of her at the last second and pulled the door open quietly and guided her to the side of the bed, next to where her brother soundly slept. "He's alright?" She questioned me.

"He's alright." I affirmed. Nothing else was said for the remaining hours of the night and morning.

I was packing up my stuff when Octavia spoke up. "Let's hang out again."

"I'll be back in an hour. Bellamy should be up by then, I'll discharge him and I'll drive you guys back home. I'll drop by every day and maybe we can get coffee?" I question and she replies with a small smile and a nod.

She gets up and takes my hand before I leave, "Thank you Clarke." then pulls me into a hug.

I went home and changed into some clean clothes. Luckily I didn't have a shift today and thought maybe I should request if I could be moved to the day shifts again. Octavia and Bellamy made me realize that I should get out again more. I was living in this bubble with my own self hatred and pity and that I wasn't focusing on anyone else.

If I looked at Octavia, she was ten times worse. Her and Lincoln were a match made in heaven. He loved her more than anything in the world and she gave him as much love back, if not more. It must have crushed her heart when he died. Bellamy was trying to be there for her but he didn't understand what she needed. She didn't want to talk about how she felt, she needed to talk about how Lincoln made her feel.

Lexa and I were different. We only had really started our relationship then. She didn't think love mattered in a relationship as it was a sign of weakness. That was what holding me back from loving her, we thought differently. I knew that you could find strength in love but she didn't and I knew she would never love me back.

I arrive back at the hospital just in time for Bellamy to be discharged. The nurse in the reception tells me he's getting ready and I head to his room. I knock on the door and hear a gruff, "Come in."

There he stands, struggling to get his shirt on. With one arm in and trying to get the other in without having to lift it up. I stand there with my hand coving my mouth to try and hide the smile. "You good there Bellamy?" I ask him and he looks up to see me with a glare. I take this as a cry for help and approach him to help him get his shirt on.

I instruct him to take it off first and he hands it to me. I ease it onto both arms without him having to stretch his abdominal area and push it up and over his head.

I pull the shirt down and Bellamy looks at me, with the bare inches between us. My hands placed at his waist and I feel his breath fan across my nose. This was how Octavia found us and I turned around quickly with burning cheeks.

"Ready?" I question, my voice slightly off tone. Bellamy looked slightly flushed behind me and Octavia had one eyebrow raised with a smirk on her face. I pick up my stuff and walk out, squeezing my eyes shut.

I drove them back to their place and left them for a couple hours, saying I would be back before my shift started. My head was a riot of thoughts, mainly consumed by Bellamy. I honestly thought he was going to kiss me, but I could be over thinking it. Did it also mean I was ready to move on if that was something I wanted.

I went back to their house before my shift and checked on his stitches and for any signs of infection. I reminded him to take his medication and stood up to leave. He grabbed my elbow as I turned, "Don't drift away already Clarke. We've only just got you back." He said to me and I could already feel the tears burning behind my eyelids as I shut them. I gave him a quick smile and rushed out of their apartment. I couldn't be around them. I couldn't be around him. People I loved got hurt and I couldn't lose him.

Days went by and I went to their place every couple of days to check on him. I didn't stay for long though, but I agreed to go have coffee with Octavia in the next week. Bellamy gave me a sad look as I left and each time I came and went, it got worse.

I was at home, attempting to get some sleep from my previous shift. My phone started ringing and I looked up at the name to see Octavia's. Coffee wasn't for three days so I didn't know what it was about. I picked up and heard a rush of words in my sleepy haze. "O, slow down. What's wrong?" I say calmly.

"Bellamy! He's ripped his stitches, I think he slipped in the shower. Clarke there's blood everywhere, please hurry." She says and I assure her I'm on the way and that she just needs to keep pressure on the cut. What was with these Blake's needing me to do their medical work for them, they did know there was something called a hospital.

Arriving, I see their door already open and enter into the living room to see Bellamy lying on towels on the couch. Octavia moves away as I rush down next to him and check the cut.

It wasn't too bad, just a bit ragged from where the stitches pulled at the skin. I pulled the left over stitching string out and cleaned it. Bellamy winced at the pain and I gave him a sorry glance. "Ready?" I question, holding up the needle and thread. He nods and I start.

It takes about half an hour and when I finally finish I sit back against the coffee table. "Seriously Bellamy, can't you just shower like a normal person?" I said to him.

Octavia gets up and excuses herself to go make some coffee for us.

"Maybe if I did, you wouldn't be here." He said with a smile.

"Bellamy..." I say not knowing what to say.

"Don't worry Princess, I actually did slip. I wish you would stay a bit longer when you're here though. Octavia is actually opening up to someone. It's not me, which hurts a bit, but because it's you, you need to be there for her." He pauses looking at me and reaching for my hand, which I give him. "And Clarke, there's nothing wrong with a little bit of support from other people too, I'm always here for you." I nod at him and give him a small smile, covering the explosive feeling in my chest.

"Thanks Bell." I squeeze his hand. Octavia comes in holding a tray of mugs of coffee but Bellamy doesn't let go until O passes him his cup.

She shoots me a grateful look and passes me mine. She turns the TV on, and I figured I could excuse myself after having the coffee but decided against it, listening to what Bellamy had said.

I leant back against the couch he was lying on, finding it more comfortable to be near him. Soon he fell asleep after I gave him some pain killers and stood up to finally leave. Octavia came back in from the kitchen and sat down on the couch, "Clarke, could you stay for tonight?" I could see this small vulnerable girl, wanting something back that she had lost.

"Sure O." I say and help clean it the lounge area.

She makes me sleep in her room, 'For old times sake.' She says and I laugh. I knew it was because she wanted to talk, and she needed to talk to someone who knows how she feels.

"I miss him." She tells me in the darkness.

"Yeah? What was your favorite thing about him?" I ask her.

"His love. His love for family, his friends, anything. He was just so filled with love, I miss that." She tells me.

I reach my hand over and intertwine my fingers with her. "He loved you so much Octavia. He still does and he always will. It doesn't matter that he's not here, he's always with you and he'll always be there to fix your broken heart. Any time you're sad, just think of all your happy times with him and it'll be okay." I tell her.

"Okay." She echoes and turns to face me as I lie on my back. "Do you miss her Clarke?" She asks me.

"Yeah I miss her, but not as much anymore. She was an explosion in my life, and explosions don't last forever. She was something new and fun, but I could never love her. What's been and gone is gone." I say.

"Pain is temporary." She says and I nod in the darkness.

"Exactly, so one day it'll all stop hurting and a weight will be lifted." I say to her.

"Has your weight been lifted?" She whispers.

I think about it for a second and don't feel like I do have a weight anymore, so I reply, "Yeah."

"When?" She asks still holding onto my hand.

"You know the night your brother got stabbed?" I hear her hum next to me, "well after I had cleaned and stitched him up, he took my hand and didn't let go. Once he had gone to sleep, I couldn't let go. Suddenly everything felt fine, like nothing was wrong and so I stayed."

"He really cares for you. He was so angry when you dropped off the face of the earth after Finn and came back with Lexa. You and him used to fight like hell, but you got along so well in other times and I would look up to you two. Lexa saw it and so did Finn." She says and I get confused.

"Saw what?" I ask her.

"The connection you and Bellamy have, you're like two impossible jigsaw pieces of the wrong puzzle that somehow fit together to make this stunning picture." I shake my head against the pillow but hear Octavia laugh quietly. "Clarke, if I hadn't seen Finn have a little jealous rampage about you and Bell or see Lexa glare at you guys across the room, I still would've seen it today or when you took care of Bellamy in the hospital." She tells me and squeezes my hand.

"I don't know O. I don't want to get him hurt." I tell her and panic internally at what I had just said, basically just confirming what she had thought.

"Bitch please, you're more likely to hurt yourselves over the fact that you tiptoe around each other rather than giving it a go." I don't reply so she says "Good night and thanks for this, Clarke."

"Good night, O. Thanks too, I guess." I whisper. I stare awake at the darkness above me, trying to figure out what I should do. My mind goes blank as I shut my eyes and I drift off to sleep.

I wake up in the early hours of the morning, only thanks to my messed up sleep schedule. I climb out of Octavia's bed and wander into the lounge where I see Bellamy watching something on TV. I sit down on the couch closest to him, seeing that he's watching 'The Simpsons.'

"Couldn't sleep?" He questions.

"No, just my messed up sleeping pattern. Comes with being a doctor." I shrug.

"Are you happy being a doctor?" He questions and it catches me by surprise. I hadn't really thought about if I was happy or not doing it and I realized it became something to help me cope and avoid my friends rather than something I enjoyed.

So I answered truthfully, "No, it makes me miserable. I like that I help people, but I don't enjoy it . My mom thought I would be an amazing doctor and so she pushed me that way, I only followed because that's what she said." I pause, "I've always wanted to become a teacher though." I think out loud.

"Why don't you do it?" He questions but continues, "You'd be a good teacher, I think. What age would you teach?" He asks.

"High school kids. Littlies aren't really my thing just yet." I say and he laughs softly.

"You should go for it Clarke. Do something for yourself for once." He tells me and continues to watch.

We stay quiet for another couple of minutes and I see him getting restless "Want to get coffee from the diner across the street and you can tell me all about teaching?" He perks up at that.

"If the doctor recommends it, we shall go." He says smiling and slowly moves to get up. I move to his side and help him up.

The next few days I come and go from the Blake's apartment, making sure Bellamy is okay and spending time with Octavia. It feels strange because everything feels so good. I change my shifts to day shifts and start writing out my resignation.

I sit at the Blake's kitchen table, computer open and CV open to be updated. Bellamy comes in eating an apple and looks over my shoulder. "You took my advice?" He questions.

"Don't be so surprised Blake. I'm doing something for myself." I say and see him smile.

He presses a kiss to the crown of my head and squeezes my shoulder before saying, "I'm proud of you Princess. Lunch down at the diner in 30?" I hum in agreement before mentally backtracking to what he just did. I smile to myself and he notices, "What?" He questions.

"Nothing, I'm just happy." I say and continue writing my CV. He smiles and squeezes my shoulder again before leaving to go shower.

It continues and the kisses become more frequent, I start kissing his cheek and staying over becomes something frequent. I send my CV out to a couple of high schools in the area, including the one Bellamy teaches at. Which is also one of the ones I get accepted into. I hand in my resignation soon after that and Bellamy is the one I chose to celebrate with.

I start hanging out with my friends again. It feels good, but it feels great when Bellamy's there at my side.

Soon it's Christmas Eve and I find myself curled up by his side under a blanket, watching some cheesy Christmas movie. Octavia is out partying with Raven, Miller, Bryan, Monty, Harper and Jasper. Bellamy and I stayed home feeling too old to be going out, telling them to enjoy themselves and to have a drink for the two of us. Monty and Jasper's eyes lit up when they hear that, bringing back the old 'mom and dad' joke.

I move yet again on the couch to find a comfortable position and Bellamy jabs his finger into my side, "Stop wriggling!" He tells me.

I laugh against him and press a kiss to his cheek as a sorry. I manage to sit still for the rest of the movie I look at the clock on the wall seeing it's midnight. Bellamy had already fallen asleep like the old man he is, I kiss the corner of his mouth, whispering "Merry Christmas Bell." I rest my head on his chest and find sleep easily.

In the morning I wake up alone with a blanket laid over me. I hear a clatter in the kitchen and push the blanket off to inspect what on earth Bellamy was doing. I walk in to see Bellamy whiz past me with a quick "morning" and a kiss to my temple. There's flour on almost every surface but pancakes sizzling in a pan and a selection of toppings on the island. Bellamy flys past me again, handing me a cup of coffee. He finally stills at the stove flipping the last pancake, then stacking it.

He turns to me with a flour streak on his cheek and a big smile, "Merry Christmas Princess."

"Merry Christmas, my knight in shining armor." I say grabbing the knives and forks from the cutlery drawer and sitting down next to him.

"I got something for you. But we have to go somewhere else, so once you're done get ready and we'll head out." He tells me and I smile up him and dust the flour streak off with my thumb.

"Bellamy I told you not to get me anything." I say and he just gives me a mischievous wink and continues eating.

I get ready quickly, shoving a beanie on and scarf around my neck also passing him his in the hallway. "We need to be back by three, for Miller and Bryan's."

"We'll have plenty of time, don't worry. And even if we're a bit late, they won't care." He tells me shrugging it off.

He takes me out of the city and into the forest surrounding area. I vaguely remembered the places my dad used to take me. We turn down a familiar road which seems to lead to nowhere but I knew there was way more on the trail.

Bellamy grabbed my hand and pulled me along, he made sure I didn't fall or slip on the icy ground. We had reached the Great Lake, it usually dried up during summer and froze over during winter. However, that was when it looked at its best. There were frozen icicles dropping down off the rock cliff face and trees surrounding the area. I leant into Bellamy and absorbed the sight before me. I loved it and I'm pretty sure I loved Bellamy.

I turned to him, his bright face and rosy cheeks smiling at me, I stood up on my tiptoes and lightly pressed a kiss to his lips. He responds automatically by sliding his hands up my waist. "Well my Christmas wish list has been ticked off." He says once we've broken apart. I laugh and kiss him again.

We go back to the car because I was starting to shiver. When we got there I reached into the back and opened my bag taking out the wrapped piece of paper. He took and slowly opened it, I watched him trying to gauge his reaction.

His lips were slightly parted in a look of surprise. "Clarke this is... amazing. I love it." He says with a beaming smile. I had given him a sketch timeline of him and Octavia, from when they were a lot younger to now. He leans over the console and gives me a kiss and leans his forehead against mine. "Do you know how long I've wanted to kiss you?" He questions me and I laugh.

We get to Millers half an hour late, but they don't care. Octavia comes up and almost tackles the two of us. I laugh holding onto the joyous girl, she was better. She was no longer in a dark place and she was relying on her friends to lift her spirits.

We sit down for our Christmas lunch and I announce that I'm leaving the hospital and becoming a teacher. They raise their glasses and Bellamy gives me a proud look from over the table.

Bellamy and I excuse ourselves from the festivities and go sit on the patio. We lean against the railing and I start by saying, "You know Bellamy, I was in a really bad place and you really helped me get out of that. You made me feel fine when I was surrounded by my own darkness. There hasn't been a single dark day being with you." He watches me as I speak. "Today was amazing, you're amazing, so thank you for everything." I kiss him and smile, we stand outside for a while longer before heading in.

Octavia comes up to me and pulls me aside with a bright smile. "I saw that Clarke. I'm so happy for you and him, you literally belong together." She pulls me into a hug. "I can't wait until we're sister in laws!" My eyes widen at the comment but she just laughs and pulls me along to dance with her.

He proposes at the same spot during early spring, two years later. The ice had melted forming a beautiful lake and a small waterfall was trickling down the rocky face. I smile up at him as he slips a beautiful ring onto my finger, he stands up and I launch myself at him. He completed me, we were one. I was his and he was mine.


	34. Blast From the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can be considered a part 2 of 11 Signs Your Guy Friend Wants to be Your Boyfriend for the 9th sign. You can make up your mind on that one.
> 
> S

One of the incidents that brought Bellamy and I together was a college party. Possibly one of the worst parties I had ever been to.

Reasons being: Finn. Top of the charts of worst ex to ever live.

He had ruined the whole thing for our group of friends. He arrived drunk and approached me. He first tried to kiss me to which I had to peel him off.

I spent most of the night trying to avoid him. He had cheated on me and I wasn't taking his shit. It didn't seem like he understood that I wasn't going to take him back after what happened to Raven and I.

I saw him again from across the room and he noticed me. This time I was cornered, I had no where to go and no one to help me. "Finn, leave me the hell alone." I snapped at him as he stumbled towards me.

"But Clarke, I love you. I love you more than Raven." At that I slapped him across his face. I could see a few people look at us from around the room but I didn't care. I hated him, how could he have said something like that.

"You disgust me." I tell him with tears starting to burn my eyes as thy threatened to fall. "You're all Raven has and all you can think about is someone else. You are such a selfish bastard, you know that." I say to him, anger boiling through my veins.

"You alright Princess?" I hear a husky voice belonging to none other than Bellamy Blake from behind me. My best friends brother who I kind of hated was here to save me and I could not be more grateful right now. He had a look of actual concern on his face when he stepped closer.

"Piss off Bellamy, I'm talking to my Princess. You don't call her that. Cause she's mine and I love her." Finn slurred, getting visibly angry.

"Right Collins, I think you've had enough of drinking and this party. Just leave Clarke alone and leave." Bellamy tells him slowly moving in front of me, noticing the signs that Finn could potentially become violent.

Bellamy touches my arm as he moves in front and suddenly Finn snaps. "Don't you touch her, she's mine. Mine Blake, not yours. I love her." Finn repeats his previous statement and lunges forward at Bellamy and swings a wild fist which connects with Bellamy's shoulder.

Bellamy grabs Finn by his collar and flings him back onto the floor. Finn gets up as Bellamy moves forward. He runs at Bellamy and attempts to tackle him which sends both boys sprawling onto the ground. I yelled Bellamy's name, unsure if he was okay or not.

Bellamy took a swing at Finn and the sound of his fist connecting with his cheek was audible over the music. Bellamy hauled Finn up and slammed him against a wall with his fist up ready to swing.

He whispered something to Finn in his ear and the punched the wall next to him, creating a dent in the dry wall.

Finn coward back and slumped against the wall. I wondered what Bellamy had said to him for Finn to change so quickly.

Bellamy stalked towards me and took my hand with his uninjured one pulling me out of the party. I obliged, not wanting to stay for an aftermath of the incident. "I came here with a group, did you bring a car?" He asks and I nod in response. I grabbed my keys from my purse and pulled him towards my car.

"Where do you live?" I ask him once we're in the car.

"18 Hubbard Street" he says and flexes his hand in his lap testing how painful it was and from his wince I could tell him hurt.

"We'll get some ice on that when we get there. Did he hit your head?" I question.

"No. Why?" He asks me, probably thinking I was going to insult him.

"Making sure you don't have a concussion." I tell him simply.

"He will." He says dryly and I laugh, which gets a smile out of Bellamy.

We arrive at his apartment complex and head up. I immediately go to the kitchen and grab peas out of the freezer and two beers out of the fridge.

Bellamy sits on the couch propping his feet up and putting the TV on. He takes the beer and shows me his hand.

He had managed to split his knuckle punching the wall. "Do you have a bandages alcohol wipes?" I question.

"First aid kit is in the bottom drawer in the kitchen." He then pauses and turns to me as I get up. "Wait you're going to do it yourself?" He asks.

"What don't trust me?" I joke, which gets a glare out of him. "My mother is a doctor remember? Whilst other kids were learning how to ride bikes and shit, my mother taught me how to do strap up someone's hand." I tell him, grabbing the kit.

I walk back into the lounge and he turns, "So do you know how to ride a bike then?" He asks and I smile.

"Yes, now give me your hand." I tell him. I manage to clean and strap the knuckles and then lean back on the couch. "Thank you by the way." I say to him, turning to face him.

"Any time Clarke. I would gladly kick his ass again." He tells me and laughs.

"What did you say to him?" I ask him.

"When?" He asks, full well knowing about when I was talking about. I gave him a look that said as much, "I just gave him a little warning so he won't be bothering you or Raven again."

"Thank you. For everything." I say to him and put my hand atop his giving it a short squeeze and a small smile, which he returns. "I best be off home." I say attempting to get up but he pulls me back down.

"No way, you're not going home at this time. Take my bed, I'll take the couch." He tells me already getting up and going to his linen cupboard.

"Bellamy, you've done enough already. It's fine." The look he gives me is enough to shut me up and head to his room.

He pulls out a shirt and a pair of joggers to wear. He leaves me with a short good night and a smile. That was the start of our friendship which would lead to way more.


End file.
